Umyengi Ophendukezelwe – Thola izikhali zakhe zokuyenga

Ingabe ufuna ukwazi okwengeziwe mayelana nabayengi abakhohlakele, usesayithini elilungile ngoba sizochaza kabanzi mayelana nephrofayili yengqondo yomuntu okhohlisayo. Lona ngumuntu ofuna ukuthandwa yiwo wonke umuntu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uphatha wonke umuntu oseduze kwakhe. Umgomo womkhohlisi owonakele uwukubhubhisa isisulu sakhe.  

Uyini Umkhohlisi Ophendukezelwe?

Umkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe angachazwa njengomuntu ozama ukuyenga wonke umuntu ukuze akwazi ukumkhohlisa. Uzokwenza konke ukuze aphumelele ukuhlangabezana nokulindelwe yimpango yakhe kanye nalabo abasondelene nesisulu sakhe esisha. Ngokungafani ne i-narcissistic pervert, umkhohlisi okhohlakele ushiya isisulu sakhe ngokushesha ukuze athole esinye.

Umkhohlisi okhohlakele uyoba usizo kakhulu ekuqaleni futhi ashintshe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ukuze anelise izidingo zakhe eziphambene. Indoda ekhohlisayo ngeke ibonise izimpawu zokuyenga kuze kube yilapho isisulu sakhe siwela ngokuphelele ngaphansi kwesipelingi saso.

Emhlanganweni wokuqala, uzokwazisa yonke impumelelo yakhe, ukuthi unempilo yephupho, ungumdlali, njll. Kuyaphawuleka ukuthi umuntu oyengayo akanayo nhlobo imizwa, akukho okubalulekile njengokuphumelela ekunqobeni umuntu omusha. Okujabulisa umkhohlisi okhohlakele ukwazi ukuthi abanye abaphumeleli kangako kunaye. 

Udlalani umkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe?

Kunzima ukwazi ukuthi umuntu ophambi kwakho ungumkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe noma cha ngoba usebenzisa indlela ehlakaniphe kakhulu. Kulaba abakhohlisayo, ukuyenga kuyindaba ebucayi kakhulu. Ake sibone ndawonye inqubo yokuyenga umuntu ohlanekezelwe.

1. Umhlaseli wenza konke ukuze abonakale engenakuvinjelwa isisulu saso

Phakathi nalesi sigaba sokuqala, umkhohlisi wenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukuze adonse ukunaka kwawo wonke umuntu. Ukuze ahehe isisulu sakhe, uzokwenza umbono ophumelele kakhulu wokuqala futhi agqamise izingubo zakhe, impumelelo empilweni kanye namakhono akhe. Uzama ukukhombisa ukuthi unempilo engcono futhi useqala ukuxhaphaza inyamazane yakhe entsha. I-FN izokwenza abantu bakholwe ukuthi bangabantu abaphawuleka kakhulu emhlabeni kodwa lokho akulona iqiniso.

Abayengayo bazama ukulingisa abantu abambalwa ngamandla ahlukene. Kodwa, lezi akukhona neze lokho eziyikho ngempela. Zonke izimpumelelo nezimpilo abazisungulayo ezezinye izidalwa. Umkhohlisi okhohlakele ulingisa impilo yomlingiswa efilimini noma encwadini. Ngenxa yalokhu, ubonisa ubuntu obuyingqayizivele nobuthakazelisa kakhulu phambi kwesisulu sakhe. Umgomo wakhe uwukukhombisa ukuthi ungcono kakhulu kunabanye abantu okungenzeka ukuthi isisulu sasibazi ngaphambi kwakhe. Sibonile ukuthi umkhohlisi okhohlakele ungumuntu othanda ukuganga. 

2. Ukuqhubeka kokuyenga 

Umkhohlisi ufuna futhi ukufeza lokho okulindelwe isisulu sakhe ukuze sinamathele kuye ngempela. Ibhomu yothando noma thanda amabhomu kungenzeka ukuyenga inyamazane. Laba bazoba nemiyalezo yothando nezinye izimpawu zothando uma kuyilokho isisulu esikufunayo ebudlelwaneni. Umkhohlisi uzibonakalisa njengeqhawe ekutholakaleni kwesisulu ukuze asisindise, simsekele njalo empilweni futhi asule konke ukuhlupheka kwakhe empilweni yakhe yangaphambili.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lezi zimpawu ezinhle zingezesikhathi esifushane kakhulu. Umkhohlisi angaba sengozini enkulu yempango yakhe ukuze lesi sakamuva simnikeze ukusekelwa. Le ndlela ivumela ukuthi abeke icala isisulu sokuphendukela kwe-narcissistic kamuva lapho esefuna ukubushiya ubudlelwano.  

