Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali: Ukuthula okuzwakala lapho usumdala

by

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo komzali kuwuhlobo lokunganakwa okungokomzwelo okungaba nemiphumela ejulile ekukhuleni kwengane. Nakuba ngokuvamile engabonakali, lolu hlobo lokuhlukumeza lushiya izibazi ezihlala njalo. Ake sibhekisise lesi sigameko kanye nemiphumela yaso.

Kuyini ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali?

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali kubonakala ngokungakwazi noma ukwenqaba kwabazali ukuhlangabezana nezidingo ezingokomzwelo zengane yabo ngokwanele. Ingaziveza ngezindlela ezahlukene:

  • Ukuntuleka kokuzibandakanya ngokomzwelo
  • Ukuntula imfudumalo nothando
  • Ukungabi nandaba impumelelo noma ubunzima bengane
  • Ukungakwazi ukunikeza induduzo noma ukusekela ngokomzwelo

Lokhu kuziphatha kungabangelwa izici ezihlukahlukene, njengokucindezeleka kwabazali, ukuhlukumezeka okungaxazululiwe, noma ukuntula nje kwamakhono okukhulisa izingane.

UCristina unikeza iseshini yomuntu ngamunye ukukusiza uphume ekulawulweni okuhlukumezayo futhi wakhe impilo yakho kabusha.

Bhukha iseshini yakho

Izimbangela eziyinhloko zokuhoxa ngokomzwelo

Ake sibheke izizathu eziyinhloko ezingaholela ekuhoxeni ngokomzwelo kwabazali:

  • Ukudluliswa kwe-intergenerational of trauma

Ngokuvamile, abazali abasebenzisa ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo nabo babeyizisulu zokunganakwa ngokomzwelo besebancane. Bengazi noma iyiphi enye imodeli, ngokungazi bakhiqiza la maphethini nezingane zabo.

  • Izinkinga zomuntu siqu zabazali

Abazali abalwa nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo, ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, noma ukucindezeleka okungamahlalakhona bangase kube nzima ukuba batholakale ngokomzwelo ezinganeni zabo. Ukucindezeleka kwabo siqu kuyabavimbela ekuhlangabezaneni nezidingo ezingokomzwelo zezingane zabo.

Izinhlobo ezahlukene zokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali

  1. Ukuthula okujezisayo :
    • Umzali uyeka konke ukuxhumana nengane isikhathi eside.
    • Ingane izithola isesithubeni esingokomzwelo, ingaqiniseki ngokuthi izolusungula kanjani kabusha uxhumano.
  2. Ukubanda ngokomzweloe:
    • Umzali uhlala ekhona ngokomzimba kodwa akafinyeleleki ngokomzwelo.
    • Ukusebenzelana kuba ngomshini, okungenakho imfudumalo noma uthando.
  3. Ukuhoxiswa kothando lomzimba :
    • Ukugona, ukuphululwa, noma ezinye izinhlobo zokuthintana ngokomzimba zisuswa kungazelelwe.
    • Ingane ifunda ukuthi uthando lunemibandela ekuziphatheni kwayo.
  4. Ukunganaki okuzenzisa :
    • Umzali wenza sengathi ingane ayikho noma sengathi ayibonwa.
    • Lolu hlobo lokuhoxa lungalimaza kakhulu ukuzethemba kwengane.
  5. Isilinganiso esingalungile :
    • Umzali ubonisa ngokusobala uthando kwezinye izingane (izelamani, abazala) kuyilapho engayinaki ingane “eyonile”.
    • Lokhu kudala umuzwa wokungafaneleki nokuncintisana okungenampilo.

Umthelela omubi ekukhuleni kwengane

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kungathinta ingane ngezindlela eziningi. Nazi izindawo eziyinhloko ezithintekile:

  • Ukuphazamiseka kokunamathiselwe

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali kungaholela ekuphazamisekeni kokunamathela ezinganeni. Lokhu kungathuthukisa ukungavikeleki ngokomzwelo, ubunzima bokwethemba abanye kanye nokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo.

