Ubanjwe Uthando Olunobuthi: Inkinga Edabukisayo Phakathi Kokuhlala Nokuchuma

Ingabe uzizwa uvaleleke ebuhlotsheni obuhlukumezayo, obuhlukaniswe phakathi kwesifiso sokuhlala nesidingo sokuhlonishwa? Zitholele ukuthi ungayiqondisisa kanjani futhi uyinqobe kanjani le ndida ebuhlungu ethinta abesifazane abaningi abayizisulu zama-narcissistic perverts.

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Izimpawu zokuthi Ubanjwe Uthando Olunobuthi

Ubudlelwano bothando obunobuthi kungaba nzima ukububona uma uphakathi kwakho. Nazi izimpawu zokuthi ungase ubambeke ekuguqumeni okungenampilo.

1. Umona nokulawula ngokweqile

• Umlingani wakho uhlale eqapha izenzo zakho
• Ufuna ukufinyelela kufoni yakho kanye nama-akhawunti omphakathi

2. Ukuzihlukanisa okuqhubekayo

• Usuka kancane kancane kubathandekayo bakho
• Umlingani wakho uhlale egxeka abangani nomndeni wakho

3. I-roller coaster yemizwa

• Imijikelezo ephindaphindiwe yezingxabano nokubuyisana
• Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo ngezithembiso zoshintsho

4. Ukulahlekelwa ukuzazi

• Awusaziboni
• Uhlala ungabaza imibono nezahlulelo zakho

5. Umdwebo we ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo

• Izinsongo zokuhlukana noma ukuzibulala
• Ukusebenzisa Icala Njengenzuzo
• Ukusola njalo ngokuntula kwakho uthando noma ukuzibophezela

6. Ukuphazamisa imizwa yakho

• Wenziwa ukholwe ukuthi uzwela kakhulu
• Umlingani wakho uyenqaba ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zakhe

I-7 I ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba

• Ukuthotshiswa njalo nokugxekwa
• Ukuxhashazwa ngamazwi noma ngokomzimba
• Ukuziphatha okunolaka okulandelwa izaba

8. Ukusebenzisana ngendlela engenampilo

• Akunakwenzeka ukuzicabangela ngaphandle komlingani wakho
• Ukwesaba isizungu okuqeda amandla

Inhliziyo yenkinga: ukukhetha okungenakwenzeka?

Uma usebudlelwaneni nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic, uvame ukuzithola ubhekene nenkinga enzima: ufuna ukulondoloza ubudlelwano kuyilapho ufisa ukungaphinde uhlukumezeke.

Kungani ufuna ukuhlala naphezu kwakho konke? Izizathu ziningi:

• Uthando olunobuthi nokunamathelana
• Isidingo sokuba yingxenye
• Ukuphepha (ezezimali, umndeni)
• Ingcindezi yomphakathi
• I-Nostalgia
• Ukwesaba isizungu.

Nsuku zonke, izigidi zabesifazane emhlabeni jikelele zizibuza ngasese umbuzo ofanayo: kufanele ngihlale noma ngihambe? Lesi sinqumo, esake sathonywa yinkolo, umphakathi kanye nezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, manje sincike ngokuphelele emahlombe ethu. Umbandela kuphela obalulekile manje imizwa yethu, okungaba nzima kakhulu ukunquma ku-a ubuhlobo obunobuthi.

Iqiniso elibuhlungu: ukuhlukumeza akuhlukaniseki ebudlelwaneni

Nali iqiniso elinzima ongalamukela: Ebudlelwaneni ne-narcissist, ukuhlukumeza kuyingxenye yephakheji. Alukho uhlobo “olungenalo ukuhlukunyezwa” lwalolu thando olunobuthi.

Izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza zihlukene:

• Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo
• Ukuthotshiswa nokugconwa
• Ukukhanyisa igesi (okwenza abantu bangabaze umbono wabo weqiniso)
• I-tantrums
• Asikhaphele.

Ukwamukela okunqala: ukhiye wokuqhubekela phambili

Ukwamukela ngokuphelele kumayelana nokuqaphela ngokugcwele leli qiniso: ukuhlala kulobu budlelwano kusho ukwamukela ukuxhashazwa. Akukona ukukhetha okulula, kodwa kuyisisekelo sokwenza izinqumo ezinolwazi.

Buza lokho okulindele mayelana nempilo yocansi eyanelisayo ngemva kweminyaka eminingi kangaka. Ingabe usukulungele ukwamukela ukuthi lingase lingabi khona ikusasa lalolu thando olunobuthi?

