Ubuhlakani bomzwelo, umsizi obalulekile

Kumongo wobudlelwano obunobuthi, ikakhulukazi lobo obubandakanya ukuhlanekezela kwe-narcissistic, ubuhlakani bemizwa budlala indima ebalulekile. Kulabo abayizisulu zalobu budlelwano obulimazayo, ukuqonda nokuthuthukisa ukuhlakanipha kwabo ngokomzwelo kungaba ithuluzi elinamandla lokuphulukisa. Lesi sihloko sihlola ngokujulile umqondo wobuhlakani bemizwa, ukubaluleka kwawo kumongo wobudlelwano obunobuthi.

Kuyini ubuhlakani bemizwa?

Ubuhlakani bemizwa, umqondo owaduma kakhulu nguDaniel Goleman ngeminyaka yawo-1990, uchazwa njengekhono lokubona, ukuqonda nokulawula imizwa yomuntu siqu, kanye nokubona, ukuqonda kanye nokuba nomthelela emizweni yabanye. Ihlanganisa amakhono amaningana abalulekile:

1. Ukuzazi: ikhono lokukhomba nokuqonda imizwa yomuntu siqu
2. Ukuzilawula: ikhono lokuphatha kanye lawula imizwa yakho ngendlela efanele
3. Isizathu: ikhono lokusebenzisa imizwa ukufeza izinhloso
4. Ukuzwela: ikhono lokubona nokuqonda imizwa yabanye
5. Amakhono omphakathi: ikhono lokusebenzelana ngempumelelo nabanye kuyilapho ucabangela imizwa

Kumongo wobudlelwano nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic, lawa makhono aba amathuluzi abalulekile okuzulazula emanzini adungekile okukhohlisa ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo.

Ukwehliswa kokulawulwa ngokomzwelo kwe-narcissistic pervert

Ukuze uqonde ukubaluleka kobuhlakani bemizwa kulobu budlelwano obunobuthi, kubalulekile ukuthi siqale sihlaziye ukusebenza kwemizwa kwe-narcissistic pervert. Laba bantu babonisa ukungakwazi okuyisisekelo ukulawula imizwa yabo ngendlela enempilo. Lokhu kuhoxiswa kwemithetho kuzibonakalisa ngezindlela eziningi:

• Ama-oscillations amakhulu kakhulu phakathi kokuqhuma kwentukuthelo okungalawuleki kanye nezikhathi zokuthula okubandayo
• Ukungakwazi ukubhekana nokukhungatheka, okuholela ekuziphatheni okuqhumayo noma okukhohlisayo
• Ukuntula uzwela, okwenza kube nzima ukuqonda umthelela wezenzo zabo kwabanye
• Ukusebenzisa imizwa njengethuluzi lokulawula nokukhohlisa

lokhu ukungazinzi ngokomzwelo kudala indawo enobuthi nengalindelekile, lapho isisulu sizithola siqaphile ngaso sonke isikhathi, sesaba ukusabela okulandelayo komlingani waso. Ukuntuleka kokuzihlola kwe-narcissistic kanye nozwela kumvimbela ekuthuthukiseni amasu adingekayo ukuze alawule imizwa yakhe ngendlela enempilo, ngaleyo ndlela aqhubekisele phambili umjikelezo wobuthi obuhlobene.

Ukubaluleka kobuhlakani bemizwa kwabahlukumezekile

Ngokubhekene nalokhu kuguquguquka okungalingani, ukuthuthukiswa kobuhlakani bemizwa kuba ithuluzi lokusinda nenkululeko yezisulu. Nasi isizathu:

1. Ukuvikela imizwa: Ubuhlakani bomzwelo obuthuthukisiwe bukwenza kube nokwenzeka ukudala umgoqo wokuvikela ngokumelene nokukhohlisa kwe-narcissistic pervert.
2. Ukuqonda ama-toxic dynamics: Kuyasiza ukukhomba amaphethini okuziphatha angenampilo futhi awahlukanise ekusebenzelaneni okunempilo.
3. Ukuthatha ukulawula : Ngokuqonda kangcono nokulawula imizwa yabo siqu, isisulu singaphinde sikwazi ukulawula ukuphila kwaso ngokomzwelo.
4. Ukuthuthukiswa kweukuzihlonipha : Ukuzazi nokuzithiba kuqinisa ukuzethemba, okuvame ukubukela phansi kulobu budlelwano.
5. Ukwenza Izinqumo Okunolwazi : Ukuqonda kangcono imizwa yakho kukuvumela ukuba wenze izinqumo ezicatshangelwe kahle, kunokuba usabele ngokuxhamazela.

Ukuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bakho bemizwa: amasu abalulekile

Kuzisulu zokuphendukezelwa kwe-narcissistic, ukuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bemizwa kuyinqubo ethatha isikhathi nokuzijwayeza. Nawa amasu abalulekile:

1. Ukuhlonza kanye nokuqamba imizwa

• Gcina ijenali yemizwa ukuze udwebe ukushintshashintsha kwemizwa yakho
• Sebenzisa ulwazimagama olunothile oluthinta imizwa ukuze uchaze kahle imizwa yakho
• Prakthiza ukuzindla kwengqondo ukuze ubuke kangcono izimo zakho zemizwa

2. Ukuveza imizwa ngendlela efanele

• Funda ukukhulumisana nemizwa yakho ngokugomela, ngaphandle kobudlova noma ukungenzi lutho
• Sebenzisa ifomethi ethi “Ngizizwa… uma… ngoba…” ukuze uveze imizwa yakho ngokucacile
• Zijwayeze ukuveza imizwa yakho endaweni ephephile (ukwelashwa, iqembu lokusekela)

3. Ukuthuthukiswa kombono oguquguqukayo

• Zijwayeze ukubuza imicabango yakho ezenzakalelayo
• Funa ezinye izincazelo ngokuziphatha kwabanye
• Hlakulela uzwela, ngisho nasezimweni ezinzima, ngaphandle kokuthethelela ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo

4. Amasu okulawula imizwa

• Funda futhi usebenzise amasu okuphefumula okujulile njalo
• Hlola izinhlobo ezahlukene zokuzindla nokuphumula
• Ukusebenzisa ukubhala kokwelapha ukukhipha imizwa engemihle

5. Ukuqinisa ukuzazi

• Prakthiza ukuzindla nsuku zonke
• Cela impendulo eqotho kubantu obathembayo
• Hlola amanani akho omuntu siqu nezisusa ezijulile

Izinselele zokuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bemizwa esimweni esinobuthi

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bomzwelo ebudlelwaneni ne-narcissist kuveza izinselele ezihlukile:

1. ukukhanya kwegesi : I-narcissistic pervert ingase izame ukwenza isisulu singabaze imibono nemizwa yakhe.
2. Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo : Imizamo yokukhuluma ngendlela enempilo ngokomzwelo ingasetshenziswa ngokumelene nesisulu.
3. Ukuzihlukanisa : Ukuntuleka kokusekelwa komphakathi kungenza kube nzima ukuzijwayeza amakhono amasha emizwa.
4. Ukuhlukumezeka : Ubuhlungu besikhathi esidlule obungokomzwelo bungathiya inqubo yokuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bomzwelo.
5. Ukwesaba ushintsho : Ukuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bomzwelo kungasongela isimo esikhona, okungase kubangele ukwanda kokuziphatha okuhlukumezayo.

I-bibliography yobuhlakani bemizwa

Nali iqoqo lezincwadi zesiFulentshi ezikhuluma ngobuhlakani bemizwa, ezihlanganisa zombili izici zethiyori nezisebenzayo zalo mkhakha othakazelisayo:

1. Goleman, D. (1997). I-Emotional intelligence: Ungayiguqula kanjani imizwa yakho ibe ubuhlakani. EParis: URobert Laffont.
2. Mikolajczak, M., Quoidbach, J., Kotsou, I., & Nélis, D. (2009). Amakhono angokomzwelo. EParis: Dunod.
3. I-Chabot, D., & Chabot, M. (2005). I-Emotional Pedagogy: Ukuzwa ukufunda. I-Quebec: Editions du CRP.
4. Lelord, F., & André, C. (2001). Amandla emizwelo: Uthando, intukuthelo, injabulo… Paris: Odile Jacob.
5. Kotsou, I. (2016). Ubuhlakani bemizwa nokuphatha: Ukuqonda nokusebenzisa amandla emizwelo. EBrussels: De Boeck Supérieur.
6. Filliozat, I. (1997). Intelligence of the heart: Basics of emotional grammar. EParis: JC Lattes.
7. Bellinghausen, L., & Chalon-Blanc, A. (2014). Ubuhlakani bomzwelo emsebenzini. EParis: Eyrolles.

Ubuhlakani bomzwelo njengendlela eya enkululekweni

Ukuthuthukiswa kobuhlakani bomzwelo kumelela indlela enzima kodwa ebalulekile yabesifazane abayizisulu zokuphendukezelwa yi-narcissistic. Ngokuhlakulela ukuqonda nokuphatha kangcono imizwa yabo, bathola amathuluzi anamandla oku:

• Zivikele ekukhohlisweni kwemizwelo
• Qinisa ukuzethemba nokuzethemba kwabo
• Yenza izinqumo ezinolwazi mayelana nenhlalakahle yabo
• Misa imingcele enempilo ebudlelwaneni babo
• Qala inqubo yokuphulukisa nokwakha kabusha

Nakuba uhambo lungase lube lude futhi lugcwele izithiyo, ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo kunikeza ikhampasi ebalulekile yokuhamba emanzini adaka obuhlobo obunobuthi. Kuvula indlela eya ekuphileni okwanelisayo, okuphawuleka ngobuhlobo obunempilo nobulinganiselayo.

Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi le nqubo yokuthuthukisa ubuhlakani bomzwelo izuza ngokusekelwa ochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo abasebenza ngokuhlukumezeka okuhlobene nobudlelwano obunobuthi. Ukwesekwa kwabo kungabaluleka kakhulu ekunqobeni izinselele ezithile ezihlobene nalo mongo kanye nasekukhuliseni izinzuzo zale nqubo yokukhula komuntu siqu.