Ukunqoba Ukuthembela Emizweni: Uhlelo Lwezinyathelo Eziyi-7

Uyazi ukuthi lobu budlelwano buyakulimaza. Kungenzeka ukuthi uke washo kanjalo ngokuzwakalayo. Kodwa-ke, lapho ucabanga ngokuhamba, kukhona okuqinisayo esifubeni sakho: ukwesaba ukungabi nalutho, umuzwa wokuthi ngaphandle komunye umuntu, ngeke usinde. Le ngxabano yangaphakathi inegama: i ukuncika okuthintekayo.

Izindaba ezinhle: kungenzeka ukuthi ukhululeke. Hhayi ngobusuku obubodwa, noma ngamandla okuzenzela, kodwa ngokulandela indlela ehamba kancane kancane. Lesi sihloko sinikeza uhlelo olunezinyathelo ezi-7 olwenzelwe abantu abasebudlelwaneni noma abake baba nobudlelwano nomlingani okhohlisayo njengamanje.

Kuyini ukuthembela ngokomzwelo?

Ukuthembela ngokomzwelo kubhekisela esidingweni esikhulu sokuba omunye umuntu azizwe ephila, ephephile, noma efanelwe uthando. Akukhona ukuthanda “kakhulu”: kumayelana nokuthanda ngezindleko zakhoInhlalakahle incike cishe ngokuphelele ekubeni khona, ukunakwa, noma ukwamukelwa umlingani.

Ezinye izimpawu ezivamile:

• Usaba kakhulu ukushiywa kangangokuthi uyakwamukela okukuzwisa ubuhlungu;
• Ubeka izidingo zakho eceleni ukuze ugweme izingxabano;
• isimo sakho sengqondo silandela esomunye umuntu, ihora nehora;
• Ukuba wedwa kubonakala kungabekezeleleki kuwe, ngisho noma kungezinsuku ezimbalwa nje;
• Uthethelela ukuziphatha kwabathandekayo bakho obungakuthola kungamukeleki komunye umuntu.

Ukuze uthole umbono ophelele wezimbangela nezimpawu, funda isihloko sethu esijulile mayelana ukuncika ngokomzweloLapha, sigxila embuzweni okungenzeka ukuthi ukukhathaza kakhulu: indlela yokuphuma kukho.

Ukuthembela ngokomzwelo othandweni: kungani kunamandla kangaka

Abacwaningi ngezinye izikhathi baqhathanisa uthando oluvuthayo nezindlela zokulutha. Isibuyekezo esanyatheliswa ngo-2016 ku- Imingcele e-Psychology Kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi uthando lothando nezidakamizwa kuvuselela imijikelezo yemivuzo ebuchosheni ehlangana kancane. Lesi esinye sezizathu ezenza ukuphuthelwa ngomunye umuntu kuzwakale njengokuhoxa kwangempela.

Ukuhlaziywa kwe-meta ka-2025 okushicilelwe ku- I-Journal of Addictions of Behavioral Ngaphezu kwalokho, ixhumanisa lokho okubizwa ngokuthi “umlutha wothando” nezitayela zokunamathela ezingavikelekile, ikakhulukazi ukunamathela okukhathazekile. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuncika ngokomzwelo kuvame ukusekelwe ezidingweni zokuphepha ezazingahlangatshezwanga ngaphambilini empilweni.

Icala elithile lomuntu oxhomeke ngokomzwelo obhekene nomuntu okhohlisayo

Ngomlingani okhohlisayo noma othanda ukuzikhukhumeza, ukuncika kuqiniswa ukushintshana phakathi kwezikhathi zobubele nezikhathi zokwenqatshwa. Lokhu “kushisa nokubanda” kudala lokho okubizwa ngokuthi isibopho esibuhlungu: lapho ubuhlobo bubuhlungu kakhulu, kulapho umuntu enamathela khona ezikhathini ezingavamile zobubele. Sichaze le ndlela esihlokweni sethu mayelana umjikelezo wokuzikhukhumeza, futhi kabanzi ku ugibe lomuntu ophambukayo oziqhenyayo.

Umkhohlisi uyazi nokuthi angayisebenzisa kanjani indlela yokwesaba ukulahlekelwa. ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo (“Uma ungishiya, ngeke ngilulame”) ingenye yamathuluzi akhe ayithandayo okulondoloza ukuthembela kuye.

Uhlelo lwezinyathelo ezi-7 lokunqoba ukuncika ngokomzwelo

Lezi zinyathelo aziwona umjaho. Ezinye zithatha izinsuku ezimbalwa, ezinye izinyanga eziningana. Ungabuyela emuva, bese uqala futhi: lokho kuvamile.

