Ithonya nokukhohlisa kuyingqikithi yamasu asetshenziswa abahlanekezeli be-narcissistic ebudlelwaneni babo.La ukuxhaphaza is a uhlobo lwethonya elifihliwe noma elifihliwe, lapho umuntu efuna khona ukuqondisa imicabango, imizwelo, noma ukuziphatha kwabanye ukuze kuzuze umuntu, ngaphandle kwemvume enolwazi womuntu okhohliwe.
Ngokuvamile kusekelwe kulokhu:
UCristina unikeza iseshini yomuntu ngamunye ukukusiza uphume ekulawulweni okuhlukumezayo futhi wakhe impilo yakho kabusha.
- la ubuqili, amanga,ukushiywa, noma icala ;
- un ukungalingani kobudlelwano;
- intando yoku ukulawula noma ukubusa.
🔎 Isibonelo: ukwenza umuntu azizwe enecala ukuze enze into abengeke ayenze ngokwakhe.
🌱 Incazelo yethonya (elihle noma elingathathi hlangothi):
Thengakolunye uhlangothi, ithonya okusobala nokwethembeka. Kubhekisela esenzweni sokwenza othile ashintshe umqondo noma ukuziphatha kwakhe ngokwethula imibono yakhe, izimpikiswano, noma isibonelo, ngenkathi ehlonipha inkululeko yomunye umuntu.
Angase abe:
- ngokuqonda nangokuvumelana;
- ngokusekelwe ku ubuhlakani, ngokunengqondo, i imizwa emihle noma ubuholi.
🔎 Isibonelo: Khuthaza ozakwenu ukuthi ahlele kangcono ngokumkhombisa indlela yakho esebenzayo.
⚖️ Ukukhohlisa vs. Ithonya: Ukuqhathanisa
| Umbandela | zokukhwabanisa | ithonya |
|---|---|---|
| obala | Kufihliwe, ngokungaqondile | Vula, sobala |
| Inhloso | Ngokuvamile ubugovu noma inzondo | Ngokuvamile inomusa noma ingathathi hlangothi |
| Inhlonipho ngenkululeko yokuzikhethela | Ayihlonishwa | Uhlonishwa |
| Amathuluzi asetshenzisiwe | Icala, ukwesaba, ukudideka, ukubopha kabili | Ukuphikisana, uzwela, isibonelo |
| nemiphumela | Ukungathembani, ukuncika, ukuhlupheka | Ukuzethemba, ugqozi, ukuzimela |
Izisekelo ezingokwengqondo zethonya kanye nokukhohlisa
Ithonya nokukhohlisa kusekelwe ezindleleni ezijulile zengqondo. I-narcissistic pervert ngekhono ixhaphaza lezi zinsimbi ukuze iqinisekise ukulawula kwayo:
- Isidingo sokuba yingxenye: Sonke sidinga ukuzizwa samukelekile futhi saziswa. I-narcissistic pervert idlala ngalesi sidingo ngokushintshanisa phakathi kokuqina nokwenqatshwa.
- Ukuphindaphinda: Sivame ukubuyisela lokho esikuphiwayo. I-narcissistic pervert isebenzisa izimpawu zothando ezingelona iqiniso ukudala umuzwa wesikweletu.
- Ukuzibophezela nokungaguquguquki: Uma sesizinikele endleleni, sivame ukuphikelela. I-narcissistic pervert icindezela isisulu sakhe ukuba senze kancane kancane.
- Ubufakazi bomphakathi: Sithembele ekuziphatheni kwabanye ukuze kuqondise okwethu. I-narcissistic pervert ihlukanisa isisulu sakhe ukuze kube ukuphela kwesithenjwa sakhe.
- Igunya: Sivame ukuthobela abantu abanegunya. Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic uzibeka njengomphathi wolwazi neqiniso.
- Ukushoda : Okuyivelakancane kubonakala kufiseleka kakhulu kithi. Umphendukezeli we-narcissistic wenza uthando lwakhe lube olungavamile futhi lube yigugu emehlweni esisulu sakhe.
Amasu okukhwabanisa ekuxhumaneni
Kuya. I uphinda
- Isimiso: Ukuphindaphinda umlayezo ngokuphindaphindiwe ukuze wamukelwe njengeqiniso. Izibonelo: izikhangiso, inkulumo-ze yezepolitiki.
- Umphumela: Ukudala umbono ongeyiwo ngeqiniso nokuthonya izinqumo ngaphandle kokucabanga ngokujulile.
b. THE ilungiswe
- Isimiso: Ukushintsha indlela ulwazi olubonwa ngayo ukuze kuguqulwe ukuchazwa kwalo. Isibonelo: “Lokhu akusikho ukwehluleka, kuyithuba lokufunda.”
