Ingabe ngisebudlelwaneni obunobuthi – izimpawu eziyi-15 zokuhlola

“Ngifake isithombe endabeni. kwamdida ngoba isithunzi somthwebuli sinesimo somuntu wesifazane”, isho kanjalo incwadi yowesilisa kwenye yezinkundla zokuxhumana echaza ngesimo somlingani wakhe. Ngaleli qiniso, singazibuza umbuzo uma le ndoda iphila ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi. Ingabe intombi yakhe ingumlingani onobuthi? Ingabe ngisebudlelwaneni obunobuthi? Nansi-ke isivivinyo esincane sokuthola ukuthi ngabe usebudlelwaneni obungekho nhlobo ukuthi kufanele bube yini.  

TEST yobudlelwano obunobuthi

Ubudlelwano obunobuthi – buyini?

• Ubudlelwano obunobuthi buyindlela elimazayo yokuxhumana nabantu elimaza inhlalakahle engokomzwelo, yengqondo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi engokomzimba okungenani yomlingani oyedwa. Bubonakala ngokungalingani kwamandla, lapho umuntu oyedwa esebenzisa ukulawula ngokweqile omunye ngokukhohlisa, ukugxeka njalo, kanye… umona ogulayo noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo.
• Kulolu hlobo lobudlelwano, sivame ukubona imijikelezo yokungezwani, ukungqubuzana nokubuyisana okudala ukuthembela ngokomzwelo. Ukuxhumana ngokuvamile akusebenzi kahle, okuphawulwa ukuntula inhlonipho, ukuthuka okungapheli noma ukuthula okujezisayo.
• Ubudlelwano obunobuthi bungabandakanya izinhlobo ezahlukene ze udlame olungokwengqondo, ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba. Ngokuvamile zishiya imiphumela ehlala njalo, ethinta ikhono lesisulu sokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo esikhathini esizayo. Ukuqaphela lezi zimpawu kubalulekile ekwephuleni umjikelezo futhi uye ebuhlotsheni obunokulinganisela nokwanelisayo.

Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zobudlelwane Obunobuthi 

Nazi izimpawu eziyi-10 zobudlelwano obunobuthi, ezethulwa kafushane:

1. Ukuntula inhlonipho : ukugxeka njalo, ukuthuka noma ukululazwa.
2. Ukulawula ngokweqile : umona ongenampilo, ukuqapha imisebenzi kanye nobudlelwano.
3. Ukwehluleka ukuxhumana : ukuphikisana njalo, ukuntuleka kokulalelana.
4. Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo : ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, umuzwa wecala.
5. Ukuntula ukuzethemba : amanga aphindaphindiwe, izimfihlo, ukungathembeki.
6. Ukungalingani kwamandla : ukubusa komunye umlingani phezu komunye.
7. Ukuntula ukusekelwa : ukungabi nandaba nempumelelo noma ubunzima babanye.
8. Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo : uphendukezela ize narcissistic, umuzwa oqhubekayo wokuhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda.
9. Ukunganakwa kwezidingo zomuntu ngamunye : ukulahlekelwa ubuwena, ukuhlukaniswa nomphakathi.
10. Umjikelezo ophindaphindayo wezingxabano nokubuyisana : ukushintshana phakathi kwe-tension kanye “ne-honeymoon”.

Lezi zimpawu, ngokuvamile ezicashile ekuqaleni, zingaba namandla ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ukuzibona kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuphuma ebuhlotsheni obungenampilo obuguquguqukayo futhi uthole ukulingana komuntu siqu.

Isivivinyo – Ungabheka kanjani ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obunobuthi?

