Ungakunqoba kanjani ukuzethemba okuphansi ngemva kobudlelwane obunobuthi?

Ngemva kobudlelwane nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic, kuvamile ukuthi umuntu ahlakulele ukuzethemba okuphansi. Lesi sihloko sizokuqondisa ukuthi uqonde izindlela ezidlalwayo futhi sikunikeze okhiye bokuzakha kabusha.

Ubudlelwano obunobuthi buqeda kanjani ukuzethemba?

Ubuhlobo nomuntu onama-narcissist bungaqeda ngisho nokuzethemba okunamandla kakhulu. Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, cishe wawuzizwa uqiniseka futhi wanelisekile. Lokhu ngokuvamile yikho okuheha i-narcissist, ekufuneni “impango” eyigugu.

Kodwa kancane kancane, izindlela ezinobuthi ziyabamba:

• Ukwehla kwenani njalo
• Ukuthotshiswa
• Ukuxhaphaza imizwelo
• ukukhanya kwegesi (ukwenza umuntu angabaze umbono wakhe ngeqiniso)
• Ukushintshana phakathi kwe-idealization kanye nokwaliwa

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uqala ukufaka ngaphakathi le miyalezo engemihle. Uyazingabaza, amakhono akho, ukubaluleka kwakho. Ukuzethemba kwakho konakala ngendlela engaqondakali.

Izimpawu zokuzethemba okuphansi ngemva kobudlelwane obunobuthi

Wazi kanjani ukuthi ukuzethemba kwakho konakele? Nazi ezinye izimpawu ongazibukela:

• Unenkinga yokuthatha izinqumo uwedwa
• Uhlale ungabaza ukukhetha kwakho
• Uzizwa ungakwazi ukuzuza lutho
• Uyakwesaba ukwahlulelwa kwabanye
• Uzehlisa ngokuhlelekile
• Ucabanga ukuthi awukufanele ukujabula noma ukuthandwa
• Unenkinga yokwenqaba nokubeka imikhawulo yakho

Uma uziqaphela kwamanye ala maphuzu, sekuyisikhathi sokuthatha isinyathelo ukuze wakhe kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho.

Imiphumela yokungazethembi

Ukuzinyeza kungaba nomthelela omkhulu ezicini eziningi zempilo. Nakhu ukuhlaziya okuningiliziwe kwemiphumela yako eyinhloko:

Empilweni yomphakathi:

• Ukuthambekela kokuzihlukanisa nokuzihlukanisa nawe
• Ubunzima bokudala nokugcina ubudlelwano bangempela
• I-Hypersensitivity ekugxekeni nasekwahluleleni kwabanye
• Ukuziphatha okuzithobayo noma ngokuphambene nalokho, isimo sengqondo sokuzivikela ngokweqile

Empilweni yobungcweti:

• Ukungabaza ukubamba amathuba ngenxa yokwesaba ukwehluleka
• Ubunzima bokuvikela imibono noma ukuxoxisana
• I-Persistent imposter syndrome
• Ukuhlolwa kancane kwamakhono phakathi nezingxoxo noma ukuhlola

Ezingeni lomuntu siqu:

• Ukuhlehlisa kanye nokugwema izinselele
• Kukhubaza ukuthanda ukuphelela
• Ubunzima bokwenza izinqumo
• Ukuthambekela ekuzicekeleni phansi

Ngempilo yengqondo:

• Ingozi eyengeziwe yokukhathazeka nokudangala
• Ukuduma kwengqondo njalo
• Umuzwa ongapheli wokungeneliseki
• Ukwanda kokuba sengozini kwemizwa

Ekuziphatheni kwansuku zonke:

• Ubunzima bokusungula nokugcina imingcele enempilo
• Ukuthambekela ekuqhathaniseni abantu ngokwedlulele
• Ukuncika okungaba khona ngokomzwelo
• Ukusesha okuqhubekayo kokugunyazwa kwangaphandle

Lokhu kuhlonishwa okuphansi kungadala umjikelezo ononya: imiphumela emibi iqinisa umuzwa wokuqala wokungafaneleki, okubuye kukhulise le miphumela efanayo. Ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukuqaphela lezi zimpawu ukuze ukwazi ukusebenza ngokwakho futhi unqamule lo mjikelezo.

Ukuqonda izindlela ze-narcissistic pervert ukuze azikhulule

ngoba yakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho, kubalulekile ukuqonda izindlela ezisebenza ebudlelwaneni bakho obudlule. Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic ngokwakhe uhlushwa ukuzethemba okungazinzile nokuntekenteke.

Ukuziphatha kwakhe kuhlose ukugcwalisa isikhala esingaphakathi ngokudonsela emandleni nasekuhlonipheni abanye. Ngokukubeka phansi, uzama ukuzizwa ephakeme. Ngokushintshanisa phakathi kwe-idealization kanye nokwaliwa, kudala ukuncika ngokomzwelo.

Ukuqaphela ukuthi izenzo zomuntu zibonisa ukushiyeka kwakho siqu, hhayi ukubaluleka kwakho kwangempela, kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokwelapha.

