Ukuzikhohlisa nokuhlukumezeka: ukuqonda izimbangela nemiphumela

Le ubumina bamanga, noma “umuntu wamanga,” umqondo ovame ukuhlotshaniswa nokuhlangenwe nakho kokuhlukumezeka okujulile. Lokhu kunqamula phakathi “komuntu wamanga” kanye “nomuntu wangempela” kungaba nomthelela enhlalakahleni yabo yemizwa, ikhono labo lokwakha ubudlelwano bangempela, kanye nomuzwa wabo wobumina. Kulesi sihloko, sizohlaziya ubudlelwano phakathi komuntu ongamanga nokuhlukumezekaizimbangela zayo, imiphumela yayo, kanye nokuxhumana kwayo ne- ukuhlukunyezwa kwe-narcissistic kanye nemizwa.

Uyini ubumina bamanga noma ubumina?

Le ubumina bamanga iwuhlelo lokubhekana nesimo abanye abantu abalithuthukisayo ngokuphendula izimo ezinobutha noma ezihlukumezayo, ngokuvamile eziqala ebuntwaneni. Leli gama, eladuma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Donald Winnicott, lichaza i-facade eyisivikelo esetshenziswa umuntu ukuze afihle ubuyena bangempela. Ngamanye amazwi, ubumina buwuhlobo lwesifihla-buso esingokomzwelo esisithathayo ukuze sivumelane nalokho okulindelwe abanye, ikakhulukazi lapho sizizwa singakwazi ukukhombisa ubuwena bangempela ngenxa yokwesaba ukwenqatshwa, ukulinyazwa noma ukujeziswa.

Ngokungafani “nomuntu weqiniso,” okuwukubonakaliswa okuyiqiniso kobuntu, imizwelo, nezifiso, umuntu wamanga ulolongwa izingcindezi zangaphandle. Izibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okuvumelana nalokho okulindelekile kwabanye, izinkambiso zomphakathi noma izimfuno zobudlelwano obulawula ngokuhlukumeza. Abantu abaye bahlakulela ubumina bamanga bangase bazizwe benqanyuliwe ezidingweni zabo nasezifisweni zabo, ngezinye izikhathi baze bangabe besazi ukuthi bangobani ngempela.

Izimbangela zokuthuthukiswa komuntu wamanga

Ukwakhiwa komuntu wamanga ngokuvamile kuyimpendulo yokuhlukunyezwa kwengane. Izimbangela eziningana zingachaza ukukhula kwayo, okuhlanganisa:

1. Izimo zomndeni ezihlukumezayo noma ezinganaki : Izingane ezikhulela emindenini lapho izidingo zazo ezingokomzwelo zinganakwa, noma okubi nakakhulu, lapho ziyizisulu zokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo, zingase zibe nobumina ukuze zizivikele. Bafunda ukujwayela ukuziphatha kwabo ukuze bagweme ukungqubuzana noma ukuthola imvume encane.
2. Ubudlelwano nezibalo zeziphathimandla ze-narcissistic : Umuntu ongamanga angakheka nasezimeni lapho ingane ikhuliswa umzali obhuqabhuqayo noma olawulayo. Kulolu hlobo lobudlelwano, ingane ayiziswa ngokuthi ingubani, kodwa ngendlela ehlangabezana ngayo nezidingo zomunye. Lokhu kumcindezela ukuba avumelane nesimo esihle noma isithombe esibekwe umzali.
3. Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo noma ukukhohlisa : Ubudlelwano obunobuthi noma obuhlukumezayo, kungaba bomndeni, bezothando noma bezenhlalo, nabo bayizizathu zokuvela komuntu ongamanga. Ngaphansi kwethonya lokukhohlisa noma udlame olungokomzwelo, izisulu zigcina zithuthukisa ukuziphatha okuzama ukushweleza umhlukumezi wazo kuyilapho ziphika ukuhlupheka kwazo.

Ukuzikhohlisa nokuhlukumezeka: isixhumanisi

Isixhumanisi phakathi ubumina nokuhlukumezeka igxile ekujuleni kwengqondo yabantu abake babhekana nezimo ezibuhlungu. Uma umuntu echayeka ekuhlukunyezweni, ikakhulukazi esimeni sobudlelwano (somzali noma esothando), ufunda kusenesikhathi ukucindezela imizwa yakhe yangempela kanye nokuthobela izimfuno zomhlaseli.

