Indlela yokubona umqambimanga othandweni: izimpawu eziyi-10 ezibonisa

Umlayezo osusiwe, ubusuku “behhovisi” obungahambisani nalokho okushiwo osebenza naye, indaba eshintsha kusukela kolunye usuku kuya kolunye. Uzwa sengathi kukhona okungahambi kahle, kodwa awunabo ubufakazi, futhi njalo uma ubuza umbuzo, uphuma uzizwa sengathi uyasola kakhulu.

ukwazi indlela yokubona umqambimanga othandweni Akukhona ukuba nesitholi esingenaphutha. Kumayelana nokufunda ukwethemba lokho okubonayo, ukubona amaphethini aphindaphindayo, nokuhlukanisa amanga amancane, ahlukanisiwe namanga aphoqelelayo alimaza ubuhlobo. Nazi izimpawu eziyi-10 okufanele zikuxwayise, nokuthi yini ongayenza ngakho.

Okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu: khohlwa “ngolimi lomzimba”

Sifunda yonke indawo ukuthi umqambimanga ubheka eceleni, uthinta ikhala lakhe, noma ugoqa izingalo zakhe. Iqiniso liyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi izimpawu zomzimba noma zemizwa azithembekile ekutholeni amanga. Ucwaningo olwanyatheliswa ngo-2021 ku- I-Quarterly Journal ye-Therapy Psychology Isibonelo, kwaphawulwa ukuthi ikhono lokubona ukubonakaliswa okuncane kobuso alizange lithuthukise ukutholwa kwamanga, nokuthi ukuqeqeshwa ekuqapheleni imizwa akuzange kushintshe izahlulelo zabahlanganyeli.

Ngamanye amazwi, ngeke wazi iqiniso ngokuhlolisisa ubuso bakhe. Izimpawu eziwusizo kakhulu zitholakala ku- ukuvumelana kwamaqiniso futhi ku indlela umuntu asabela ngayo lapho ebuzwa.

Izimpawu eziyi-10 zomqambimanga othandweni

1. Izinguqulo ezishintshayo

Indaba efanayo ilandiswa ngendlela ehlukile kuye ngosuku noma ngomuntu. Izikhathi ziyashintsha, amagama ayashintsha, imininingwane iyavela noma iyanyamalala. Amanga kunzima ukuwagcina ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

2. Izimpendulo ezingacacile zemibuzo elula

“Ubukuphi?” kudinga impendulo elula. Umqambimanga uvame ukuphendula ngokungacacile (“lapha”, “nababantu”), ashintshe isihloko, noma aphendule ngomunye umbuzo.

3. Imininingwane eminingi kakhulu, ngesikhathi esingafanele

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye abantu bafaka indaba yabo emininingwaneni engadingekile, njengokungathi bafuna ukuyenza ikholeke kakhudlwana. Okubalulekile umehluko endleleni yabo evamile yokulandisa indaba.

4. Intukuthelo engalingani

Umbuzo obonakala ungenangozi ungabangela intukuthelo noma inzondo enkulu: “Uyangihlola?”, “Awungethembi nhlobo!”. Impendulo ivame ukuklanyelwe ukukudikibalisa ekubuzeni eminye imibuzo.

5. Ukuguqulwa kwendima

Ufika uzocela incazelo, uhamba uxolisa. Ukungabaza kwakho kuba yinkinga, hhayi ukuziphatha kwabo. Kuyindlela ejwayelekile, echazwe esihlokweni sethu. Uyangikhohlisa futhi ungenza ngizizwe nginecala..

6. Ucingo oluye lwaba yindawo evinjelwe

Ikhodi ishintshiwe, izaziso zifihliwe, ifoni ihlala ibheke phansi noma ithwalwa yonke indawo, kuhlanganise nokuya endlini yokugezela. Lolu phawu lulodwa alufakazeli lutho, kodwa luba nencazelo uma lusha futhi luhambisana nezinye izinguquko.

7. Izindawo zokuphila kwakhe ezihlala zivaliwe kuwe

Awubazi abangani bakhe, ozakwabo, ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nomndeni wakhe. Ukwethulwa kuhlala kuhlehliswa. Izingxenye zesimiso sakhe azikacaci.

8. Izithembiso ezingakaze zifezwe

Uthembisa ukushintsha, ukukwazisa emndenini wakhe, ukushiya obunye ubuhlobo, ukukhokha imali eningi. Izinsuku ziyadlula, izithembiso ziyavuselelwa. Amanga abe esethinta ikusasa.