Isinyathelo 1: Vuma ukuthi umlutha ngaphandle kokuzahlulela

Isinyathelo sokuqala ukwenza umbono oqotho: “Ngithembele kulobu budlelwano.” Lokhu akusikho ubuthakathaka noma iphutha lomuntu. Kuyindlela eqondakalayo yokuphendula esikhathini esidlule, imizwa ebuhlungu, ngezinye izikhathi ekuphatheni ngobuhlakani. Ihlazo liyisitha sakho lapha: liholela ekucasheni, ngakho-ke ukuhlala wedwa.

Isinyathelo 2: Qapha imidwebo yakho

Thatha incwadi yokubhalela bese, amasonto amabili, ubhala phansi izikhathi lapho uzizwa uncishwe noma ukhathazekile. Kwenzekeni ngaphambi nje kwalokho? Umyalezo ongaphendulwanga, ukuphawula, ukungabikho? Wenzani ngokulandelayo? Lokhu kuqaphela kukusiza ukuthi ubone izimbangela kanye nokusabela okuzenzakalelayo.

Isinyathelo 3: Nciphisa (noma unciphise) ukuthintana

Uma nje umthombo wokuthembela uhlala ukhona, kunzima kakhulu ukugqashula. Uma ubuhlobo buyingozi, ibanga libalulekile: imiyalezo embalwa, ukuqapha okwengeziwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, futhi okungcono kakhulu, isikhathi “sokungathintani”. Uma ninezingane ndawonye, ​​​​ukuxhumana okuncane okuyiqiniso kungangena esikhundleni.

Isinyathelo 4: Dlula ekusweleni esikhundleni sokukubalekela

Amaviki ambalwa okuqala avame ukuba nzima kakhulu. Ukulangazelela kuza ngamagagasi: ingoma, iphunga, kusihlwa ngempelasonto. Esikhundleni sokufinyelela ucingo lwakho, zama ukusho lokho okuzwayo (“njengamanje, ngiyesaba ukuba ngedwa”), phefumula, bese uvumela igagasi linciphe. Kuhlala kunjalo.

Isinyathelo 5: Yakha kabusha ukuphepha kwekhaya lakho

Ukuthembela ngokomzwelo kuvame ukuncika enkolelweni yokuthi “Ngikhona kuphela uma othile engithanda.” Kumayelana nokwakha kancane kancane umuzwa wokulondeka ongancikile kumuntu oyedwa kuphela: imikhuba ekwenza uzizwe kahle, imisebenzi lapho uzizwa unekhono khona, izibopho ezincane ezenziwe kuwe. Isihloko sethu mayelana ukuzimela ngokomzwelo inikeza izixazululo eziqondile.

Isinyathelo 6: Nweba umbuthano wakho wokusekela

Uma unokuxhumana okuningi, kulapho umuntu oyedwa kuphela ogcina khona ibhalansi yakho. Xhumana kabusha nomngane olahlekelwe ukuxhumana naye, joyina iqembu lokusekelana, noma uhlanganyele emsebenzini weqembu. Akudingeki utshele konke; vele uphile ngezinye izindlela.

Isinyathelo 7: Thola ukwesekwa futhi uvimbele ukubuyela emuva kokugula

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo noma uchwepheshe wezifo zengqondo angakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nezimbangela eziyinhloko zokulutha kwakho (umlando womndeni, ukunamathela, ukuzethemba). Umqeqeshi angakusiza ukuthi uhlele impilo yakho yansuku zonke futhi unamathele ezinqumweni zakho. Futhi, lungiselela “uhlelo lwakho lokuvimbela ukubuyela emuva”: uzokwenzenjani ngobusuku ozizwa unesifiso sokuthumelela umuntu oshade naye imiyalezo?

Uhlu Lokuhlola: ukuphi?

Hlola ngengqondo izitatimende ezisebenza kuwe namuhla:

• ☐ Ngingasho ukuthi ngiluthekile ngaphandle kokuzizwa ngingelutho.
• ☐ Ngiyazi okungenani izimo ezintathu ezibangela izimpawu zokuhoxa kwami.
• ☐ Nginciphise (noma nginqamule) ukuxhumana nomuntu.
• ☐ Nginomuntu oyedwa noma ababili engingabashayela ucingo uma izinto zingahambi kahle.
• ☐ Ngiphinde ngaqala umsebenzi owodwa okungenani ongenza ngizizwe kahle.
• ☐ Ngiyazi ukuthi ngizokwenzenjani uma isifiso sokubuyela emuva sinamandla.
• ☐ Ngihlele i-aphoyintimenti (noma ngihlela ukuyenza) nochwepheshe.

Ibhokisi ngalinye elimakiwe liyisinyathelo. Akukho oda elidingekayo, futhi akukho gredi lokugcina.

