Ukuphoqelelwa kokuphindaphinda: kungani sihlala sibuyela kulokho okusilimazile

Incazelo: Ukuphoqelelwa okuphindaphindayo ukuthambekela okungazi lutho kokuphinda—nokuzala—izimo zokuhlupheka ezedlule, njengokungathi ingqondo yayifuna, ngokuphindaphindiwe, ukuqonda lokho eyayingenakukwazi ukukucubungula. UFreud wakuchaza ngokuthi “ukubuya kwabacindezelwe”: lokho okwakungenakushiwo noma okungaqondakali kubuyela endaweni yesehlakalo, ngesimo sokukhetha okuphindaphindiwe.

Indlela yokusebenza: ukulimala okukhethayo

Ngokuphambene nenkolelo evamile, ukuphoqeleka ukuphinda akukhona ukunambitheka kokuhlupheka. Kungumzamo wokwenza ukulungisa : ingane eyayingathandwa ngaphandle kwemibandela (bheka umama onama-narcissistic ou ukuhlukumezeka kobuntwanaLo muntu ukhula ene-script eyimfihlo—“uma ngingenza umuntu ongenakufinyeleleka futhi olimazayo angithande, khona-ke ngizofakazela ukubaluleka kwami.” Njengomuntu omdala, lo muntu uzizwa ngendlela exakile “esekhaya” nabalingani ababandayo, abangalindelekile, noma abanonya: hhayi ngoba bejabulela ubudlova, kodwa ngoba ukujwayelana kuzwakala njengendawo oya kuyo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umlingani ophilile ubonakala “eyisicefe”: abaqali noma yisiphi i-script.

Izimpawu zokuphindaphinda

• Izingxabano ezifanayo, nabantu abahlukene, ezindaweni ezifanayo ebudlelwaneni.
• Umuzwa obuhlungu we-“déjà vu”: omunye umuntu ongidelelayo, ongishiyayo, ongenza ngingabaze.
• Ukukhangwa okukhulu yiphrofayili engatholakali noma ephithizelayo, kanye nokungakhululeki ngenxa yobubele obuhlala njalo.
• Ukuphinda aqale indima ejwayelekile: umsindisi, isisulu, ongabonakali.

Isixhumanisi nomuntu ophambukayo oziqhenyayo

I-PN iyindlela eyingqayizivele yokuthola ukuphindaphinda: iyayibona ingozi bese iyisebenzisa. umphumela wesibuko kanye neyakhe ukuqinisa ngezikhathi ezithile Ziqondiswe ngqo enganeni elimele esalinde umvuzo. Isisulu asihlali ngoba “sinomona”: sihlala ngoba indawo ijwayelekile futhi ukuhamba kuzwakala sengathi kushiya, okwesibili, ithemba lokuphulukiswa.

Ukugqashula ekuphindaphindeni

• Qamba isimo Bhala umlando wobudlelwano bakho besikhathi esidlule njengezahluko zencwadi efanayo. Ukuphindaphinda okubonakalayo kulahlekelwa amandla ako.
• Qaphela ugesi : “umsinga osheshayo wesifiso” uvame ukuba uphawu lwesimo esidala, hhayi uthando lweqiniso.
• Yenza ukuhlolwa kokulungisa Ukwelashwa akuveli ekuqondeni, kodwa kuvela ukuphila into ehlukile — ubudlelwano obuphephile, lapho uthando lungeyona into okufanele uyizuze. Lokhu kungafundwa, kufaka phakathi nosizo lochwepheshe bezokwelapha.

Lesi ngesinye sezizathu ezenza Ukwelashwa ekuzicabangeleni ngokweqile kuthatha isikhathi : akukhona nje ukuhamba, kodwa ukuvala isahluko esiholele kukho.

Incazelo evela ku- isichazamazwi sokuhlanekezelwa kokuzikhukhumeza.