9. Ukuphika lokho okubonile noma okuzwile

“Angikaze ngisho lokho,” “awuqondanga kahle,” “uyaqamba amanga.” Uma amanga ehambisana nokubuza umbono wakho, kubizwa ngokuthi ukukhanyiswa kwegesi, uhlobo lokukhwabanisa oluphazamisayo kakhulu.

10. Umzimba wakho uyakuxwayisa

Ifindo esiswini sakho, ukuqapha njalo, isifiso sokuhlola, sokubuka. Lokhu kusabela akuwona ubufakazi, kodwa kuvame ukukhombisa ukuthi ubuhlobo abusakunikezi ukulondeka okudingayo.

Umqambimanga ngezikhathi ezithile noma umqambimanga ophoqelelayo?

Wonke umuntu uqamba amanga kancane: ukuze agweme ingxabano, ngenxa yesizotha, ngenxa yenhlonipho. Ukuqamba amanga kuba yinkinga uma okuvamile, okuhlelekile futhi okuyingoziAbacwaningi uDrew Curtis noChristian Hart bachaza ukuqamba amanga okudala njengokuqamba amanga okuqhubekayo, okuvame ukubonakala sengathi kuyaphoqa, ngezinye izikhathi kuqala emangeni okuqala akhula, futhi aholele ebunzimeni bangempela empilweni yomuntu nalabo abamzungezile.

Le umqambimanga ophoqelelayo Ngezinye izikhathi uqamba amanga ngaphandle kwesizathu esibonakalayo, cishe ngendlela ecatshangelwe kahle. umqambimanga okhohlisayoNgakolunye uhlangothi, uqamba amanga ukuze athole okuthile: ukulawula, ukufihla ukungathembeki, ukuthola imali, nokulondoloza isithombe sakhe. Lokhu okubili kungahlanganiswa. Ukuze uhlole la maphrofayili ngemininingwane eminingi, bheka isihloko sethu ku- umqambimanga wezifo kanye neyodwa umqambimanga wezifo okhohlisayo.

Indoda engathembekile neqamba amanga, owesifazane oqamba amanga: iphethini efanayo

Ukulala othandweni akwazani nobulili. Amadoda nabesifazane bangaqamba amanga ukuze bafihle ukungathembeki, izikweletu, umlutha, noma obunye ubuhlobo. Okubalulekile akuyona isizinda somuntu, kodwa ukuphindaphinda kokuziphatha kanye nomphumela wako kuwe.

Okufanele ukwenze uma ucabanga ukuthi unomuntu oqamba amanga: izinyathelo eziyi-7

1. Bhala phansi lokho okubonayo. Izinsuku, izinguqulo ezilandelanayo, amaqiniso aqinisekisiwe. Ukubhala kukusiza ukunqoba ukungabaza nokumelana nokushiswa ngegesi.
2. Hlukanisa phakathi kokusola kanye neqiniso. Hlukanisa phakathi kwalokho okwaziyo nalokho okucabangayo. Lokhu kukwenza uqiniseke kakhulu engxoxweni.
3. Buza umbuzo ocacile, kanye kuphela. “Ungitshele ukuthi ubusendlini yomfowenu, kodwa uthe akakubonanga. Ungangichazela?” Bese ulalela.
4. Qaphela ukusabela ngaphezu kwempendulo. Incazelo elula neqinisekisiwe, noma intukuthelo, ukungacaci, ukukuphendukela?
5. Gwema ukuba ngumphenyi wesikhathi esigcwele. Ukusesha njalo, ukuqapha, nokuhlola kuyakukhathaza futhi kukuqhelelanise nawe. Ngesinye isikhathi, kwanele.
6. Nquma imingcele yakho. Yiliphi izinga lokwethembeka okungaxoxiswana ngalo ngawe? Uzokwenzenjani uma amanga ephindaphindwa?
7. Khuluma nomuntu omethembayo. Umbono wangaphandle uyakusiza ukuthi uhlale uqinile eqinisweni.

Amathiphu ethu okufanele siwazi Indlela yokubhekana nomqambimanga futhi ulindele ukusabela komqambimanga otholakele gcwalisa le ndlela.

Uhlu Lokuhlola: Ingabe ukuqamba amanga kuyalimaza ubuhlobo bakho?