Sikumema ukuthi wenze lokhu kuhlolwa ukuze uhlole ukuthi ngabe usebudlelwaneni obunobuthi yini. Zibuze le mibuzo:

1. Ingabe uzizwa ungajabule ebudlelwaneni kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ucabanga ukuthi awukwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwakhe? Lokhu kuphikisana kungase kube uphawu i-cognitive dissonance.
2. Ingabe umlingani wakho uhlale ebukela phansi ukunqoba kwakho futhi akalokothi akusekele kumaphrojekthi akho siqu?
3. Ingabe ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho kukubeka esimweni sokwesaba?
4. Ingabe uhlale ugxekwa futhi usolwa ngokungenzi lutho ngendlela efanele?
5. Kusukela ebuhlotsheni benu, ingabe ubukade ukude nomndeni wakho nabangane?
6. Ingabe umlingani wakho uhlekisa ngokuthanda kwakho nezinto ozithandayo?
7. Ingabe izingxoxo zakho zigcwele ukuthuka, izinyembezi, ukuthukwa nokuhlupheka?
8. Ingabe ukuthula kwakhe kuyisixazululo noma isijeziso uma kunezinkinga?
9. Ingabe ukukweshwa kwemizwa kuyindlela yokuthola lokho akufunayo kuwe?
10. Uma ungekho naye, uyakuhlohla ngemibuzo?
11. Ingabe umlingani wakho akakuceli umbono wakho noma akwazise lapho wenza izinqumo ezithinta nina nobabili?
12. Ingabe uke walala naye ngaphandle kwesifiso ukuze nje ugweme ukumcasula noma ukwanelisa izifiso zakhe?
13. Kuye, ingabe izinkinga zakhe zibaluleke kakhulu kunezakho?
14. Ingabe uyathukuthela uma enosuku olubi noma esesimweni esibi?
15. Ingabe umlingani wakho uqamba amanga kuwe ngokuphindaphindiwe?

Ubudlelwano obunobuthi: isibuko samanxeba ethu asebuntwaneni

Amaphethini obudlelwano obunobuthi lapho esekhulile ngokuvamile ayinkomba yokuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni okungakaxazululeki. Lokhu kuguquguquka okuyinkimbinkimbi kufanele kuhlaziywe okujulile ukuze kuqondwe ukuthi singaheha kanjani abantu abanganakile noma abakhohlisayo ngokungazi ezimpilweni zethu.

Isigxivizo esingenakucimeka sobuntwana

Okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwasekuqaleni kubumba i-psyche yethu ngezindlela ezijulile nezihlala njalo. Ukusebenzelana nezibalo zabazali bethu noma abanye ababalulekile kusukela ebusheni bethu kudala amamodeli angaphakathi obudlelwano obuthonya ukukhetha kwethu nokuziphatha kwethu njengabantu abadala.

1. Okunamathiselwe namaphethini obudlelwano :
   • Izitayela zokunamathisela (ezivikelekile, ezikhathazekile, ezigwemayo, ezingahlelekile) ezakhiwe ebuntwaneni zithonya ngokuqondile ubudlelwano bethu babantu abadala.
   • Ukunamathiselwe okungavikelekile kungasibeka phambili ekufuneni ozakwethu abaphindaphinda lezi zinguquko ezijwayelekile, noma ngabe zingenampilo.
2. Ukujwayela kokuziphatha okunobuthi :
   • Ukukhulela endaweni lapho impatho yokukhohlisa noma yokunganaki yenziwa ijwayelekile kungasenza singasaboni lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso njengabantu abadala.
   • Lokhu kujwayela kungadala umuzwa ongamanga wenduduzo ebudlelwaneni obufanayo kamuva ekuphileni.

Isidingo esingazi lutho sokuxazulula

Ingqondo yethu ihlale ifuna ukuxazulula izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe, ezingase zisibangele ukuthi siphinde sidale izimo ezifana nalezo zasebuntwaneni bethu.

1. Ukuphoqeleka ukuphindaphinda:
   • Umqondo we-Freudian ochaza ukuthi kungani siphindaphinda okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu ngethemba eliqulekile lokuzilawula ngalesi sikhathi.
   • Lokhu kuphindaphinda kungabonakala njengokukhanga kozakwethu abafana nezibalo zabazali eziyinkinga.
2. Sesha ukuqinisekiswa :
   • Isidingo sokupholisa isilonda sobuntwana singase sisenze sifune imvume kubantu, njengabazali bethu, abangakwazi ukusinikeza ngokugcwele.
   • Lesi sicelo singasenza sibe sengozini ikakhulukazi kubakhohlisi abenza kahle ekunikezeni nasekuthatheni ukuqinisekiswa.

