Izipho ezinobuthi ze-ex yakho enobuthi: ungabhekana kanjani nazo?

Uphume ku- ubuhlobo obunobuthi Unomhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo, kodwa isithunzi sakhe sisakumboza impilo yakho. Elinye isu abangalisebenzisa ukuzama ukulawula ukuthumela izipho ezingalindelekile. Izipho ezivela kowakwakho owayenobuthi zingaba ngezindlela eziningi, kusukela ezintweni ezibonakalayo kuya komusa noma izithembiso. Nansi indlela yokuqaphela nokubhekana nale mizamo yokukhwabanisa ngemva kokuhlukana.

Kungani ama-narcissistic perverts eqhubeka nokuphana izipho ngemva kokwehlukana?

Le ukuziphatha okukhohlisayo ye-narcissistic pervert ngemva kokuhlukana kungase kubonakale kudida. Nakuba ubuhlobo buphelile, uphikelela ekufuneni ukugcina uxhumano ngezipho noma ukunakwa. Izizathu ezimbalwa zingachaza lokhu kuziphatha:

• Gcina ukulawula: Ngokukuthumelela izipho, ufuna ukuhlala ekhona empilweni yakho futhi asebenzise uhlobo lokulawula imizwa phezu kwakho.
• Yondla i-ego yakhe: Ukwamukela ukusabela okuvela kuwe, noma ngabe kukuhle noma kubi, kudlisa isidingo sakhe esiqhubekayo sokunakwa nokuqinisekiswa.
• Dala umuzwa wokuba nesikweletu: Izipho zingasetshenziswa njengendlela yokukhohlisa ukuze uzizwe umkweleta.
• Hlola imingcele yakho: Lena indlela yokubona ukuthi usakwamukela yini ukunxusa kwakhe, naphezu kokuhlukana.
• Sula unembeza wakhe: Ngokwenza ngendlela ebonakala sengathi uyaphana, angaziqinisekisa ukuthi akayena umuntu omubi, naphezu kwezenzo zakhe zangaphambili.

Izinhlobo ezahlukene “zezipho” ezisetshenziswa abahlanekezeli be-narcissistic

Izipho ezivela kowayekade ewubuthi azikhawulelwe ezintweni ezibonakalayo. Zingathatha izinhlobo ezahlukahlukene, zonke eziklanyelwe ukukufinyelela ngokomzwelo:

• Izipho zezinto ezibonakalayo: Ubucwebe, izingubo zokugqoka, izinto ezihlobene nezinkanuko zakho noma izinkumbulo ezabiwe.
• Izintandokazi noma amasevisi: Iminikelo yosizo ngemisebenzi yansuku zonke, ukulungisa, ukusekelwa kwezezimali.
• Ukunaka ngokweqile: Imilayezo, izingcingo ezivamile, okuthandwayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana.
• Izithembiso zoshintsho: Izibopho zokulandela ukwelashwa, ukuyeka ukuziphatha okuthile okunobuthi.
• Ulwazi noma “isambulo”: Ukwabelana ngezimfihlo noma ulwazi oluhloselwe ukufakazela ukukwethemba.

Singazibona kanjani izinhloso ezifihlekile ngalezi zipho?

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi lezi zenzo ezibonakala zinomusa azivamisile ukuzidela. Nazi ezinye izimpawu ezingakusiza ukuthi uthole izinhloso zangempela ngalezi zipho:

• Isikhathi Esisolisayo: Izipho zivame ukufika ngezikhathi lapho usuqala ukulawula impilo yakho.
• Ukungafani: Isipho asifani nezinto ozithandayo noma isimo sakho samanje, okubonisa ukuthi akakwazi ngempela.
• Imibandela enamathiselwe: Isipho siza nokungaguquki okulindelwe noma okusobala kwembuyiselo.
• Ukukhubeka ngecala: Usebenzisa isipho ngenxa yakho ukwenza umuntu azizwe enecala ngokuhlukana noma “ukungabongi” kwakho.
• Ukwephulwa Kwemingcele: Isipho asiyinaki imingcele oyibeke ngokucacile.
• Izikhumbuzi zesikhathi esedlule: Izipho zivame ukubhekisela emlandweni wakho owabiwe, ngomzamo wokuvuselela imizwa.

