Ukuhlukumezeka Kwezingane: Ukuqonda Izibopho Ezinobuthi

Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni kuyinto ebuhlungu eshiya amamaki ajulile futhi angabonakali. Lezi zibazi ezingokomzwelo zithonya indlela umuntu abona ngayo futhi azibandakanye ngayo ebuhlotsheni njengomuntu omdala. Bavame ukuxhaphaza ubuthakathaka kusukela ebuntwaneni ukuze bakhe ubudlelwano obukhohlisayo. Lesi sihloko sihlola ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni kububumba kanjani ubudlelwano obunobuthi lapho umuntu esekhulile, kugcizelelwa ekubopheni ukuhlukumezeka.

Kuyini ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni?

Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni kubhekisela kunoma yisiphi isenzakalo esibalulekile esinemiphumela ehlala njalo engokwengqondo enganeni. Lokhu kungaba:

• Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba noma ngokocansi : Udlame olungokomzimba noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi okwenziwe umzali noma umuntu omdala omethembayo.
• Ukunganakwa Kwemizwelo : Ukuntula uthando, ukunakwa noma ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo.
• Udlame olungokwengqondo : Ukuthuka, ukululazwa noma ukuxhashazwa umuntu omdala.
• Ukulahlekelwa noma ukulahlwa: Ukushona komzali noma ukushiywa umgadi.

Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho ngokuvamile kuholela ingane ukuba izizwe inesibopho saleso simo, ngoba ayikwazi ukucabanga umzali ngokuthi “mubi.” Isidingo esiyisisekelo sokunamathisela siholela ingane ekuthuthukiseni izindlela zokuzivikela lapho izisola khona ngokuziphatha okubi kwabazali.

Izimpawu Zokuhlukumezeka Kwezingane Ezingaxazululeki

Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, lapho kuyekwa kungelashwa, kungaba nemiphumela eminingi yesikhathi eside. Abantu abadala ababhekana nokuhlukumezeka ebusheni babo bavame ukubonisa izimpawu ezifana nalezi:

• Ukuzenyeza : Banombono ongelutho ngabo, ngokuvamile abazizwa “bengalufanelekele uthando.”
• Ukukhathazeka okungapheli : Isimo sokucindezeleka okungapheli, lapho umuntu ehlale elindele ukwenqatshwa noma ukwehluleka.
• Ukubukeka kwe ukuhlangana kwe-trauma
• Izinkinga zokuthembela : Ubunzima bokwethemba abanye, ngenxa yokwesaba ukukhashelwa noma ukulahlwa.
• Ukuthambekela kokuncika emoyeni: Ukungakwazi ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokuncika ngokweqile ngokomzwelo komunye.

Lezi zimpawu zibeka inkundla yobudlelwano obuhlukumezayo nabantu abanobuthi njengama-narcisists.

I-narcissistic pervert: uwasebenzisa kanjani amanxeba ezingane?

I-narcissistic pervert ingumuntu okhohlisayo osebenzisa intelezi nenkohliso ukuze alawule futhi axhaphaze izisulu zakhe. Ushintshana phakathi kwezigaba ze-idealization, lapho ethela inyamazane yakhe ngokunaka nothando, kanye nezigaba zokwehlisa inani, lapho emgxeka khona, emkhohlisa futhi emhlazisa. Kumuntu oke wahlukumezeka ebuntwaneni, lokhu kuguquguquka kujwayeleke ngendlela esabekayo.

Ama-Narcissists asizakala ngamanxeba angokomzwelo ngoku:

• Ukudlala amaphutha ukuzethemba : Baqinisa izinkolelo ezingezinhle isisulu esinazo ngabo.
• Ukushintshana phakathi kothando nokuhlukumeza : Lokhu kuziphatha kukhiqiza kabusha imijikelezo yokunamathisela engasebenzi etholwa phakathi nengane.
• Ukuhlukanisa isisulu: Banqamula abalingani babo kancane kancane ekusekeleni ngaphandle, ngaleyo ndlela baqinise ukuncika.

Kumuntu ohlukumezekile kwasebuntwaneni, lobu budlelwano obunobuthi bungase buthathwe ngephutha njengothando ngoba bufana nalokho ababhekana nakho ebusheni babo.

Ukunamathela okuhlukumezekile: kungani kunzima kangaka ukuhamba?

Ukusondelana okudabukisayo, noma ukusondelana kobuhlungu, kuyisenzakalo lapho isisulu sihlakulela ukusondelelana okujulile ngokomzwelo nomhlaseli waso naphezu kokuhlukunyezwa akutholile. Lesi sibopho siqiniswa ngemijikelezo yokushintshana phakathi kokuphathwa kabi nezikhathi zokunethezeka. Nansi indlela le nqubo esebenza ngayo:

• Ukuncika ngokomzwelo : Umhlukumezi udala umuzwa wokulondeka wesikhashana, oqiniswa izikhathi zokuzola noma zothando. Isisulu sibambelela kulezi zikhathi, sikholelwa ukuthi zingahlala.
• Icala : Umhlukumezi uvame ukuzizwa enecala ngokuziphatha komhlukumezi wakhe, ekholelwa ukuthi angakwazi ukuziguqula.
• Ukudideka : Ukushintshashintsha phakathi kwezikhathi zothando nokulahlwa kudala isimo esididayo esingokomzwelo, lapho isisulu sikuthola kunzima ukuhlukanisa okunempilo nalokho okulimazayo.