Qaphela umkhohlisi okhohlakele

• Iningi labadukisi abakhohlakele lingaphakathi kwabo isilonda se-narcissistic kusukela ebuntwaneni bakhe. Lapho ehlangana nomuntu okhohlisayo, kubalulekile ukuhlala enesizotha. Umkhohlisi usevele wazi konke ngezisulu zakhe ezintsha kusengaphambili futhi usondela kuphela kulowo olula kakhulu ukumthinta.
• Ukuze ubalekele izinhloso ezimbi zalezi zikhohlisi, kufanele uhlale ukhumbula ukuthi akekho umuntu ophelele. Kufanele futhi uqaphele abantu abathanda kakhulu zonke izinkinga zakho ngoba bangasebenzisa ukukukhohlisa. 
• Ngezinye izikhathi abantu abalandela umzwelo wabo wemvelo bayasindiswa kubayengi abakhohlakele. Ukulandela umzwelo wakho kungasiza ekuboneni ukuthi ubudlelwano nalo muntu ngeke bube yinzuzo. Abantu abaningi bajahe ukungena ebudlelwaneni ngoba bengasafuni ukuba bodwa empilweni noma befuna ukugcwalisa ukuntula kwabo uthando. Nokho, ubudlelwano obusekelwe kulezi zidingo buhlala buphela ekuhluphekeni. 

Uwazi kanjani umdlalo omkhulu womkhohlisi okhohlakele?

Nansi indlela yokubona igeyimu yomkhohlisi:

• Ebudlelwaneni, umkhohlisi udlala umdlalo wokushintsha ubuntu. Ngelinye ilanga uzobe enothando kakhulu ke ngakusasa uzobhubhisa isisulu sakhe. Umkhohlisi uzoqhubeka nokwenza lokhu kubo bonke ubuhlobo babo. Ngokwenza lokhu, isisulu siya ngokuya sincike kuye. 
• Umdlalo womdukisi uqala ngesikhathi enza isisulu sakhe sibe nephupho. Ufuna ukukhombisa laba bamuva ukuthi ubudlelwano babo bungcono nokuthi kuzoba ubudlelwano obufanele inganekwane. Usabela kuzo zonke izifiso zesisulu sakhe bese ethatha konke emuva. Kusukela ngesikhathi isisulu sakhe siqala ukuncika kuye, umkhohlisi ubonakala engenandaba. Kwesinye isikhathi liyanyamalala bese libuya ngemuva kwesikhathi ngaphandle kwencazelo. 
• Ngemva kokubuya kwakhe, umkhohlisi udala uhlobo lokukhathazeka kusisulu sakhe. Uzoqala ukuzibuza imibuzo eminingi mayelana nobudlelwano babo, ngomlingani wakhe, njll. Ngaphandle kokukwazi ukuthola izimpendulo, uzokhungatheka. Ngemuva kwalokho, isisulu sizocabanga ukuthi iphutha labo uma lowo okhohlisayo (ingabe umuntu okhohlisayo angashintsha othandweni?) uziphatha kanje. Ebona ukuhlupheka kwempango yakhe, umkhohlisi ugcwala injabulo nokwaneliseka. 

Umyengi Ophendukezelwe – Ungaphuma kanjani emdlalweni wakho?

Ngenxa yokuqaphela kwakhe, umuntu okhohlisiwe ufuna ukushiya ubuhlobo bakhe. Nazi ezinye izinyathelo ezingakusiza ukuthi ulahle umkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe. 

1. Qaphela ukuthi uyahlupheka kulobu budlelwano

Ngokushesha nje lapho i-manipulator iqala ukuba kude, uzocabanga ngokushesha ukuthi iphutha lakho. Uzizwa sengathi uyafa ngaphakathi futhi awusenawo ukunambitheka kwempilo. Ukuxhumana akusenzeki nhlobo ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ngakho-ke, uyazi ngokuhlupheka kwakho ebudlelwaneni.

2. Thola umkhohlisi okhohlakele kanye nenqubo yakhe

Ukuze uphunyuke emdlalweni we-manipulator, kufanele wazi ukuthi umlingani wakho ungomunye wabayengayo. Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho, uzoziveza njengendoda yamaphupho akho futhi uzozama ukukholisa umndeni wakho ukuthi ungumkhwenyana ongcono kakhulu. 

