Ukuzizonda: okudingeka ukwazi ngalo muzwa olimazayo

Ngezikhathi ezithile, kuyinto evamile ukuzwa izwi elincane elibi ekhanda lakho. Kodwa-ke, uma seliba libi kakhulu, ukuzizonda Kungaba yinkinga enzima futhi enzima ukuyisingatha wedwa. Nakhu okudingeka ukwazi ngokuzizonda.

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Kuyini ukuzizonda?

Ukuzizonda, noma ukuzenyanya, kuwukuzigxeka ngokweqile. Umuntu ozwa lo muzwa uhlushwa okukhulu ukuntula ukuzethemba ecindezelekile. Angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi akukho akwenzayo okuke kube kuhle ngokwanele noma ukuthi akazifanelekeli izinto ezinhle ezenzeka kuye. Ukuzizonda kungase kube sengathi kukhona umuntu okulandela usuku lonke, akugxekayo futhi akubonise wonke amaphutha akho, noma akuhlaze ngawo wonke amaphutha akho.

Kungani ngizizonda? Izimpawu eziyisi-9 zokuzizonda

Ukuzigxeka kuyingxenye ebalulekile yentuthuko yomuntu siqu. Ikuvumela ukuthi uzuze ukuvuthwa, amakhono noma ukuhlakanipha. Ngenxa yalokhu, kubalulekile ukuqaphela umugqa phakathi kokuzazi okunempilo nokuzizonda. Ikakhulukazi uma ubona ukuthi unemicabango yokuzizonda ephindaphindayo.

Kunezimpawu ezimbalwa okufanele uziqaphele ezingakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi lokho okuzwayo kuhlobene yini nokuzizonda:

1. Imicabango yakho ikuvimbela ukuthi ufeze izinhloso zakho noma usebenze kahle empilweni yakho.
2. Awukwazi ukususa imicabango yakho emibi.
3. Unokuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu futhi uzizwa sengathi awenele kulokho okwenzayo.
4. Uhlala ugxila ezintweni ezingezinhle, ngisho noma kwenzeka izinto ezinhle.
5. Imicabango yakho yokuzenyanya sengathi iza kuwe ngaphandle kwesixwayiso.
6. Uba nemizwa eyengeziwe yokuzizwa ungelutho nokucindezeleka.
7. Unobunzima bokwamukela izincomo.
8. Uhlala ufuna ukugunyazwa kwabanye ukuze uzizwe uqinisekisiwe.
9. Uke waba nemicabango yokuzibulala.

Uma noma yiziphi izimpawu ezingenhla zichaza lokho ohlangabezane nakho noma okuzwile kamuva nje, cishe yisikhathi sokuthola ukuthi ungafunda kanjani ukuphatha kangcono imizwa yakho.

Ziyini izimbangela zokuzonda?

Imizwa yokuzenyanya ibuhlungu kakhulu, kodwa ukuthola umsuka wale mizwelo kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibheke ekwelapheni. Uma ulwa nemicabango enenzondo, cabanga ukuthi yini ekubangele. Ingabe wenze iphutha emsebenzini? Ingabe ubuhlobo bothando baphela kabi? Ukuhlonza i-trigger kungakusiza ukuthi ubhekane kangcono nemicabango yakho enenzondo ngesikhathi esilandelayo lapho ivela khona.

Ngaphandle kwezimbangela ezisheshayo, izimbangela zokuzizonda zingase zihlotshaniswe nezimo zemvelo. Isibonelo, kukhona abazali abagxeka ngokweqile noma izici zobuntu ezinjengokufuna ukuphelela. Lapho nje imizwa yokuzizwa ungento yalutho nokuzethemba isiqalile, kungase kube nzima ukuyinyakazisa.

Indlela yokulwa nokuzizonda?