Le ndlela yokuzivikela ingase ibangele ukuhlukana phakathi kwemizwelo yangempela kanye nesithombe umuntu asivezayo emhlabeni wangaphandle. Isibonelo, umuntu ohlukunyezwa yi-narcissistic angase abonakale esebenza ngokuphelele futhi elungiselwe umphakathi, kodwa ngaphakathi egcwele ukukhathazeka, ukwesaba, nomuzwa wecala. Ngakho-ke umuntu wamanga uba uhlobo lwesivikelo ezinhlungwini ezingokomzwelo nokwaliwa.

Imiphumela yomuntu ongamanga ezimpilweni zabantu

Ukuthuthukiswa komuntu wamanga kunemiphumela ejulile endleleni umuntu azwa ngayo ubudlelwano bakhe kanye nobudlelwano bakhe nabo. Phakathi kwe imiphumela evame kakhulu kumuntu wamanga, sithola:

• Ukulahlekelwa ubumina : Abantu abaphila nomuntu ongamanga bangase bazizwe behlukanisiwe ngokuphelele nobuyena bangempela. Lokhu kungezwani kwangaphakathi kungaholela ekudidekeni kobunikazi, umuzwa wokungabi nalutho ngokomzwelo futhi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukungakwazi ukuzazi ngempela.
• Izinkinga zobudlelwano : Abantu asebethathe ubumina bamanga bavame ukuthwala kanzima ukwakha ubudlelwano obuyiqiniso, obujulile. Bangase bazizwe sengathi bahlala bedlala indima ethile, okwenza kube nzima ukwakha ukuxhumana okuqotho nokwanelisanayo.
• Ukuphazamiseka kwemizwa nokukhathazeka : Ukuphila esimweni sokungaboni ngaso linye phakathi komuntu wamanga nomuntu wangempela kungabangela ukucindezeleka okukhulu ngokomzwelo. Abantu bangahlushwa ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, noma ngisho nokuphazamiseka kwe-dissociative ngenxa yalokhu kucindezela okuqhubekayo kobuntu babo bangempela.
• Ukuncika ngokomzwelo : Ngokuvamile, abantu abahlakulela ubumina bamanga bancika kwabanye ukuze bachaze ukubaluleka kwabo. Bahlala befuna imvume yangaphandle ngoba abazizwa bephephile ngokwanele ukuze baqinisekise imizwelo nezifiso zabo.

Ukuzihlukumeza okungamanga kanye ne-narcissistic: ubudlelwano obunobuthi

Enye yezindlela ezivame kakhulu zokuzikhohlisa zivezwa kuyo ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo nabantu abane-narcissistic. Ama-Narcissists avame ukukhohlisa ngokomzwelo abaphoqelela izisulu zabo ukuba ziziphathe ngokuvumelana nalokho ezikulindele. Le nqubo yokubusa icindezela izisulu ukuthi ziziphike ukuze kuhlangatshezwane nezidingo zomuntu siqu zomunye.

Kulolu hlobo lobudlelwano, umuntu ongamanga uyindlela yokuthi isisulu asinde endaweni enobuthi. Kodwa-ke, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuguqulwa kungaba yisicupho. Umuntu ohlukunyezwayo ugcina engabaza indlela abona ngayo izinto, evame ukuzibuza ukuthi akuzona yini imbangela yenkinga. Lokhu kungabaza okuhlala njalo kuqinisa umuzwa wecala, okuyingxenye eyinhloko yesixhumanisi phakathi komuntu wamanga kanye nokuhlukumezeka.

Isiphetho

Le ubumina bamanga kuyindlela yokuzivikela eyinkimbinkimbi, evame ukuvela ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo noma ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Nakuba ekuqaleni kusiza ukuvikela umuntu ebuhlungwini nasekuhluphekeni, kungaholela ekuhlukaneni okujulile nawe kanye nobunzima bobudlelwano besikhathi eside. Ukuphulukisa lesi siqu samanga kudinga ukuqashelwa kokuhlupheka kanye nomsebenzi ojulile ukuze kuvuselelwe ukuxhumana nomuntu weqiniso.

Ukuqonda lesi simo nokuxhumana kwayo ne ukuhlukumezeka kubalulekile kulabo abafuna ukwakha kabusha ngemva kweminyaka yokujwayela izindawo ezinobuthi. Kwabaningi, le nqubo yokuphulukisa ayidingi nje kuphela ukuxhumana nobunikazi babo bangempela, kodwa futhi nokususa izindlela zokuhlukumeza ezikhuthaze ukubonakala kwalo muntu ongamanga.