  • Ukuzenyeza

Ukuntula ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kungathinta kakhulu ukuzethemba kwengane. Bengazizwa bethandwa noma bebalulekile, bangahlakulela imizwa ejulile yokungafaneleki nokuntula ukubaluleka komuntu siqu.

  • Izinkinga ezingokomzwelo zesikhathi eside

Izingane ezibhekana nokuhoxa ngokomzwelo zingase zibe nobunzima bokubona nokuveza imizwa yazo njengabantu abadala. Basengozini yokuba nokukhathazeka, ukudangala noma izinkinga zokulawula ukucindezeleka.

  • Ukufuna okungapheli kokugunyazwa :

Ingane iba nokuqapha okukhulu ekuphenduleni kwabanye. Angase athuthukise ukuziphatha ” okujabulisa abantu »ukugwema noma iyiphi ingozi yokwaliwa.

  • Ukuthambekela kokuzigxeka :

Ingane kubalisa ngaphakathi umqondo wokuthi ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo njalo kuyiphutha lakhe. Angase abe nokuthambekela kokuzigxeka ngokweqile ngezinkinga zobudlelwane.

Izimpawu ezichazayo zokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu zokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali ukuze ungenele. Nazi ezinye izinkomba:

  • Ukungabikho kokuboniswa ngokomzimba kothando (ukugona, ukuphulula)
  • Ukuntula intshisekelo ezintweni zengane noma ezikukhathazayo
  • Ukuxhumana okulinganiselwe noma okukha phezulu nengane
  • Ukungakwazi ukunikeza induduzo lapho ucindezelekile
  • Ukuthambekela kokunciphisa noma ukuyiziba imizwelo yengane

Imiphumela lapho usumdala

  1. Ukwesaba ukusondelana :
    • Umuntu omdala angase abe nobunzima bokuzibophezela ngokugcwele ebudlelwaneni obuseduze ngenxa yokwesaba ukulahlwa.
    • Angase alondoloze ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo njengendlela yokuzivikela.
  2. Ukunamathela okukhathazekile :
    • a ukuqapha ngokweqile izimpawu zokwenqatshwa noma ukulahlwa ebudlelwaneni.
    • Ukuthambekela kokutolika ngokweqile ukuziphatha kwabanye njengezimpawu zokungakwamukeli.
  3. Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele enempilo :
    • Ngenxa yokwesaba ukubangela ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo, abantu abadala bangase babe nobunzima bokwenqaba noma ukuveza izidingo zabo.
  4. Ukuthambekela kokunxephezela ngokweqile :
    • Imizamo eyeqisayo yokujabulisa nokugcina ubuhlobo, ngokuvamile ngokulahlekelwa izidingo zomuntu.
  5. Ubunzima bokuphatha ukungqubuzana :
    • Ukungavumelani kungase kubonakale njengokusongela ubuhlobo, okuholela ekugwemeni izingxabano noma ukukhathazeka ngokweqile.
  6. Imijikelezo Yobudlelwano Engasebenzi :
    • Ukukhangwa okungazi lutho kozakwethu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo, okukhiqiza kabusha iphethini yabazali.

Isixhumanisi phakathi kokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali kanye nokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic

Ukuhoxa komzali ngokomzwelo kanye nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo yizimo zengqondo ezimbili ezihlobene eduze ezingaba nemiphumela elimazayo ekukhuleni kwengane ngokomzwelo.

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali kubonakala ngokuntula ukubandakanyeka ngokomzwelo, uzwela nokusekela okuvela kubazali enganeni yabo. Abazali abangekho ngokomzwelo noma abakude abaphenduli ngokwanele ezidingweni ezingokomzwelo zengane, okwenza kube nesikhala esingokomzwelo.

Lokhu kuntula ngokomzwelo kudala indawo yokuzalela yokuthuthukiswa kokuziphatha kwe-narcissistic ezinganeni. Ngempela, inqatshelwe ukuqinisekiswa nokunakwa kwabazali akudingayo, ingane ingakwazi ukuthuthukisa izindlela zesinxephezelo ngokusekelwe ekusesheni okwedlulele kokutuswa nokuqashelwa kwangaphandle.