- Umphumela: Ukulawula imizwa ngokushintsha indlela obona ngayo isimo.
c. THE amandla egunya
- Isimiso: Sebenzisa umuntu onegunya ukuze ukholise. Isibonelo: uchwepheshe noma usaziwayo oncoma umkhiqizo.
- Umphumela: Ukudala ingcindezi yomphakathi eyenza kube nzima ukungabaza ulwazi noma isidingo.
d. L’ubulungu beqembu
- Isimiso: Sebenzisa isidingo sokuba yingxenye yokuziphatha okuthonyayo. Isibonelo: “Wonke umuntu uyakwenza lokhu, nawe kufanele.”
- Umphumela: Ukulawula izinqumo ngokusebenzisa kabi isifiso sokuzivumelanisa neqembu.
e. THE ukuphazamiseka kokunaka
- Isimiso: Qondisa ukunaka emininingwaneni engabalulekile ukuze ugweme ukuxoxa ngezihloko ezibaluleke kakhulu. Isibonelo: iziphazamiso kwabezindaba.
- Umphumela: Ukufihla ulwazi olubalulekile noma ukuphambukisa ukunaka ezinkingeni ezibalulekile.
f. THE ulimi lwemizwa
- Isimiso: Ukusebenzisa imizwa enamandla ukukhuthaza isenzo ngaphandle kokucabanga okunengqondo. Isibonelo: ukudlala ngokwesaba, umuzwa wecala, noma uzwela ukuze ulawule abanye.
- Umphumela: Ukuphazamisa amakhono okuhlaziya ngokujulile nokwenza umuntu abe sengozini enkulu yokuthonywa.
g. THE ukubopha okuphindwe kabili (ukuma okuphikisanayo)
- Isimiso: Nikeza izinketho lapho, kuzo zonke izimo, umuntu ephoqeleka ukukhetha ikhambi. Isibonelo: “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyasamukela lesi siphakamiso, noma umelene nathi.”
- Umphumela: Ukudala isimo lapho umuntu ezizwa evalelekile futhi kumele enze ukukhetha ngaphandle kwenketho enengqondo.
Amasu amathonya acashile we-narcissistic pervert
I-narcissistic pervert isebenzisa wonke amasu amathonya acashile:
- Ukuxhaphaza imizwa: Udlala ngemizwa yesisulu sakhe, eshintshana phakathi kwezikhathi zenjabulo enkulu nezikhathi zokuhlupheka. Le yo-yo yemizwa idala ukuncika ngokomzwelo.
- Le ukukhanyisa igesi : Wenza isisulu sakhe singabaze umbono waso ngeqiniso, ngokuphika noma ukuhlanekezela amaqiniso. Lokhu kuqeda ukuzethemba futhi kukwenza uncike ekwahluleleni kwakho.
- La ukuxolisa : Wethula umuntu wesithathu ebudlelwaneni ukuze avuse umona nokungazethembi. Lokhu kuqinisa ukulawula kwakhe ngokugcina isisulu sakhe sizivikela.
- Le thanda amabhomu : Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane, uqeda isisulu sakhe ngokunaka nothando. Lokhu kwakha isibopho esiqinile kanye nesimo esihle leso isisulu azobe esefuna ukubuyela kuso.
- Ukwelashwa buthule: Ujezisa isisulu sakhe ngezikhathi zokuthula nokunganaki. Lokhu kucindezela isisulu ukuba senze konke ukubuyisela ukunaka kwaso.
Icala njengendlela yokukhohlisa
La ukukhwabanisa kwecala kuyindlela yengqondo evame ukusetshenziswa izikhohlisi ukulawula noma ukuthonya umuntu ngokumenza aphendule kokuthile, ngokuvamile okungalungile. Lena indlela evamile kakhulu ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi (umndeni, ezothando, umsebenzi, njll.), lapho umkhohlisi efuna ukwenza buthaka omunye ngokudlala ngonembeza wakhe, ukuziphatha noma imizwelo.
🔍 Isebenza kanjani?
I-manipulator isebenzisa icala ukuze:
- Ukwenza abanye baphendule ngezenzo zabo noma imizwelo yabo.
- Ukuze uthole inzuzo ngaphandle kokubuza ngqo.
- Gwema ukuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngamaphutha akho ngokusola abanye.
- Ukugcina ukulawula kwengqondo ngokwenza buthaka ukuzethemba kwesisulu.