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokulwa nokuzizonda ukuzithanda wena kanyefunda ukubuyisela ukuzethemba. Kunezinye izindlela ezisebenzayo zokufeza lokhu:

1. Bonana nodokotela

Nakuba kungenzeka ukwamukela imikhuba emihle yokulawula ukuzizonda, kuhlale kungcono kakhulu ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe. Ukuhambela ukwelashwa kuzokuvumela ukuthi uhlole amasu ahlukene okwenza imicabango yakho yokuzenyanya inyamalale.. Njengoba kunezinhlobo eziningana zokwelapha, ungangabazi ukubonana nomelaphi onolwazi ukuze uthole ukuthi iyiphi ekufanelekela kangcono icala lakho.

2. Zindla

Kumuntu onemicabango emnyama, umqondo wokuzindla ungase ubonakale ukude nokuphumula. Nokho, ukuzindla akudingi ukuthi uvimbele imicabango yakho. Kunalokho, imane ikucele ukuba uzinake kakhudlwana.

Ukunaka kakhulu imicabango yakho, bese ukhetha ngokuqaphela ukuthi uzophendula kanjani kuyo, ukuthi ungayinaki noma uyamukele, indlela enhle yokulwa nemicabango engemihle nemizwa engemihle. Uma unenkinga yokuzindla, zilolongeukwelashwa kwezobuciko kungenye indlela ethokozisayo yokuxosha imicabango yakho engemihle.

3. Zizungeze nabantu abaqondile

Ukukusekela emizamweni yakho, kuyatuseka ukuba uzungeze nabantu abakwazisayo futhi bakukhuthaze ukuthi ube inguqulo engcono kakhulu yakho. Ngale ndlela, izwi elibi ekhanda lakho lizoba namandla amancane phezu kwakho. Ukwesekwa kwabasondelene nawe kungakunikeza ugqozi lokulwa nemizwa yakho engemihle ukuze uphile impilo ejabulisayo.

I-bibliographic reference yokuqonda ukuzizonda

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zesayensi endabeni “yokuzizonda”:

1. U-Alberto Eiguer. Ukuzonda wena kanye nabanye: Psychoanalysis of stigma. EParis: Dunod, 2022.
2. Theodor Lessing. Ukuzizonda noma ukwenqaba ukuba ngumJuda. I-Paris: Pocket, 2011.
3. U-Eva Brabant-Gerö. “Ukuzizonda, ukuzonda abanye.” IQhude LeQhawe, 2018/1 (No. 232), amakhasi 9 kuya ku-16.
4. Daniel Sibony. “Ukuzizonda” kuwumqondo omubi. IQhude LeQhawe, 2018/1 (No. 232), amakhasi 17 kuya ku-26.
5. Francois Ladame. “Inzondo nobusha: ubani ozonda ubani?” “. Intsha, 2015/2 (T. 33 n°2), amakhasi 289 kuya ku-300.
6. Georges Gachnochi. “Ukuzizonda: ukusuka ekubeni necala kuya ku-narcissism.” IQhude LeQhawe, 2018/1 (No. 232), amakhasi 39 kuya ku-47.
7. U-Alain Ehrenberg. Ukhathele ukuba nguwe: ukucindezeleka nomphakathi. EParis: Odile Jacob, 1998.

Lezi zikhombo zinikeza umbono ojulile ngombono wokuzizonda, eziwubeka ezimweni zengqondo, zezenhlalo namasiko.

Isiphetho

Ukuzizonda kungase kubonakale kungaphezu kwamandla akho, kodwa akunakugwenywa. Ngokufunda ukuqonda izimbangela zayo nokuzizungezile ngokusekelwa, kungenzeka ukuguqula leli zwi elingaphakathi elibi. Zinakekele futhi, uma kunesidingo, ungangabazi ukucela usizo. Ufanelwe ukuphila ngokuzihawukela futhi ubuye uthole ukuzethemba ngokuthi ungubani.

👇 Ukuze ufunde kabanzi:

• Izimpawu Zokukhanyisa Igesi – Konke Odinga Ukukwazi
• Odinga ukukwazi nge-abandonment syndrome
• I-Narcissistic Manipulator Ephendukezelwe – Konke Odinga Ukukwazi

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