Ukubeka imikhawulo yakho: isenzo sothando kuwena

Ukubeka imingcele ecacile kubalulekile ukuze uvikele ukuzethemba kwakho okusha. Kuyinselelo ngemuva kobudlelwano obunobuthi, kodwa futhi kuyindlela enamandla yokuziqinisekisa:

• Thola imikhawulo yakho siqu (yini eyamukelekayo noma engamukeleki kuwe)
• Ziveze ngokucacile nangokuzola
• Hlala uqinile lapho ubhekene nemizamo yokukhohlisa
• Khumbula ukuthi ukwenqaba kuyisenzo sothando kuwena

Njalo uma ubeka umkhawulo, uqinisa ukuzethemba kwakho.

Zizungeze nabantu abakhathalelayo nabasekelayo

Isimo senhlalo sidlala indima ebalulekile ekwakheni kabusha ukuzethemba. Zizungeze nabantu abathi:

• Kwazise ngalokho oyikho ngempela
• Hlonipha imikhawulo yakho kanye nokukhetha kwakho
• Kukhuthaze kumaphrojekthi akho
• Ukukunikeza ukwesekwa okungokomzwelo kwangempela

Ungangabazi ukusuka ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi noma obungenamsoco. Inhlalakahle yakho iseqhulwini.

Xhumana kabusha nezinto ozithandayo futhi uthuthukise amakhono amasha

Ukuzibandakanya emisebenzini esiyithanda kakhulu kuyindlela enhle yokwakha ukuzethemba. Lokhu kukuvumela ukuthi:

• Xhumana kabusha nengxenye yakho okungenzeka ukuthi ibekwe eceleni
• Zizwe ubumnandi nokuziqhenya
• Thuthukisa amakhono amasha
• Hlangana nabantu abanezintshisekelo ezifana nezakho

Isibindi sokuqalisa amaphrojekthi amasha, ngisho nalawo anesizotha. Impumelelo ngayinye izokhulisa ukuzethemba kwakho.

Ukubaluleka kokuzinakekela ekwakhiweni kabusha

Ukuzinakekela akuyona into ewubukhazikhazi, kuyisidingo, ikakhulukazi ngemva kobudlelwane obunobuthi. Ukuzinakekela kuhlanganisa:

• Ukunakekelwa komzimba (ukudla, ukulala, ukuvivinya umzimba)
• Ukuphila kahle ngokomzwelo (ukuzindla, idayari, ukwelashwa)
• Ukuthuthukiswa kwengqondo (ukufunda, ukufunda)
• Ukuxhumana okunomsoco

Zinike isikhathi usuku nosuku lomsebenzi okushaja kabusha. Umlayezo onamandla wothando kuwena.

Ukubekezela nozwelo: izihluthulelo zokuphulukiswa okuhlala njalo

Ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba ngemva kobudlelwane obunobuthi kuyinqubo ethatha isikhathi. Yiba nesineke futhi ube nomusa kuwe:

• Yamukela ukuthi ukuphulukiswa akuqondile
• Gubha yonke inqubekelaphambili encane
• Ungazihluleli uma unezikhathi zokungabaza
• Khumbula ukuthi ufanelwe uthando nenhlonipho, uqale ngeyakho

Ngokuphikelela nokuzihawukela, uzophinde uthole ukuzethemba okuqinile nokwanelisayo.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zokunqoba ukuzethemba okuphansi

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisikhombisa ngesihloko sokuzethemba okuphansi:

1. Levi, J. (2007). Ukuzethemba kanye nentuthuko yomuntu siqu. Izinhlobo ze-Eyrolles.
2. Cohen, J. (2010). Ukuzethemba: indlela yokusebenza ngokwengqondo. Izinguqulo zikaDe Boeck.
3. Rogers, C. (1990). Ukuthuthukiswa kokuzethemba. Editions du Seuil.
4. Bruchon-Schweitzer, M. (2004). I-Psychology yezempilo: ukuzethemba kanye nempilo. I-Press Universitaires de France.
5. Guillaumat, P. (2001). Ukuzethemba nempumelelo: izindaba zemfundo. Editions L’Harmattan.
6. Fischer, J. (2016). Ukwakha ukuzethemba ezinganeni nasebancane. Editions L’Harmattan.
7. Valley, C. (2013). Ukuzethemba: Izindlela zokwelapha nezokwelashwa. Ama-Satas Editions.

Lezi zikhombo zihlanganisa izici ezihlukahlukene zokuzethemba, kusukela kuthiyori yezengqondo kuye kokusebenza kanye nemithelela yezemfundo.

Isiphetho

Sengiphetha, ukwakha kabusha ukuzethemba kwakho ngemva kobudlelwane nomuntu ophendukezela i-narcissistic kuyinselele, kodwa futhi kuyithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu okukhulu. Ngokuqonda izindlela zokusebenza, ukuqeda izinkolelo ezingezinhle, ukuzungeza abantu abakhathalelayo nokuzinakekela, awukwazi ukubuyisela kuphela kodwa futhi uqinise ukuzethemba kwakho.

Ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi ufanelwe uthando nenhlonipho. Ukubaluleka kwakho akuncikile emibonweni yabanye, kodwa othandweni nenhlonipho onayo ngawe. Zonke izinyathelo kule ndlela ukuphulukiswa kuwukunqoba. Unamandla kunalokho okucabangayo, futhi ikusasa elijabulisayo likulindile.