Abantu abanobuthi: ukuqonda umthelela wabo enhlalakahleni yethu

Umuntu onobuthi angaba nomthelela ojulile nohlala njalo empilweni yethu nasenhlalakahleni yethu. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ilungu lomndeni, osebenza naye, noma umngane, ubudlelwano nabantu abanobuthi bungaba umthombo wokucindezeleka,ukukhathazeka kanye nokuhlupheka ngokomzwelo. Lesi sihloko sihlola umqondo womuntu onobuthi, izici zakhe, imvelaphi yakhe, kanye nemiphumela kulabo abamzungezile.

Uyini umuntu onobuthi?

Umuntu onobuthi ngumuntu onokuziphatha nezimo zakhe zengqondo ezinomphumela omubi njalo kwabanye. Laba bantu bavame ukubonakala ngokuziphatha okukhohlisayo, kobugovu noma okuhlukumezayo okuqeda amandla emizwa yalabo ababazungezile. Ngokungafani ne-a ubuntu obunobuthi okubandakanya ukuphazamiseka kobuntu okutholakele, igama elithi “umuntu onobuthi” libanzi futhi lihlanganisa izinhlobonhlobo zokuziphatha okulimazayo.

Abantu abanobuthi bangabonisa izici ezihlukahlukene, njenge:

• I-egocentrism eyeqile
• Ukuthambekela kokukhohlisa
• Ukuntula uzwela
• Ukuthambekela kokugxeka nokululaza abanye
• Ukungakwazi ukuziphendulela ngezenzo zabo
• Ukuthambekela kokudlala isisulu
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokunakwa nokuqinisekiswa.

Umsuka wokuziphatha okunobuthi

Ukuziphatha okunobuthi kungaba nemvelaphi ehlukahlukene. Ukuqonda le mvelaphi kungasiza ukuqonda kangcono isenzeko, ngaphandle kokuthethelela ukuziphatha okulimazayo.

• Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni

Abantu abaningi abanobuthi baye baba nokuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu phakathi nobuntwana babo. Lokhu kuhlukumezeka kungabandakanya ukuhlukumeza, ukunganakwa, noma ukulahlwa. Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungalolonga umbono wabo ngomhlaba kanye nokusebenzelana kwabo nabanye.

• Amaphethini omndeni angasebenzi

Ukuziphatha okunobuthi kungafundwa emndenini. Uma ingane ikhulela endaweni lapho ukukhohlisa, ukulawula, nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kujwayelekile, ingase iwaphinde la maphethini lapho esekhulile.

• Ukungazethembi kanye nokuzethemba

Kuyaxaka ukuthi abantu abaningi abanobuthi bahlushwa ukungazethembi okujulile nokuzethemba. Ukuziphatha kwabo kungase kube izindlela zokuzivikela zokufihla le mizwa yokungafaneleki.

• Izinkinga zobuntu ezingatholakali

Nakuba kungebona bonke abantu abanobuthi abanenkinga yobuntu, ezinye izenzo ezinobuthi zingase zihlotshaniswe neziyaluyalu ezingatholakali noma ezingalashwa, njenge-narcissistic noma i-borderline personality disorder.

Izinhlobo ezahlukene zabantu abanobuthi

Kunezinhlobo eziningana zabantu abanobuthi, ngayinye enezici zayo nezindlela zokuziphatha.

• I-narcissist

I-narcissist ibonakala ngesidingo esiqhubekayo sokunconywa nokungakwazi ukucabangela izidingo zabanye. Angaba muhle ebusweni, kodwa abe nobuqili nobugovu ebudlelwaneni bakhe.

• Isilawuli

Lo muntu unesidingo eseqile sokulawula indawo yakhe nabantu abaseduze kwakhe. Angase asebenzise umuzwa wecala, izinsongo, noma ukukhohlisa ukuze alondoloze lokhu kulawula.

