Udlame oluqhubekayo ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi: Ukuqonda lesi simo

Udlame olwenziwayo wuhlobo olucashile lokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo oluvame ukusetshenziswa abaphendukezeli be-narcissistic. Ngokungafani nokuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba, kungase kube nzima ukukubona, okukwenza kube yingozi kakhulu. Lesi sihloko sihlose ukusiza izisulu zesifazane ziqonde lesi sigameko.

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Buyini udlame olwenziwayo ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi?

Udlame olwenziwayo luzibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okungaqondile okuhloselwe ukulimaza, ukulawula noma ukuxhaphaza omunye umuntu. Ibonakala ngokuthi:

• Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo
• Ukuthula okujezisayo
• Amazwi abhuqayo
• Ukuhlehlisa ngokuzithandela
• Ukucekela phansi okucashile

Ngokungafani ne-ulaka lokungenzi lutho udlame oluvulekile, nolwenziwayo lungase lubonakale luyingozi kangako ekuqaleni. Nokho imiphumela yako yesikhathi eside ekuzethembeni komuntu oyisisulu kanye nempilo enhle engokwengqondo ibuhlungu ngendlela efanayo.

Izimpawu zezinganekwane zodlame oluqhubekayo kuzakwethu othanda ukubhuqa

Nazi ezinye izinkomba ezibalulekile zodlame lokungenzi lutho kuzakwethu we-narcissistic:

• Ukwelashwa buthule njengesikhali sokukhohlisa: 

Enye yamaqhinga athandwa kakhulu yi-narcissist ulaka olungashukumi Lokhu kuyindlela edumile “yokuthula.” Kuhilela ukuyeka konke ukuxhumana isikhathi eside ukuze ujezise umlingani wakho noma uthole lokho okufunayo. Lokhu kuthula okubandayo kungahlala amahora amaningi, ngisho nezinsuku, kufake isisulu osizini nasekungaqinisekini.

• Amazwi alulazayo afihlwe njengokuncoma: 

I-narcissistic pervert ihamba phambili ngobuciko bokuphonsa ama-barbs acashile kuyilapho igcina ukubonakala komusa. Imisho efana nokuthi “Wenze kahle kanye” noma “Kuyamangaza ukuthi ucabange lokho” empeleni ukuhlasela okuhloselwe ukubukela phansi ukuzethemba kozakwenu.

• Ukuhlehlisa njengendlela yokubhubhisa: 

Okunye okuvamile ukuziphatha ukuthambekela kokuhlehlisa imisebenzi ebalulekile kumlingani womuntu unomphela. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi i-aphoyintimenti yokwelashwa okufanele yenziwe noma ukulungisa okuphuthumayo endlini, umgadli uthola izaba zokungayinakekeli, eshiya umlingani wakhe ekhungathekile futhi engenakuzisiza.

• Ukukhohlwa okukhethekile enkonzweni yokukhohlisa: 

I-narcissist-aggressive-aggressive ngokuvamile yenza sengathi “ikhohlwa” izinto ezibalulekile kumlingani wayo, kuyilapho ikhumbula kahle ukuthi yini evumelana naye. Leli qhinga lihlose ukwenza isisulu singabaze inkumbulo yaso kanye nokusigcina sisesimweni sokungazethembi unomphela.

Imithelela edabukisayo yodlame lwenziwa kulowo ohlukunyeziwe

Udlame oluqhubekayo lungaba nemithelela elimaza kakhulu kuzisulu zabo:

• Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo nokuphelelwa amandla: 

Ukuphila nsuku zonke nozakwethu ongenzi lutho kuwumzamo omkhulu. Isisulu sizithola siqaphile ngaso sonke isikhathi, sizama ukulindela igalelo eliphansi elilandelayo noma ukudambisa ukungezwani okucashile. Lokhu kuqapha njalo kugcina kuqeda amandla akhe.

• La ukudideka kwengqondo kanye nokulahlekelwa ama-bearings: 

Ebhekene nokuziphatha okungqubuzanayo kwe-narcissist kanye nemiyalezo engaqondakali, isisulu kancane kancane silahlekelwa ukuthembela ekwahluleleni kwaso. Uqala ukungabaza imibono yakhe kanye nengqondo yakhe, into eyaziwa ngokuthi “i-gaslighting.”

• Ukuhlukaniswa komphakathi okuqhubekayo: 

Ukuze kugwenywe izingxabano nezimo ezibangela amahloni, isisulu sivame ukuzihlukanisa kakhulu. Uyeka imisebenzi yakhe yokuzijabulisa futhi aqhelane nabasondelene naye, ngaleyo ndlela aqinise ukuvalelwa kwakhe ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi.

• Ukuwohloka kokuzethemba: 

Ngokubhekana nokugxekwa okugubuzele nezimpawu ezicashile zokudelela, isisulu siwufaka ngaphakathi umuzwa ojulile wokungafaneleki. Ugcina esezibona engafaneleki futhi engalufanele uthando.

Isixhumanisi phakathi kodlame oluqhubekayo kanye nokuhlukumeza kwe-narcissistic

Udlame oluqhubekayo nokuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic kuhlangene ku-dynamic dynamic lapho ukulawulwa nokukhohlisa kusetshenziswa ngezindlela ezicashile kodwa ezilimazayo. Lobu budlelwano obuyinkimbinkimbi buzibonakalisa ngezici ezimbalwa ezibalulekile ezihlanganayo futhi eziqinisanayo.