Lokhu kuguquguquka kungaba yingozi ikakhulukazi kulabo abaye babhekana nokuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, njengoba kwenza amaphethini emizwa agxilile engqondweni yabo.

Imiphumela yesikhathi eside yobudlelwano nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni no-a i-narcissistic pervert kungandisa amanxeba okuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni futhi kuholele emiphumeleni enzima engokwengqondo, ehlanganisa:

• Ukucindezeleka okukhulu : Ukuhlukumeza njalo kwehlisa ukuzethemba futhi kungaholela ekucindezelekeni.
• I-Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (i-CDT) : Izisulu zivame ukuhlushwa i-flashbacks, amaphupho amabi kanye nokuqapha ngokweqile.
• Ukuzihlukanisa emphakathini: Ngaphansi kwethonya le-narcissistic pervert, isisulu singalahlekelwa ukuxhumana nabantu, okwenza umuzwa waso wesizungu ube mubi.
• Izinkinga zokuthembela : Ukukhohlisa njalo kuqinisa ukungabethembi abanye okuvamile.

Le miphumela ingahlala isikhathi eside ngemva kokuphela kobudlelwane, okwenza kube nzima ukululama ngaphandle kosizo lochwepheshe.

Amaphethini okunamathiselwe okulimazayo lapho esekhulile

Amaphethini okunamathisela adalwe ebuntwaneni angadlulela ekubeni umuntu omdala, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni bezothando. Abantu abaningi abake bahlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni bakhangwa ozakwethu abane-narcissistic ngoba bavuselela imijikelezo yesiphithiphithi semizwa asebevele bahlangabezana naso. Kunezinhlobo ezimbalwa zokunamathiselwe ezithinta ubudlelwano ekukhuleni kwabantu abadala:

• Ukunamathela okukhathazekile : Umuntu uzizwa enesidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa futhi uphila ngokwesaba ukulahlwa.
• Gwema okunamathiselwe : Ekuphenduleni ukuhlukumezeka, abanye abantu baqala ukuqhelelana ngokomzwelo, begwema ubudlelwano obuseduze ukuze bazivikele.
• Okunamathiselwe kwe-ambivalent : Ingxube yokukhathazeka nokugwema, lapho umuntu eshintshashintsha phakathi kwesidingo sothando kanye nokwesaba ukusondelana.

Lawa maphethini, uma eshiywe ngaphandle kokubhekwa, enza kube nzima ukwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo nobanelisayo.

I-bibliography mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa kwezingane

1. Van der Kolk, B.A. (2014). Umzimba ugcina amaphuzu: Ubuchopho, ingqondo, nomzimba ekwelapheni kokuhlukumezeka. ENew York: Viking.
2. Felitti, VJ, Anda, RF, Nordenberg, D., Williamson, DF, Spitz, AM, Edwards, V., … & Marks, JS (1998). Ubudlelwano bokuhlukunyezwa kwezingane kanye nokungasebenzi kahle kwekhaya kuningi lezimbangela zokufa kwabantu abadala: I-Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. I-American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 14(4), 245-258.
3. Perry, B.D., & Szalavitz, M. (2006). Umfana owakhuliswa eyinja: Nezinye izindaba ezivela ebhukwini likadokotela wengqondo yezingane. ENew York: Izincwadi Eziyisisekelo.
4. Herman, J. L. (2015). Ukuhlukumezeka kanye nokululama: Umphumela wodlame–kusuka ekuhlukunyezweni kwasekhaya kuye ebugebengwini bezepolitiki. ENew York: Izincwadi Eziyisisekelo.
5. Terr, L. C. (1990). Ukwesaba kakhulu ukukhala: Ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo ebuntwaneni. ENew York: Izincwadi Eziyisisekelo.

Ukuhlukumezeka Kwezingane: Isiphetho

Le ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni ishiya izibazi ezijulile ezithonya ubudlelwano bethu njengabantu abadala, ikakhulukazi kubantu abanobuthi njengabahlanekezeli be-narcissistic. Nokho, ukuqwashisa nokwelashwa kunganikeza indlela yokuphuma. Ukunqoba ukuhlangana kwe-trauma kanye nokuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni kudlula ekuzitholeni kabusha, ekwakhiweni kabusha kokuhlonipha komuntu, nokufunda izinto ezintsha zokusebenzelana.

Zonke izinyathelo eziya ekukhululekeni ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi ziyisinyathelo esiholela empilweni enempilo, eyanelisayo.