Amahloni nokuzizonda ebudlelwaneni nosisi

Ubudlelwano nomuntu ohlanekezelekayo we-narcissistic bungashiya izibazi ezijulile ezingokomzwelo, okuhlanganisa imizwa yokuhlazeka kanye nokuzizonda. Lesi sihloko sihloselwe abesifazane abahlangabezane nalolu hlobo lobudlelwano obunobuthi futhi abafuna ukuqonda nokunqoba le mizwa elimazayo.

Ukuqonda umsuka wehlazo ebudlelwaneni be-narcissistic

Amahloni ngokuvamile angomunye wemizwa ebaluleke kakhulu leyo izisulu zama-narcissistic perverts ezizizwayo. Leli hlazo linemvelaphi eminingana:

• Umuzwa wokuthi “uvumele” ukuhlukumeza
• Icala lokungaqapheli izimpawu ngokushesha
• Umuzwa “wokumosha” ingxenye yempilo yomuntu
• Ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba ngenxa yokukhohlisa njalo

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi leli hlazo alifanelekile. Njengoba uDkt. Romney echaza kuvidiyo, awuzange “uvumele” noma “ugunyaze” noma yini. Ube yisisulu sokuxhashazwa kwengqondo okuyinkimbinkimbi nokucashile.

Bona amaqhinga e-narcissistic pervert abhebhezela ihlazo

Abaphendukezeli be-Narcissistic basebenzisa amasu ahlukahlukene ukufaka umuzwa wokuhlazeka kuzisulu zabo:

• Ukukhanyisa igesi: ukwenza isisulu singabaze umbono waso weqiniso
• Ukugxeka njalo: ukweyisa abanye ngokuhlelekile ukuze kuqede ukuzethemba kwabo
• Le ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo : ukusebenzisa uthando njengesikhali sokulawula omunye
• Ukushintshana phakathi kwezikhathi zobubele nonya: ukuthunaza isisulu

Ukuqaphela lawa maqhinga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuzikhulula kuwo kanye nokuqonda ukuthi ihlazo olizwayo liwumphumela wokukhohlisa, hhayi ukubonakaliswa kokubaluleka kwakho kwangempela.

Imiphumela yehlazo nokuzizonda

Amahloni nokuzizonda yimizwa elimaza kakhulu engaba nomthelela omubi ezicini eziningi zempilo yomuntu. Le mizwa, evame ukuxhunyaniswa, idala umjikelezo wokuzicekela phansi onemiphumela eminingi.

• Ukuwohloka kokuzethemba
• Ukuphazamiseka kwemizwelo
• Ukuziphatha kweukuzilimaza (Ukunganakwa kwempilo yomzimba neyengqondo, izinkinga zokudla ezingaba khona…)
• Ukuzihlukanisa emphakathini
• Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele enempilo
• Ukuncika ngokomzwelo nokwesaba ukulahlwa

Hlukanisa izinkolelo ezikhawulelayo ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubudlelwano ne-narcissistic pervert busungula izinkolelo ezimbi ezigxilile:

• “Angifanelwe okungcono”
• “Kuyiphutha lami ukuthi ubudlelwano abuhambi kahle”
• “Angikwazi ukuba nobudlelwano obunempilo”
• “Angikwazi ukwethemba ukwahlulela kwami”

Lezi zinkolelo zibhebhezela ukuzizonda futhi ubavimbele ukuthi bakhe kabusha. Kubalulekile ukuzibona futhi usebenzele ukuzibuyisela ngemicabango engokoqobo nenakekelayo.

Ukunqoba umuzwa “wokumosha isikhathi” ebuhlotsheni

Izisulu eziningi zizigxeka ngokuba “zimoshe” iminyaka ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi. Lokhu kucabanga kubhebhethekisa ihlazo nokuzizonda. Ukuze unqobe lo muzwa:

• Vuma ukuthi wenze ngolwazi nezinsiza onazo ngaleso sikhathi
• Zazise izifundo namandla owathole kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho
• Gxila kwamanje nekusasa kunokubukeza okwedlule
• Khumbula ukuthi impilo yakho isaqala, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uneminyaka emingaki

Qonda ukuthi ukuzihawukela akukhona ukuyekethisa

Izisulu eziningi zesaba ukuthi ukubonisa uzwela kuwuhlobo oluthile lokunganeliseki noma ukuphika umthwalo wemfanelo. Eqinisweni:

• Ukuzizwela kuyadingeka ukuze ululame futhi uqhubekele phambili
• Ikuvumela ukuthi ubone ukuhlupheka kwakho ngaphandle kokuzahlulela
• Inikeza amandla okufunda kokuhlangenwe nakho nokwenza izinqumo ezingcono esikhathini esizayo
• Akubali ngaphandle ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo, kodwa ikhuluma ngakho ngendlela eyakhayo

Ukuzizwela kuyisenzo sesibindi, hhayi ubuthakathaka.

