I-Perfectionism in the narcissistic pervert: Ukuhlaziywa okujulile

Emkhakheni oyinkimbinkimbi wobudlelwane obunobuthi, umqondo “we-pervertedalityist” uvela njengesici esibalulekile kwabesifazane abayizisulu zama-narcissistic perverts ukuze bawuqonde. Lesi simo, lapho ukuphelela kuba yithuluzi lokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo, kufanele kuqashelwe ngokukhethekile. Lesi sihloko sihlose ukuhlola ngokujulile izindlela zokubheka ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe, umsuka wako, ukubonakaliswa kwawo kanye nomthelela wako kuzisulu.

Kuyini ukuthanda ukuphelela okuphambene?

Ukufuna ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe kuhluke ngokusobala ekupheleleni okunempilo okungabonwa kubantu abaningi. Kuyindlela ephambukile yokufuna ukupheleliswa, esetshenziswa hhayi njengendlela yokuzithuthukisa, kodwa njengethuluzi lokubusa nokulawula abanye.

Kumongo wobudlelwano nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic, ukuthanda ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe kubonakala ngokuthi:

• Ukukhathazeka okungenampilo ngokuphelela, okusetshenziswa ngokuyinhloko kwabanye
• Ukusetshenziswa kwezindinganiso ezingezona ezangempela njengendlela yokucindezela kwengqondo
• Ukuthambekela kokuhlala ugxeka ngenhloso yokudicilela phansi kanye nokululaza
• Isidingo esiyimpoqo sokugcina i-facade yokuphakama okuphelele

Ngokungafani nokufuna ukuphelela okwakhayo okungashukumisela umuntu ukuba athuthuke futhi afinyelele imigomo yakhe, ukulindela ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe kuyalimaza. Ayihlosile ukwenza kahle, kodwa kunalokho ukuzithoba kanye nokushabalalisa ngokwengqondo kokunye.

Umsuka wokufuna ukuphelela ku-narcissistic pervert

Ukuze uqonde ukuphelela okuphambene, kubalulekile ukuhlola izimpande zako ezingokwengqondo. Kunezici ezimbalwa ezinomthelela ekuveleni kwalesi sici ku-narcissistic pervert:

Ukuzethemba okuntekenteke

Ngokuxakayo, i-narcissistic pervert, naphezu kokubukeka kwakhe kokuzethemba ngokweqile, uhlushwa yi-a ukuzihlonipha buthaka kakhulu. Lokhu kubuthakathaka kuvame ukuba umphumela wokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kwasebuntwaneni noma isimo somndeni esingasebenzi kahle. Ukufuna ukuphelela kube sekuba yinto indlela yokuzivikela, indlela yokulungisa lo muzwa wokungafaneleki omkhathazayo.

Ngokufuna ukuphelela kwabanye, umphendukezeli we-narcissistic uzama ukuveza isithombe sokuphakama nokungabi naphutha. Lokhu kuqagela kumvumela ukuthi afihle ukungazethembi kwakhe futhi agcine ukukhohlisa kobukhulu bakhe.

Isidingo sokulawula ngokweqile

Ukulawula kusenhliziyweni yomuntu omubi we-narcissistic. Lesi sidingo sokulawula singaba nomsuka waso ezenzweni zangaphambili zokungabi nasizo noma isiphithiphithi. I-Perfectionism inikeza umphendukezeli we-narcissistic indlela yokusebenzisa lokhu kulawula endaweni yakhe kanye nabantu abaseduze kwakhe.

Ngokubeka izindinganiso ezingenakufinyelelwa, umuntu othanda ukuphelela ophambene wenza indawo lapho engathola khona amaphutha njalo kwabanye. Lokhu kumvumela ukuthi agcine isikhundla samandla nokuphakama, ngaleyo ndlela aqinise umuzwa wakhe wokulawula.

Ukulindela ngokweqile kwabazali

Ngokuvamile, i-narcissistic pervert yakhulela endaweni yomndeni lapho ukuphelela kwakungakhuthazwa nje kuphela, kodwa kwakufunwa. Abazali abangafuni ukuphelela noma abazigxeka ngokweqile kungenzeka baye bagxilisa lokhu kuthanda ukuphelela kusukela besebancane.

Lokhu okulindelekile okudlulele kwabazali kudala i-schema yengqondo lapho kuphela ukuphelela okwamukelekayo. Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic, engakwazi ukufeza lezi zindinganiso ezingezona ezangempela ngokwakhe, uphrojusa lokhu okulindelekile kwabanye njengabantu abadala, ngaleyo ndlela eqhubekisela phambili umjikelezo wokufuna ukuphelela okunobuthi.

Ingabe kubonakala kanjani ukungapheleli kwe-narcissistic pervert?