Umthelela womzwelo wezipho ezivela kowayekade ewubuthi

Ukuthola izipho ezivela kowayekade ewubuthi kungabangela isivunguvungu semizwa engqubuzanayo:

• Ukudideka : Uyazibuza ukuthi ngabe useshintshile ngempela yini noma sekuyindlela entsha lena.
• Icala: Uzizwa kabi ngokwenqaba “umusa” wakhe.
• I-Nostalgia: Izipho zingabuyisa izinkumbulo ezinhle zobudlelwano.
• Intukuthelo: Uzizwa ukhungathekile ngale ndlela yokuzama ukukhohlisa.
• Ukukhathazeka: Ukwesaba ukubuyela emuva emjikelezweni wobudlelwane obunobuthi kungakhula.
• Ukuzingabaza: Uyasingabaza isinqumo sakho sokuqeda ubudlelwano.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela le mizwa njengejwayelekile, kuyilapho uhlezi unomqondo ocacile mayelana nemvelo enobuthi yobudlelwano obudlule.

Amasu Wokubhekana Nezipho Ezingafuneki ezivela Ku-Ex Enobuthi

Lapho ubhekene nale mizamo yokukhohlisa, kubalulekile ukusebenzisa indlela eqinile necacile:

1. Gcina imingcele yakho: Khumbula ukuthi kungani uqede ubudlelwano futhi uhlale uthembekile esinqumweni sakho.
2. Ungaphenduli: Ukuthula kuvame ukuba yimpendulo engcono kakhulu. Unganikezi owakwakho ukwaneliseka ngenxa yokusabela.
3. Buyisa izipho: Uma kungenzeka, buyisela izipho ngaphandle kokuphawula noma ucele umuntu wesithathu ukuthi akwenzele kanjalo.
4. Vimbela abathintwayo: Khawulela ngangokunokwenzeka izindlela angafinyelela ngazo kuwe.
5. Funa ukwesekwa: Khuluma nobathandayo noma umelaphi ukuze uhlale uqinile esinqumweni sakho.
6. Zijwayeze ukuzizwela: Ungazibeki icala ngemizwa lezi zipho ezivusa kuwe.
7. Gxila ekwelapheni kwakho: Sebenzisa la mandla ukuze ugxile enhlalakahleni yakho nasekukhuleni komuntu siqu.

Ungazikhulula kanjani unomphela ethonyeni elingokomzwelo lezipho ezinobuthi

Ukuzikhulula emthelela womzwelo wezipho ezivela kumuntu omubi we-narcissistic ex kuyinqubo ethatha isikhathi nesineke:

• Sebenzela ukuzethemba kwakho: Khumbula ukuthi ukubaluleka kwakho akuxhomekile “eziphiweni” noma ukunaka komuntu onobuthi.
• Prakthiza ukuqaphela: Funda ukubuka imizwa yakho ngaphandle kokunamathela kuyo, ukuyilawula kangcono.
• Phinda ubhale ukulandisa kwakho: Esikhundleni sokubheka lezi zipho njengezimpawu zothando, zibone njengemizamo yokukhohlisa.
• Dala amasiko amasha: Faka esikhundleni sezinkumbulo eziboshelwe ezipho ezinobuthi ngamasiko amasha, aqondile.
• Tshala ebudlelwaneni obunempilo: Zizungeze nabantu abakuhloniphayo nabakwazisayo ngokungenamibandela.
• Hlola ukwelapha: Uchwepheshe angakusiza ukuthi uvule izibopho zemizwa eziyinkimbinkimbi ezixhumene ne-ex yakho enobuthi.

Guqula lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho ube yithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu

Nakuba kunzima lokhu okwenziwayo, kungaba yithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu okubalulekile:

• Qinisa imingcele yakho: Funda ukumisa nokugcina imingcele enempilo kubo bonke ubudlelwano bakho.
• Thuthukisa umbono wakho: Themba umuzwa wakho wemvelo ukuze ubone izimpawu zokukhohlisa esikhathini esizayo.
• Hlakulela ukuzimela ngokomzwelo: Funda ukuthola ukuqinisekiswa nenjabulo kuwena, kunokuba ezenzweni zabanye.
• Zijwayeze ukudedela: Yamukela ukuthi awukwazi ukulawula izenzo zomuntu wangaphambili, impendulo yakho kuphela.
• Chaza kabusha ubudlelwano bakho nezipho: Funda ukwazisa ukuthinta okuqotho ebudlelwaneni bakho obunempilo bamanje.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, izipho eziphuma kulowo owayephendukezelwe yi-narcissistic azivamile ukuba izimpawu zeqiniso zothando. Bayingxenye ye-arsenal ye ukuxhaphaza okuhloswe ngayo ukugcina ukulawula phezu kwakho. Ngokuqaphela lawa maqhinga futhi uthuthukise amasu okubhekana nawo, awukwazi ukuzivikela nje kuphela, kodwa futhi uguqule lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kube yithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu kanye nokuhlomisa. Khumbula ukuthi inhlalakahle yakho nokuthula kwangaphakathi kuyizipho eziyigugu kakhulu ongazinika wena.