Ukusebenzisa ukwelapha ukuqaqa amafindo emizwa ayinkimbinkimbi

Ukwelapha kungaba yithuluzi elibalulekile lokunqoba ihlazo kanye nokuzizonda ngemva kwe-a ubudlelwane be-narcissistic :

• Umelaphi okhethekile angakusiza ukuthi ubone amaphethini anobuthi
• Ukwelashwa kunikeza indawo ephephile yokuhlola imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokwahlulela
• Amasu afana ne-EMDR angasiza ekwelapheni ukuhlukumezeka
• Ukwelashwa kweqembu kunganqamula ukuzihlukanisa futhi kunikeze ukwesekwa

Ungangabazi ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe enqubweni yakho yokuphulukisa.

Ukuguqula ihlazo libe amandla: ukubaluleka kokwabelana nokusizana

Ukwabelana ngolwazi lwakho kungaba ithuluzi elinamandla lokuphulukisa:

• Ukujoyina iqembu lokusekela kungakwenza ubone ukuthi awuwedwa
• Ukusiza abanye abayizisulu kunganikeza incazelo kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho
• Ukufakaza kungasiza ekuqwashiseni ngobudlelwano obunobuthi
• Ukusizana ngokuhlanganyela kuqinisa ukuzethemba kanye nomuzwa wokuba namandla

Ukuguqula ulwazi lwakho lube ukusiza abanye kungaba isinyathelo esibalulekile enqubweni yakho yokwelapha.

Ukwakha kabusha isithombe sakho esihle: ngale kobudlelwano obunobuthi

Ukuzichaza kabusha ngemuva kobudlelwano be-narcissistic kuyinqubo ebalulekile:

• Hlola izinto ozithandayo nezintshisekelo zakho ezibekwe eceleni ngesikhathi sobudlelwano
• Zibekele imigomo yomuntu siqu emisha
• Gubha izimfanelo zakho nempumelelo, ngisho nezincane kakhulu
• Zizungeze nabantu abakwazisa ngalokho oyikho ngempela

Kancane kancane, uzokwakha isithombe esihle futhi esiyiqiniso ngawe, kude nokuhlanekezelwa okubekwe yi-narcissistic pervert.

Ireferensi yeBhayibheli “ngehlazo nokuzizonda”

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibhili ngendikimba yehlazo nokuzizonda:

1. Kuthi, H. (1971). Ubumina namahloni. I-Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
2. Levine, S. (2002). Amahloni: umuzwa wokuhlola. I-Paris: Editions de l’Atelier.
3. Brunner, J. (2008). Ukuzizonda nokuzazi. EParis: L’Harmattan.
4. Grosjean, P. (2010). Ihlazo: phakathi kokuhlupheka nenkululeko. I-Paris: Editions Desclée de Brouwer.
5. Schoenfeld, A. (2015). Amahloni nomuzwa wecala: imizwa emibili ebalulekile ku-psychotherapy. I-Paris: Editions Erès.
6. Teyssier, C. (2017). Ukuzizonda: isimo sokubola ngokwengqondo. EParis: Editions Odile Jacob.
7. Lecoq, J. (2019). Amahloni nokuqina: indlela eya kuwena. I-Paris: Izinguqulo zikaRobert Laffont.

Isiphetho: Ukukhululeka ehlazweni, indlela eya ekugcwalisekeni

Ukuzikhulula ehlazweni nasekuzizondeni ngemva kobudlelwane nomuntu othanda inzondo kuyinqubo ethatha isikhathi, isineke, nokuzihawukela. Khumbula, awuzange “uvumele” ukuhlukumeza, njengoba uDkt. Romney ebonisa. Uye waba isisulu sokuxhashazwa okuyinkimbinkimbi, futhi isifiso sakho sokukholelwa kokungcono kakhulu kwabanye siyimfanelo, hhayi ubuthakathaka.

Ngokusebenza ngokwakho, uzungeze ngokusekelwa, futhi uzijwayeze ukuzihawukela, awukwazi ukunqoba kuphela le mizwa engalungile, kodwa futhi ukhule futhi uphumelele. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubuhlungu kangakanani, kungaba umthombo wamandla nokuhlakanipha kwekusasa.

Khumbula njalo ukuthi ufanelwe uthando, inhlonipho kanye nenjabulo. Ukuphela kobudlelwane obunobuthi akusona isiphetho ngokwako, kodwa ukuqala kwempilo entsha lapho ungagcina ube ngokwakho ngokugcwele.