Ukufuna ukuphelela okuphambene kuzibonakalisa ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene ekuziphatheni kwansuku zonke kwe-narcissist. Lezi zibonakaliso zivame ubuqili ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, kodwa ziba sobala kakhulu futhi zicindezele ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Izimfuno ezingenangqondo kwabanye

I-narcissistic pervert ibeka izindinganiso ezingenakwenzeka kulabo abaseduze naye, ikakhulukazi kumlingani wakhe. Lezi zidingo zingathinta zonke izici zokuphila: ukubukeka komzimba, ukusebenza kahle, imisebenzi yasendlini, noma ngisho nobudlelwane bomphakathi.

Isibonelo, angase afune ukuthi umlingani wakhe ahlale ebukeka emuhle, ngisho nasekhaya, noma ukuthi aphumelele emsebenzini wakhe kuyilapho enakekela kahle ikhaya. Lokhu okulindelekile okungenangqondo kudala ingcindezi eqhubekayo nengabekezeleleki kulowo ohlukunyeziwe.

Ukugxekwa njalo nokwehliswa kwamanani

Kumuntu othanda ukuphelela, akukho okuhlale kuhle ngokwanele. Uhlale ethola iphutha, ngisho nangemininingwane emincane. Lokhu kugxeka okungapheli kungahlotshaniswa nezici ezingabalulekile njengokuthi ugoqa kanjani ilondolo noma ulahle izitsha.

Inhloso yalokhu kwehlisa amanani unomphela ikabili: ukugcina isisulu sisesimweni sokungavikeleki nokungabaza okuqhubekayo, kanye nokuqinisa umuzwa wokuziphakamisa we-narcissistic pervert. Ngokuhlala ekhomba “amaphutha” omunye, ugomela isikhundla sakhe njengomahluleli owazi konke nongenaphutha.

Okujwayelekile

Isici esiphawulekayo sokungapheleli okuhlanekezelwe yizinga eliphindwe kabili elisetshenziswa i-narcissist. Nakuba efuna ukuphelela ngokuphelele kwabanye, uzivumela ilungelo lokwenza amaphutha futhi ukwenqaba ngokuphelele noma yikuphi ukugxekwa kwakhe.

Lo mehluko osobala phakathi kwalokho akufunayo kwabanye nalokho azivumelayo kuwuphawu lokufuna ukuphelela okuphambene. Ibonisa ukuntula ngokuphelele uzwela nomuzwa wokuphakama otholakala kubuntu be-narcissistic.

I-Facade ye-perfectionism

I-narcissist ifuna ukuveza isithombe esiphelele ngaye nempilo yakhe, ngokuvamile ephikisana ngokusobala neqiniso. Lo mbono wokuphelela ungase ubonakale endleleni ethula ngayo ubuhlobo bakhe, umsebenzi wakhe, noma lokho akufezile kubantu bangaphandle.

Lesi sidingo sokubonakala siphelele emehlweni abanye singaholela ekucasheni noma ekuziphatheni okuqamba amanga. Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic angafinyelela ekusebenzisaneni nomlingani wakhe ukuze abambe iqhaza ekugcineni le nkohliso yokuphelela, okulimaza ubuqotho bakhe kanye nenhlalakahle yakhe.

I-Perfectionism njengesikhali sokukhohlisa

I-narcissistic pervert isebenzisa ukuthanda kwayo okuphelele njengethuluzi eliyinkimbinkimbi lokukhohlisa kwengqondo. Lokhu kusetshenziswa okuphambene kokufuna ukuphelela kuyingxenye yesu eliphelele lokulawula nokubusa.

I-Perfectionist Gaslighting

Le ukukhanyisa igesiLe ndlela yokuphatha, ehlose ukwenza isisulu singabaze umbono waso ngeqiniso, ithatha isimo esithile esimweni sokuphelela okuphambene. Umuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile uhlala ebuza imibono nezinkumbulo zesisulu sakhe mayelana nokusebenza noma izenzo zakhe.

Ngokwesibonelo, angase aphike ukubeka lokho ayekulindele noma athi isisulu asiyiqedanga imisebenzi aqiniseka ukuthi siyiqedile. Lolu hlobo lokukhanyisa igesi okungenasici luhlose ukugcina isisulu sisesimweni sokungabaza nokungavikeleki njalo.

Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo

Umuntu ofuna ukuphelela ohlanekezelwe wenza uthando nokwamukelwa kwakhe kuncike emandleni esisulu sakhe sokuhlangabezana nezindinganiso zakhe ezingenakwenzeka. Lokhu ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kudala isibopho esinobuthi lapho isisulu sifisa ukuthola imvume yomhlukumezi wakhe.

Lokhu okuguquguqukayo kuqinisa ukuncika komzwelo kumuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic, kubenze babe sengcupheni yezinye izinhlobo zokukhohlisa nokuhlukumeza.

Unxantathu

I-narcissist ivame ukuqhathanisa isisulu sakhe nabanye abantu “abaphelele”, bangempela noma abacatshangelwayo, ukuze bamdilize. Le nqubo kanxantathu ihlose ukudala umuzwa wokuncintisana nokungafaneleki kumuntu ohlukunyeziwe.