Izingibe okufanele uzigweme endleleni

• Shintsha okunye ukuthembela okunye ngokunye : ukuziphonsa ebudlelwaneni obusha ngokushesha okukhulu, noma emsebenzini, otshwaleni, kuma-screen.
• Ukulinda ukuxolisa Umuntu okhohlisayo akavamile ukuvuma amaphutha akhe. Ukululama kwakho akuxhomekile kubo.
• Ukukholelwa “ekuzameni kokugcina” : ukwehluleka kuvamile. Akusho ukwehluleka, kodwa kuyasiza ukuqonda indlela okusemuva kwayo, ikakhulukazi ukuhova, lo mzamo “wokukudonsela” futhi.
• Ukuzihlukanisa ngenxa yamahloni Abathandekayo bakho bavame ukuqonda okungaphezu kwalokho ocabanga ngakho.

Ungakuphatha kanjani ukuthembela ngokomzwelo isikhathi eside?

Awuyilaphi “ukuthembela” ngokomzwelo njengoba ubungakwelapha ukutheleleka. Kunalokho, ufunda ukuthanda ngendlela ehlukile: ngemingcele, ukugcina isikhala sakho, nokukhetha abalingani abakwaziyo ukubuyiselana. Izindlela zokwelapha ezibhekana nokunamathelana, ukuzethemba, kanye nokulawula ngokomzwelo zivame ukunconywa. Uma ubuhlobo bukushiya nezimpawu zokukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, noma imicabango emnyama, xhumana nodokotela noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo: lolu hlobo lokuhlupheka lungelashwa.

Ukuze sibalekele umuzwa wokuba “yisisulu sokuphila konke,” isihloko sethu mayelana isifo sokuhlukunyezwa ngokwengqondo kungakusiza ukuthi uthathe isinyathelo esilandelayo.

Uma kwenzeka ingozi noma ubudlova, shayela ucingo 3919 (ukulalela kwamahhala nokungaziwa), 17 noma 112.

Imibuzo fréquentes

Kuthatha isikhathi esingakanani ukunqoba ukuthembela ngokomzwelo?

Akukho ubude obujwayelekile. Amasonto ambalwa okuqala okuhlukana avame ukuba nzima kakhulu; ngemva kwalokho, ukuqina kokulangazelela kwehla kancane kancane. Umsebenzi ojulile wokuzethemba nokunamathelana uthatha isikhathi eside, ngokuvamile izinyanga eziningana.

Ingabe umuntu oxhomeke ngokomzwelo angaba ngumuntu okhohlisayo?

Yebo, kuyenzeka: ukwesaba ukulahlekelwa ngomunye umuntu kungaholela ekukhubekeni unecala, ekuqapheni, noma ekusolweni. Akufani nokuphazamiseka kobuntu okuzikhukhumeza, kodwa kufanelekile ukubhekana nakho, kokubili wena kanye nobudlelwano.

Ingabe umuntu angakunqoba ukuthembela ngokomzwelo eyedwa?

Ingxenye yohambo ingenziwa yodwa, kodwa ukwesekwa kuyasheshisa futhi kuvikele inqubo, ikakhulukazi ngemva kobudlelwano obuhlukumezayo.

Ingabe ukuthembela ngokomzwelo kuyisifo?

Akuyona into yokuxilonga esemthethweni ekuhlukanisweni kwezifo zengqondo, kodwa ifundwa ngocwaningo futhi ingahambisana nokuhlupheka kwangempela okuqinisekisa usizo lochwepheshe.

Isiphetho

Ukunqoba ukuthembela ngokomzwelo kusho ukufunda kabusha ukuzethemba wena nokuzimela, ngaphandle kokuyeka uthando. Thatha izinyathelo ezincane, ujabulele isinyathelo ngasinye, futhi ungathwali lo mthwalo wedwa. Uma ungathanda ukwesekwa phakathi nalolu shintsho, ungafunda kabanzi mayelana ukuqeqeshwa kwezisulu zabahlukumezi abazikhukhumezayo.

Imithombo

• UZou Z. nabanye, “Uthando Lothando vs. Umlutha Wezidakamizwa Kungase Kukhuthaze Ukwelashwa Okusha Komlutha,” Imingcele e-Psychology2016: I-PMC5031705
• UCavalli RG nabanye, “Ukuqonda umlutha wothando ngaphakathi kombono wokunamathisela: Ukubuyekezwa okuhlelekile kanye nokuhlaziywa kwe-meta”, I-Journal of Addictions of Behavioral2025: I-PMC12284683
• I-Service-Public.fr, “Udlame Lwasekhaya”: isevisi-public.gouv.fr

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.