Njengabantu abadala, lawa maphethini obudlelwano angasebenzi angabonakala njengokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic. Umuntu owahlushwa ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo ebuntwaneni angase aphinde lezi zindlela zokuziphatha nezingane zakhe noma abalingani bakhe, ngaleyo ndlela aqhubekisele phambili umjikelezo.

Izimpawu zokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic – ukuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo, ukungabi naluzwela, isidingo esidlulele sokunconywa – ngokuvamile kunemvelaphi yakho ekuntuleni ngokomzwelo kwasebuntwaneni. Umhlukumezi we-narcissistic ufuna ukugcwalisa ukungabi nalutho kwakhe kwangaphakathi ngokulawula imizwa kwabanye.

Ukuqonda lokhu kuxhumana kusivumela ukuba siqonde kangcono izimpande ezijulile zokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic futhi kugqamisa ukubaluleka okubalulekile kokuzibandakanya kwabazali ngokomzwelo ekukhuleni okunempilo kwengqondo yengane.

Ireferensi yezincwadi mayelana nokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibhili ngendikimba yokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali:

  1. ULévy, J. (2005). Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo: inselele yokuba umzali. EParis: Editions L’Harmattan.
  2. U-Vermot, M. (2010). Imiphumela yokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali ekuzethembeni kwentsha. Ithisisi yobudokotela, eNyuvesi yaseGeneva.
  3. U-Gonzalez, C., & Dubois, M. (2013). Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni bomndeni: isifundo sesikhathi eside. Ijenali yezengqondo ekhuluma isiFulentshi, 28 (4), 321-335.
  4. Roussel, P. (2016). Abazali abakude: ukuhoxiswa ngokomzwelo kanye nemiphumela yako enganeni. Ijenali Yomndeni Nezempilo, 15 (2), 145-162.
  5. Bourdieu, P. (2000). Ukudluliselwa kokuhlupheka: ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kanye nemiphumela yako ezizukulwaneni ezizayo. I-Paris: Éditions du Seuil.
  6. Chevalier, J. (2018). Izingane zokuhoxiswa ngokomzwelo: izindlela ezingokwengqondo nezokuhlalisana kwabantu. Ubuchopho, 44 (5), 407-415.
  7. I-Lemoine, F. (2021). Ukuhoxiswa okusebenzayo nokuthuthukiswa kwemizwelo: imibono yethiyori nengokoqobo. Psychology kanye nomphakathi, 29 (1), 88-105.

Lezi zithenjwa kufanele zikunikeze isisekelo esiqinile sokuhlola isihloko sokuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali.

Isiphetho

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwabazali kushiya iminonjana ejulile engaba nomthelela ebudlelwaneni bethu kukho konke ukuphila kwethu. Nokho, ukuqaphela lawa maphethini nomsebenzi womuntu siqu ohlosiwe kungasivumela ukuthi sibhale kabusha umlando wethu wobudlelwane. Ngokuqonda ubuthakathaka bethu, asikwazi ukuzivikela kuphela ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi, kodwa futhi sihlakulele ubudlelwano obunempilo, obulinganiselayo nobanelisayo. Indlela eya ekwelapheni ingase ibe yinde, kodwa isinyathelo ngasinye esibheke ekuziqondeni okukhulu kanye nobudlelwane obuvikeleke kakhudlwana siwukunqoba kwethu okwedlule kanye nokutshalwa kwezimali enhlalakahleni yethu yesikhathi esizayo.

Udinga ukukhuluma nomuntu oqondayo?

UCristina ubelokhu esekela izisulu zokuhlukunyezwa ngokuzikhukhumeza iminyaka eminingi. Uhlelo oluqondile lwesenzo lusungulwa kusukela esimisweni sokuqala. Izikhathi zokuqeqesha ngazinye ziyatholakala ngevidiyo (Skype noma WhatsApp) — €100 ngeseshini.

Bhukha iseshini yami yomuntu siqu noCristina

Ufuna ukwesekwa komuntu ngamunye?

UCristina unikeza iseshini yomuntu ngamunye ukukusiza uphume ekulawulweni okuhlukumezayo futhi wakhe impilo yakho kabusha.

Bhukha iseshini yakho

Leave a Comment