Ukuze asondelane nesisulu sakhe, umkhohlisi usebenzisa izindlela ezihlukene:

• Uqamba amanga.
• Yesabisa isisulu sakho.
• Uyohlukanisa inyamazane yakhe.
• Yehlisa isithunzi isisulu.
• Uzama ukuzenza wena ube yisisulu.
• I-blackmail kanye nokusongela abanye.

3. Qaphela isimo

Isisulu asisaqondi lutho ngempilo yaso ngenxa yokukhohlakala komdukisi. Ungaqala ngokuthatha usuku lokufunda konke ukuziphatha kwakhe. Ungabhala konke akushoyo, akwenzayo, ukugxeka, njll. Ngokwenza lokhu, uzoqonda ukuthi kunezinto ezithile ezingajwayelekile empilweni yakho.

4. Wazi amaphutha athintwe umkhohlisi

Udinga ukwazi ukuthi i-manipulator ithinte ini ebuntwini bakho. Isikhathi esiningi, kuqeda ukuzethemba komuntu oyisisulu sakhe. Ngokwazi lokhu, ungaqala ukuxazulula inkinga futhi uphume ekubambeni kwayo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uqala ukuzithanda futhi njengoba unjalo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kufanele uhlale ulandelwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. 

5. Nquma konke ukuxhumana nomkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe

Manje njengoba usuqedile lezi zinyathelo ezine, sekuyisikhathi sokuphuma ku-manipulator. Uma usuka kude kuyo, kulapho ukuncika kwakho kuyo kuncipha kakhulu. Kufanele unqamule zonke izinhlobo zokuxhumana nomuntu oyengayo. Ungayivimba noma yikuphi. Kufanele ugweme ukubatshela ikheli lakho elisha. Kumele wazi ukuthi umuntu oyengayo akasoze afuna ukuzelapha, ngakho hlala kude naye kunokuba umsize.  

6. Xhumana nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo 

Kudingeka kakhulu ukubonisana nodokotela wezengqondo ukuze uphume ekuxhashazweni komdukisi. Umhlaseli udlala ngobuthakathaka bomuntu ohlukunyeziwe futhi unikeza konke ekuqaleni kobudlelwane ukuze umuntu athembele kuye kakhulu. Umgomo wukuthi isisulu sakhe sizoba sezingeni eliphansi kakhulu uma sifuna ukuqeda ubudlelwano babo. Ngakho, ukuze bakhe kabusha ukuphila kwabo, isisulu sidinga usizo olungokwengqondo. 

Izikhombo ze-Bibliographic

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa endikimbeni “yomkhohlisi ohlanekezelwe”:

1. Roudinesco, É. (2007). Uhlangothi Olumnyama Lwethu: Umlando Wabaphendukezeli. EParis: Albin Michel.
2. U-Anatrella, T. (2005). Umehluko Onqatshelwe: Ubulili, imfundo, udlame. EParis: Flammarion.
3. UCifali, M. (1994). I-Narcissistic Pervert kanye nomlingani wakhe. EParis: Dunod.
4. Hirigoyen, M.-F. (1998). Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokokuziphatha: Ubudlova obuhlanekezelwe nsuku zonke. Paris: Syros.
5. Tisseron, S. (2000). Amahloni: I-Psychoanalysis ye-social bond. EParis: Dunod.
6. Racamier, P.-C. (1992). Ama-Narcissistic Perverts. I-Paris: I-Payot.
7. Roudinesco, É. (2024). “UDominique Pelicot nabamangalelwa naye abawona amadoda ajwayelekile.” Okwezwe.

Lezi zikhombo zinikeza umbono ohlukahlukene ngomqondo wokuyenga okuhlanekezelwe, okuhlanganisa izindlela zokwelapha zengqondo, zezenhlalo nezomlando.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, umkhohlisi okhohlakele ungumkhohlisi owesabekayo, okwazi ukufihla isimo sakhe sangempela ngemuva kwe-facade ehehayo nenakekelayo. Ukuqonda izindlela zayo zokuyikhohlisa kanye nokwazi ukuthi ungakubona kanjani ukuziphatha kwayo kubalulekile ukuze uzivikele kukho. Uma ubhekene nomuntu onjalo, zikhona izixazululo, okuhlanganisa ukuqwashisa, ukunqamula ukuthintana nokusekelwa ngokomqondo, ukuze uphinde uthole ibhalansi yakho futhi wakhe kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho.

Ukuze uxhumane: Ukuqamba amanga okuphendukezela i-Narcissistic