Izinzuzo ezingalindelekile zokuhlukana

Nakuba ukwehlukana kubuhlungu, izisulu eziningi zibika ukukhululeka okukhulu ngemva kokushiya umlingani wazo oyisicefe. Kunjengokungathi isisindo esikhulu sisusiwe emahlombe abo.

Isicupho sokuqhathanisa nethemba

Qaphela abantu abangabodwa abaseduze kwakho. Ingabe ukuphila kokungashadile kufiseleka kakhulu ngempela? Khumbula ukuthi ukushintsha isimo sakho kuzoshintsha uhlobo olulodwa lweshwa olwehlele kube olunye, okungenzeka lube lukhulu kakhulu.

Ukuxhumana: umzamo wokugcina

Zama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho okokugcina, ngaphandle kokumsola ngokuqamba amanga. Vele uveze imizwa yakho nokukhungatheka kwakho. Cabanga nje ukuthi ubungazizwa kanjani ukube uyingane kulesi simo.

I-introspection edingekayo: imibuzo ebalulekile okufanele uzibuze yona

Ukuze ubone izinto ngokucace kakhudlwana, nansi eminye imibuzo ebalulekile okufanele uzibuze yona ngezikhathi zokuzola:

1. Kungakanani ukungajabuli kwakho okuxhumene ngqo nophathina wakho?
2. Lingakanani igalelo lakho, noma lincane kakhulu, ezingxabanweni?
3. Yiziphi izici ezinhle zomlingani wakho wamanje uma kuqhathaniswa nabangaphambili?
4. Yiziphi izinkinga oye wazifunda ukuthi ungabe usabhekana nazo?

Indlela yokuphuma kuyo?

1. Yazi ukuthi okufunayo (ubudlelwano obunempilo nalo muntu) abukho futhi angeke bube khona.
2. Zizungeze ngokusekela (abangane, umndeni, umelaphi).
3. Gxila ekubalulekeni kwakho nasekuphileni kahle kwakho.
4. Cabangela ukudala “umndeni okhethiwe” ukuze uhlangabezane nezidingo zobudlelwane bakho ngezindlela ezinempilo.

Khumbula: ufanelwe ukuthandwa nokuhlonishwa. Ukuphila ngaphandle kokuhlukunyezwa kuyenzeka, futhi kulula ngokungenamkhawulo futhi kuyanelisa.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zothando olunobuthi

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibhili ngendikimba yothando olunobuthi:

1. ULévy, J. (2014). Ubudlelwano bothando obunobuthi: ukuqonda nokuphuma emjikelezweni wokuhlupheka. Editions Jouvence.
2. U-Moulin, F. (2019). Uthando olunobuthi: ukuqonda nokuzikhulula ebuhlotsheni obulimazayo. Editions de l’Homme.
3. Dulac, M. (2016). I-Psychology yokukhohlisa imizwa: lapho uthando luba nobuthi. Ama-Editions Ellipses.
4. U-Gérard, F. (2017). Ukuncika ngokomzwelo: ukuqonda ukwenza kangcono. I-Press Universitaires de France.
5. Bouchard, S. (2012). Ubudlelwano phakathi kwabantu: uthando, ubungane kanye nobuthi. Ijenali yamazwe ngamazwe yePsychology, 7(2), 123-145.
6. U-Legrand, C. (2015). Amanxeba Othando: Ukuhlupheka Ebudlelwaneni Obunobuthi. Psychology and Life, 22(4), 78-89.
7. U-Hirigoyen, M. (2001). Ukuhlukunyezwa kokuziphatha: ubudlova obuhlanekezelwe nsuku zonke. I-Discovery.

Lezi zithenjwa kufanele zikunikeze isisekelo esiqinile sokuhlola isihloko sothando olunobuthi obuvela ezinhlangothini ezahlukene.

Isinqumo sokugcina: hamba noma uhlale?

Uma, ngemva kwalokhu kucabangela, isifiso sokushiya siqhubeka futhi ukuzisola okungenzeka kubonakala kuncane, kungase kube yisikhathi sokushiya lobu buhlobo obunobuthi.

Khumbula: ufanelwe ukuthandwa nokuhlonishwa. Ukuphila ngaphandle kokuhlukunyezwa kuyenzeka, futhi kulula ngokungenamkhawulo futhi kuyanelisa. Indlela eya ekululameni ingaba yinde, kodwa zonke izinyathelo ezincane zibalulekile. Unamandla ngaphakathi kuwe okunqamula lo mjikelezo onobuthi futhi uzakhe kabusha.