Izindlela zokuheha abantu abanobuthi

Nazi ezinye izindlela:

1. Ukuhlonza iphrojekthi kanye nokuhlonza :
   • Sifaka izingxabano zethu zangaphakathi singanakile kwabanye, ngaleyo ndlela siheha abantu abahlanganisa lezi zici zethu ezingakaxazululeki.
   • Ama-Narcissists avame ukuba nekhono ekutholeni nasekusebenziseni lobu bungozi.
2. Ukuphelelisana kwezidingo :
   • Izidingo zethu ezingahlangatshezwana nazo ebuntwaneni zingakha ukuphelelisana nezidingo ze-narcissist (isb. isidingo sokuqinisekiswa / isidingo sokutuswa).
   • Lokhu kuphelelisana kudala inkohliso yokuhambisana ekuqaleni kobudlelwano.
3. Ukukhiqizwa kabusha kwezijwayelekile :
   • Ubuchopho buthanda ukuthanda lokho okujwayele, ngisho noma kubuhlungu, ngoba kumelela indawo eyaziwayo futhi ngenxa yalokho kubonwa “njengephephile.”

Ukunqamula umjikelezo: ukuya ekwelapheni

Nawa amanye amasu angakuholela ekwelapheni:

1. Ukuqwashisa :
   • Ukuhlonza amaphethini aphindaphindayo ebudlelwaneni bethu kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile.
   • Ukuqonda amanxeba ethu asebuntwaneni nokuthi athonya kanjani izinqumo zethu zamanje.
2. Umsebenzi wokwelapha :
   • Ukwelashwa, ikakhulukazi izindlela ezifana ne-EMDR noma i-schema therapy, kungasiza ekwelapheni ukuhlukumezeka kwezingane.
   • Funda ukubona nokuguqula indlela yethu yokucabanga nokuziphatha.
3. Ukuthuthukiswa kokuzethemba :
   • Hlakulela ukuzethemba okuqinile ukuze unciphise ukuba sengozini kwethu kuzikhohlisi.
   • Funda ukuqinisekisa izidingo nemizwa yethu ngaphandle kokuncika ekugunyazweni kwangaphandle.
4. Misa imingcele enempilo :
   • Funda ukuqaphela ukuziphatha okunobuthi futhi uphendule ngokuqiniseka.
   • Thuthukisa ikhono lokuthi cha futhi ubeke inhlalakahle yethu kuqala.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zokwazi ukuthi ngabe usebudlelwaneni obunobuthi

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa ngesihloko sobudlelwano obunobuthi:

1. Lévy, J. (2019). Ubudlelwano obunobuthi: ukuqonda kanye nokubalekela izingibe zemizwa. Izinhlobo ze-Eyrolles.
2. U-Chauvet, M. (2015). Ukukhohlisa ngokomzwelo kumbhangqwana: ungababona kanjani futhi uzivikele kubo. Izinguqulo Albin Michel.
3. Sénécal, J. (2020). Ubuthi bobudlelwane: ukusuka ekuhluphekeni kuya ekuqineni. Editions de l’Homme.
4. Bouchard, C. (2017). Ubudlelwano obunobuthi phakathi kwabantu: umbono wengqondo. I-Press Universitaires de France.
5. U-Blais, M. (2021). I-Imposter syndrome kanye nobudlelwano obunobuthi. Fides Editions.
6. U-Gagnon, S. (2018). Umthelela: ukuqonda nokuphuma ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi. Izinguqulo Leduc.s.
7. Nizri, L. (2016). Ukuhlupheka emsebenzini: ubudlelwano obunobuthi nokutubeka. Ama-Dangles Editions.

Lezi zithenjwa zihlanganisa izici ezihlukahlukene zobudlelwane obunobuthi, kokubili ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, ukuqaphela izimpawu zobudlelwano obunobuthi kubalulekile ekulondolozeni inhlalakahle yakho. Uma uzibuza ngempilo yobudlelwano bakho, le mibuzo ingasebenza njengenkomba. Khumbula ukuthi ukuqwashisa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esiholela ekushintsheni okulinganiselayo nokwanelisayo. Ungahlali uvaleleke emjikelezweni ongenampilo, ngoba wonke umuntu ufanelwe ukuguqukela ebudlelwaneni obuhloniphayo nobunomsoco.

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.