Ngokuhlala ethula izibonelo zabantu okuthiwa “abaphelele”, umgulukudu we-narcissistic ugcina isisulu sakhe sisesimweni sokungazethembi unomphela, ngaso sonke isikhathi sifuna ukuqinisekiswa angeke asithole.

Isixhumanisi phakathi kwe-perfectionism kanye ne-narcissism

I-Perfectionism ihlotshaniswa ne-pathological narcissism. Lokhu kuxhumana kuchazwa yizici ezimbalwa zobuntu be-narcissistic:

Grandiosity kanye nokuphelela

Umuzwa wobuhle be-narcissist ubhebhethekisa isidingo sakhe sokuphelela futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Ukukholelwa ekuphakameni kwakhe siqu kududula i-narcissist ukuthi ifune ukuphelela kulabo abaseduze naye, ngoba akukho okungaphansi okungamfanelekela.

Lobu bukhulu bubuye bubonakale ekukholelweni kuka-narcissist ukuthi nguye yedwa okwazi ukwahlulela ukuthi yikuphi okuphelele noma cha. Lesi sikhundla sejaji eliphakeme siqinisa umuzwa wakhe wokuba mkhulu nokulawula.

Ukungabi nozwelo

Ukuthatheka komuntu ongafuni ukuphelela ngezindinganiso zakhe siqu kumvimbela ukuba acabangele imizwa nezidingo zabanye. Lokhu kuntuleka kozwela kuwuphawu lwe-pathological narcissism.

Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic akakwazi ukuqonda noma ukukhathalela umthelela wemizwa izimfuno zakhe zokufuna ukuphelela ezinawo kwabanye. Kuye, ukugcwaliseka kwalokho akulindele kuphela okubalulekile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izindleko zingakanani kulabo abamzungezile.

Ukwesaba ukwehluleka

Ngemva kwesifihla-buso sokuphelela ngokuvamile kulele ukwesaba okukhulu kokwehluleka nokwahlulela. Lokhu kwesaba kusenhliziyweni ye-narcissism futhi kubhebhezela isidingo sokugcina i-facade yokuphelela ngazo zonke izindleko.

I-Perfectionism ibe yindlela yokuzivikela kulokhu kwesaba ukwehluleka. Ngokuveza amathemba angenakwenzeka kwabanye, i-narcissist iyazivikela ekungazethembini kwayo futhi igwema ukubhekana nokungapheleli kwayo.

Umehluko phakathi kokuthanda ukuphelela okunempilo nokuhlanekezelwe

Kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa ukulindela ukuphelela okunempilo nokuphelele, ngoba kokubili kungase kubonakale kufana ngaphandle kodwa kunezisusa nemiphumela ehluke kakhulu.

Ukugqugquzela kwangaphakathi uma kuqhathaniswa nangaphandle

Ukufuna ukuphelela okunempilo kuqhutshwa isifiso somuntu siqu sokuthuthuka nokwenza kahle. Kuphusha umuntu ukuthi azidlule yena futhi afeze izinhloso zakhe. Ngokuphambene, ukuthanda ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe kuqhutshwa isidingo sokulawula nokubusa abanye. Ubheka ngaphandle, ubeka izindinganiso kwabanye kunokugxila ekuzithuthukiseni.

Ukuvumelana nezimo vs ukuqina

Umuntu othanda ukuphelela enempilo uyakwazi ukulungisa lokho abakulindele ngokusekelwe ezimweni. Uyaqonda ukuthi ukuphelela okuphelele akunakwenzeka futhi angakwamukela ukungapheleli njengengxenye yenqubo yokufunda neyokukhula. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umuntu ongaguquki, akaguquki ezimfuno zakhe. Akakubekezeleli noma yikuphi ukuchezuka ezindinganisweni zakhe ezingenangqondo futhi uyenqaba ukuvumelanisa lokho akulindele namaqiniso aleso simo.

I-Benevolence vs. malevolence

Ukufuna ukuphelela okunempilo akufuni ukulimaza. Ushukunyiswa isifiso esiqotho sokwenza kahle nempumelelo, kokubili yena nakwabanye. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukufuna ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe kuyingozi ngokwemvelo. Inhloso yawo ukuthunaza, ukubusa kanye nokululaza abanye, kusetshenziswa ukufuna ukuphelela njengethuluzi lokucindezelwa kwengqondo.

Isiphetho: Ziqaphele futhi uzivikele ekufuneni ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe

Ukuqonda izindlela zokufuna ukuphelela ekuphendukeleni kwe-narcissistic kuyisinyathelo esibalulekile sabesifazane abayizisulu zalokhu. ukuziphatha okunobuthi. Ngokubona izimpawu zokulindela ukuphelela okuhlanekezelwe, bangaqala ukuqaqa iwebhu eyinkimbinkimbi yokukhohlisa nokuhlukunyezwa ababanjwe kukho.