• ☐ Ngithole amanga amaningana, hhayi elilodwa kuphela.
• ☐ Izincazelo ziyashintsha uma ngibuza imibuzo.
• ☐ Ngivame ukuxolisa ngokungabaza.
• ☐ Ngizizwa ngidinga ukuhlola, ukusesha.
• ☐ Angisazizwa ngiphephile ebudlelwaneni.
• ☐ Izithembiso zakhe zokushintsha azisoze zagcwaliseka.
• ☐ Angisamboni umuntu ozethembayo enganginguye ngaphambili.

Uma uhlola amabhokisi amaningana, awuyena “owesabayo”: usabela ezenzakalweni eziphindaphindwayo. Unelungelo lokufuna ubuhlobo lapho ukwethembana kungenzeka khona.

Futhi uma uhlala noma kunjalo?

Abantu abaningi bahlala nomlingani oqamba amanga benethemba “lokubasindisa” noma lokubasiza bashintshe. Lokhu kucabanga komuntu kungakubamba ebudlelwaneni lapho unikela kakhulu kodwa uthole okuncane. Isihloko sethu mayelana inkimbinkimbi yomsindisi othandweni kuzokusiza ukuthi ubone izinto ngokucacile. Ungafunda futhi umhlahlandlela wethu ku- umkhohlisi wemizwa, uma amanga ehambisana nokukhubeka ngecala.

Isilinganiso sempilo Ukuphila nokungabaza isikhathi eside kungabangela ukukhathazeka, ukuqwasha, kanye nokulahlekelwa ukuzethemba. Unganqikazi ukukhuluma nodokotela wakho noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Uma ubuhlobo buhilela izinsongo, ukulawula, noma ubudlova, shayela ucingo losizo. 3919 (mahhala, engaziwa), i 17 noma 112.

Imibuzo fréquentes

Ungabona kanjani ukuthi indoda iqamba amanga othandweni?

Esikhundleni sokuthembela olimini lomzimba olungathembekile, bheka ukuvumelana kwezindaba zakhe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukusabela kwakhe emibuzweni elula, kanye nokuhambisana phakathi kwamazwi akhe nezenzo zakhe.

Ingabe umqambimanga angashintsha?

Yebo, uma evuma inkinga futhi ezibophezela ekuzithuthukiseni kwangempela. Izithembiso eziphindaphindwayo ngaphandle koshintsho oluqondile, nokho, ziyisibonakaliso esibi.

Ingabe kufanele siseshe ifoni yakhe?

Kuyakhanga, kodwa kukubeka esimweni esikhathazayo futhi kungaholela ezinkingeni zomthetho. Kungcono ukuthembela kulokho okubonayo obala bese ubeka imingcele yakho.

Ingabe amanga angathethelelwa ebudlelwaneni?

Amanga aqashelwayo, achazwe, futhi alandelwe ushintsho lwangempela angathethelelwa. Amanga aphikwayo, aphindaphindwayo, futhi aphendukelwe kuwe ayinkinga enye: adala ubudlelwano obungalingani.

Isiphetho

Ukuqaphela umqambimanga ebudlelwaneni akusho ukuthi ungumuntu oqamba amanga; kumayelana nokubuyisa ukwethembana kulokho okubonayo nokukuzwayo. Ufanelwe ubudlelwano lapho kungadingeki uhlole konke. Uma ungathanda ukwesekwa ekushiyeni ubudlelwano obakhelwe emangeni, thola ukuqeqeshwa kwezisulu zabahlukumezi abazikhukhumezayo.

Imithombo

• UZloteanu M. nabanye, “Ukwahlulela ngobuqotho, hhayi ukunemba: Ukucabanga kabusha ngendima yokubonakaliswa kobuso, uzwela, kanye nokuqeqeshwa kokuqaphela imizwa ekutholeni inkohliso”, I-Quarterly Journal ye-Therapy Psychology2021: I-PMC8056713
• UCurtis DA noHart CL, “Ukuqamba Amanga Okubangela Izifo: Ukusekelwa Kwemfundiso Nokwengqondo Kwenhlangano Exilongayo,” Ucwaningo Lwezengqondo Nomkhuba Wezokwelapha2020: I-PMC9176035
• I-Service-Public.fr, “Udlame Lwasekhaya”: isevisi-public.gouv.fr

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.