• Isisulu

Umhlukumezi uhlale eziveza njengesisulu sezimo noma izenzo zabanye. Uyenqaba ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo futhi ngokuvamile usola abanye ngezinkinga zakhe.

• Umgxeki ongapheli

Lo muntu uhlezi ekhuluma kabi. Uhlale egxeka abanye, eqeda ukuzethemba nokuzethemba kwabo.

• I-manipulator ulaka olungashukumi

I-manipulator ye-passive-aggressive izwakalisa ubutha bayo ngokungaqondile. Angase asebenzise ukubhuqa, ukuthula, noma amazwi acashile ukuze alimaze abanye ngaphandle kokubonakala enolaka ngokweqile.

Umthelela wabantu abanobuthi empilweni yengqondo

Ukusebenzelana njalo nabantu abanobuthi kungaba nemiphumela eyingozi kakhulu empilweni yengqondo nengokomzwelo.

• Ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka

Ukuchayeka njalo ekuziphatheni okunobuthi kungaholela ekucindezelekeni okungapheli nokukhathazeka. Izisulu zingase zizizwe zisemaphethelweni njalo, zesaba ukusebenzelana okungekuhle okulandelayo.

• Ukucindezeleka

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubudlelwano obunobuthi bungabangela ukucindezeleka. Ukuhlala uzizwa ungafaneleki, ugxekwa noma uxhashazwa kungaqeda ukuzethemba futhi kuholele ekucindezelekeni.

• Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo

Abantu abanobuthi bavame ukukhipha amandla angokomzwelo kulabo ababazungezile. Lokhu kungaholela esimweni sokukhathala ngokomzwelo, lapho ogulayo ezizwa ekhathele futhi engakwazi ukubhekana nezidingo zokuphila kwansuku zonke.

• Ukuphazamiseka kokulala

Ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka okubangelwa ukusebenzisana okunobuthi kungaphazamisa ukulala, okuholela ekuqwaleni noma ezinye izinkinga zokulala.

Imiphumela ebudlelwaneni babantu

Abantu abanobuthi abagcini nje ngokuthinta impilo yengqondo yomuntu ngamunye, kodwa futhi namandla obudlelwano phakathi kwabantu.

• Ukuwohloka kobudlelwane bomndeni

Emkhakheni womndeni, umuntu onobuthi angadala izingxabano, ukungezwani nokuhlukana phakathi kwamalungu omndeni. Lokhu kungaholela ekuhlukaneni nasekubhidlikeni kwezibopho zomndeni.

• Izinkinga ebudlelwaneni bothando

Ebudlelwaneni bothando, umuntu onobuthi angadala ukungalingani kwamandla, ukungathembani, nokungazethembi. Lokhu kungaholela emijikelezweni yokuhlukana kanye nokwenza-ups, noma ukuxhomekeka okungenampilo.

• Izinkinga zomsebenzi

Emsebenzini, umuntu onobuthi angalimaza ukukhiqiza, isimilo seqembu kanye nomkhathi jikelele. Lokhu kungaholela ekusebenzeni okuphansi, inzuzo ephezulu, nendawo yokusebenza ecindezelayo.

• Ukuzihlukanisa emphakathini

Izisulu zabantu abanobuthi zingagcina sezihlukene nabantu. Bangase babe nobunzima bokuthemba abanye noma ukwakha ubudlelwano obusha obunempilo.

Isixhumanisi phakathi kwabantu abanobuthi nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuziphatha okuningi okunobuthi kufana nokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo. Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kuyiphethini yokuziphatha okuhloswe ngayo ukulawula othile ngokwesaba, ukululazeka, ukusabisa, ukusola, noma amanye amaqhinga okukhohlisa.

Izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo

Abantu abanobuthi bangase bahlanganyele ezinhlotsheni ezihlukahlukene zokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, okuhlanganisa:

• Ukukhanyisa igesi (ukwenza isisulu singabaze umbono waso weqiniso)
• Ukugxekwa okuqhubekayo nokululazayo
• Izinsongo nokwesabisa
• Ukuxhaphaza imizwa
• Ukuhlukaniswa komuntu ohlukunyeziwe ekusekeleni kwabo
• Ukungathembeki ngokomzwelo

Umjikelezo wokuhlukumeza

Ubudlelwano nabantu abanobuthi bungalandela umjikelezo ofana nokuhlukumeza, ukushintshana phakathi kwezinkathi zokushuba, ukuqhuma (izenzo ezinobuthi obukhulu), nokubuyisana (okubizwa nangokuthi “i-honeymoon”).

Ukujwayezwa kokuhlukunyezwa

Ukuchayeka isikhathi eside ekuziphatheni okunobuthi kungaholela ekujwayelekeni kokuhlukumeza. Izisulu zingase ziqale ukukholelwa ukuthi zikufanele lokhu kwelashwa noma ukuthi kuyinto evamile ebudlelwaneni.

Umthelela womphakathi wabantu abanobuthi

Ithonya labantu abanobuthi lidlulela ngalé kobudlelwane bomuntu ngamunye futhi lingathinta umphakathi uwonke.

• Ukusabalala kwe ukuziphatha okunobuthi

Ukuziphatha okunobuthi kungasakazeka njengegciwane lezenhlalo. Abantu abachayeka kulokhu kuziphatha bangase bakufake ngaphakathi futhi bakukhiqize kobunye ubudlelwano.

• Izindleko zezempilo zomphakathi

Ingcindezi nempilo yengqondo ebangelwa ukuxhumana nabantu abanobuthi kungaholela ezindlekweni ezibalulekile ohlelweni lokunakekelwa kwezempilo.

• Umthelela ekukhiqizeni

Emhlabeni wochwepheshe, abantu abanobuthi bangabukela phansi ukukhiqiza nokuqamba okusha, okunemiphumela ebanzi kwezomnotho.

• Ukuguguleka kokuthembana komphakathi

Ngezinga elikhulu, ukwanda kokuziphatha okunobuthi kungaqeda ukwethembana komphakathi, kwenze ukubambisana nokubumbana emiphakathini kube nzima kakhulu.

Ireferensi yezincwadi zokuqonda umthelela wabantu abanobuthi enhlalakahleni yethu

Nazi izikhombo zebhayibhulikhi eziyisikhombisa endikimbeni “yabantu abanobuthi”:

1. Stamateas, B. (2010). Abantu abanobuthi: Umhlahlandlela omfushane wokusinda wabantu abafaka ushevu ezimpilweni zethu. U-Enrick B. Éditions.
2. Robert, G. (2010). “Intshisekelo ye-toxic.” Inkambu yezengqondo, 57 (1), 113-120.
3. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.net. (2021). “Izici Eziyisi-8 Ezivamile Zabantu Abanobuthi.”
4. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.net. (2021). “Izinto Eziyisi-8 Ezivamile Zomuntu Onobuthi Nobubi.”
5. I-Health Magazine. (2023). “Umuntu onobuthi: zibone, zibaleke.”
6. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.net. (2020). “Ungazilawula kanjani futhi uzivikele kanjani kubantu abangalungile nabanobuthi.”
7. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.net. (2020). “Indlela yokubeka imingcele nabantu abanobuthi.”

Lezi zincwadi nezindatshana zinikela ngemibono eyahlukene ngezici, imithelela namasu okuphatha ubudlelwano nabantu abanobuthi.

Isiphetho

Ukuqonda okwenzeka kubantu abanobuthi kubalulekile ekuzuleni ubudlelwano bethu bomuntu siqu nobuchwepheshile. Nakuba umsuka walokhu kuziphatha uyinkimbinkimbi, umthelela wako kubantu ngabanye nasemphakathini awunakuphikwa. Ngokubona la maphethini anobuthi, singakwazi ukuzivikela kangcono futhi sikhuthaze ubudlelwano obunempilo, obuhle kuzo zonke izici zokuphila kwethu.