1.Isu lokulawula buthule

Umhlukumezi we-narcissistic usebenzisa udlame lokungenzi lutho njengethuluzi elincanyelwayo lokugcina ukulawula kwakhe. Lolu hlobo lodlame, okunzima ukulihlonza kunodlame oluqondile, luvumela umgadli ukuthi:

• Ukugcina i-facade yakho yokuphelela komphakathi
• Ukugwema izinsolo eziqondile zokuhlukumeza
• Khulisa isisulu sakho ngaphandle kokushiya iminonjana ebonakalayo

2.Imicimbi ehlanganyelwe

Udlame olwenziwayo luba isandiso esingokwemvelo sokuthambekela kokukhohlisa kwe-narcissist, okubonakala njengalokhu:

• Ukwelashwa buthule (ukuvala indlebe)
• Ukuhlehlisa ngamabomu
• Izinkulumo ezinolaka
• Ukucekelwa phansi okucashile kwamaphrojekthi ezisulu
• Ukuphika okuhlelekile kweqiniso lomunye

3.Umjikelezo ononya wokukhanyiswa kwegesi

Udlame oluqhubekayo luvumela i-narcissist ukuthi ikhulise ukukhanya kwegesi, idale indawo lapho isisulu:

1. Uhlale engabaza umbono wakhe weqiniso
2. Elokhu ezibuza njalo
3. Kancane kancane uphelelwa ithemba ekwahluleleni kwakhe
4. Uxolisa ngezimo angenacala kuzo

Izingibe okufanele uzigweme uma usebenza nozakwethu ongenzi lutho

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela nokugwema izingibe ezithile ebudlelwaneni nomuntu ohlanekezela i-narcissistic:

• Umdlalo we icala : 

I-narcissist izozama ukukusola ngokuziphatha kwakhe okunobuthi. Hlala uqinile ukuthi izenzo zakhe zingezakhe futhi awunasibopho ngezinqumo zakhe.

• Imizamo “yokushintsha” uzakwethu: 

Kuyalinga ukukholelwa ukuthi ngothando olwanele nokubekezela, singamguqula umnakekeli. Ngeshwa, lolu hlobo lomuntu lumelana kakhulu noshintsho. Kunalokho, gxila enhlalakahleni yakho siqu.

• Izithembiso ezingenalutho: 

Lapho bebhekene nezenzo zabo, i-narcissist ingase yenze izithembiso ezinhle zoshintsho. Ungakhohliswa yilezi zibopho ezingeke zilandelwe yimiphumela ebonakalayo.

• Isifiso sokuziphindiselela ngodlame olwenziwayo: 

Kungase kube ukulinga ukusebenzisa amaqhinga afanayo nozakwethu onobuthi. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kuzokwenza isimo sibe sibi kakhulu futhi kukususe emazingeni akho. Hlala uthembekile kuwena nobuqotho bakho.

Ireferensi yezincwadi mayelana nodlame olwenziwayo

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibheli endikimbeni yodlame lwenziwa:

1. Kahn, D. (2010). Udlame oluqhubekayo: ububi obucashile ebudlelwaneni babantu. EParis: Editions L’Harmattan.
2. Levi, J. (2005). Udlame lwamagama: isifundo ngodlame olungenzi lutho emndenini. I-Lyon: I-Press Universitaires de Lyon.
3. Vigneault, M. (2012). Udlame olungokwengqondo nolwenziwayo: ukuqonda ukuze wenze okuthile. Toulouse: Éditions Erès.
4. Gaucher, uMnu. (2018). Ukungaphathwa kahle kwesikhashana: izingqinamba kanye nemibono. Paris: Éditions Dunod.
5. Dupont, C. (2016). Udlame nomphakathi: ubuso obufihlekile bodlame olwenziwayo. I-Brussels: Izinguqulo zeNyuvesi yaseBrussels.
6. Simon, P. (2014). Ukusuka kudlame olujwayelekile kuye kodlame olwenziwayo: ukuqonda ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano. I-Marseille: I-Éditions Parenthesis.
7. Tanguy, S. (2019). Udlame kanye nezingxabano phakathi kwabantu: indawo yodlame oluqhubekayo. Nantes: Editions Cécile Defaut.

Lezi zincwadi kufanele zikunikeze ukubuka konke okuhle kwezingxenye ezihlukene zodlame lwenziwa kanye nemithelela yalo ezimweni ezehlukene.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, udlame oluqhubekayo luwuhlobo oluyingozi kakhulu lokuhlukumeza ebudlelwaneni nomuntu ophendukela ku-narcissistic. Ngokufunda ukukubona nokubhekana nakho, izisulu zabesifazane zingaphinde zilawule ukuphila kwazo futhi ziqale indlela yokwelapha. Ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi ufanelwe inhlonipho, uthando nomusa. Ngokusekelwa nokubekezela, kungenzeka ukugqashula ethonyeni elinobuthi futhi wakhe kabusha ukuphila okwanelisayo.