🧠 Izibonelo zikakhonkolo:
-
Ubudlelwano bomzali nengane:
“Ngakho konke engikwenzele kona uyangidumaza…”
Lokhu kusho ukuthi ingane ayinalo ilungelo lokuphila ngokukhetha kwayo ngaphandle kokulimaza umzali. -
Izithandani:
“Ukube ubungithanda ngempela ubuzongenzela lokhu.”
Sicindezela omunye ukuthi enze ngokumelene nezimiso zethu noma induduzo yethu ngenxa yokwesaba ukulahlekelwa uthando. -
Umsebenzi :
“Bengithembele kuwe, awuzukungiphoxa manje.”
Noma ngabe umsebenzi oceliwe ungekho endaweni yakho yesibopho noma usuvele ukulayisha ngokweqile.
🛡️Ungangena kanjani?
- Thola iphethini: Zibuze ukuthi unesibopho ngempela yini ngalokho osolwa ngakho.
- Ukuhlola ukufaneleka kwesicelo: Ingabe silungile, silinganisela, noma sidlulele?
- Ukubeka imingcele: Ukuthi cha ngaphandle kokuzithethelela okungapheli.
- Phendula umbuzo:
“Kungani ungenza ngithathe lomthwalo?” »
🔥 Ibe Ukukhanyisa ngegesi: Uma othile ekwenza ungabaze iqiniso lakho
Le ukukhanyisa ngegesi (noma “ukubuka ngegesi” ngesiFulentshi, okubhekisela emdlalweni lapho indoda ihlanyisa khona umkayo ngokushintsha imininingwane yeqiniso) kuyi- indlela yokukhohlisa ingqondo ehlose ukwenza ukwenza umuntu angabaze ukuqonda kwakhe, inkumbulo yakhe, noma impilo yakhe yengqondo.
🎭 Isebenza kanjani?
I-manipulator izokwenza:
- Ukuphika amaqiniso asobala owake wawabona noma wawazwa.
- Nciphisa ukuzethemba kwakho ekwahluleleni kwakho.
- Bazoguqula isimo sibe yihlazo kuwe, bakusole ngokuthi uzwela kakhulu, ukhathazekile, futhi awuzinzile…
- Dala ukudideka ukuze ukwazi ukulawula nokulawula kangcono.
🧠 Izibonelo zikakhonkolo:
-
Ubhekana nomuntu ngamanga asobala:
“Ungitshele lokho izolo.”
👉 “Ulungisa izinto. Awuqondanga futhi.” -
Uzwa intukuthelo noma ukudabuka ngesimo esingalungile:
👉 “Unemizwa kakhulu, uhlala unehaba.”
-
Ukuziphatha okulimazayo kuyenqatshwa noma kubuyiselwe emuva:
“Wangibhebha!” »
👉 “Nguwe ongihlasele. Bengizolile.”
⚠️ Imiphumela yokukhanya kwegesi:
- Ukuzinyeza njalo
- Ukuzizwa “uhlanya”
- Ukuthembela okwengeziwe kusikhohlisa
- Ukuzihlukanisa okuqhubekayo
🛡️Ungangena kanjani?
- Ugcina imikhondo: imiyalezo, amadayari, ubufakazi obuphathekayo.
- Themba umuzwa wakho: uma unomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle, kunesizathu salokho.
- Khuluma nomuntu ongathathi hlangothi: abangane, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha, umqeqeshi.
- Qinisekisa iqiniso lakho ngaphandle kokulivumela likuguqule:
“Ngiyakwazi engikubonile/engikubonile. Lokhu akumele kuxoxwe. »
Amahlaya abuhlungu
Lezi Amahlaya alimazayo ayindlela ecashile yokulawula imizwa. Avame ukusetshenziselwa Ukuhlambalaza, ukuhlazisa, noma ukululaza umuntu ngaphansi kokuhleka noma ukungabi nandaba. Lolu hlobo lwamahlaya anobuthi luncike eqinisweni lokuthi isisulu asikwazi ukuzivikela ngaphandle kokubonakala singathi sína kakhulu, sinolaka, noma singenamahlaya. Noma kunjalo, kungaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo ekuzithembeni nasekuzethembeni.
💥 Isebenza kanjani?
Amahlaya abuhlungu:
- Zigxila ezingxenyeni ezibucayi zomuntu (ukubukeka kwakhe, ukuhlakanipha kwakhe, ubuthakathaka bakhe, amaphutha akhe, njll.).
- Bayamdelela noma bamdelela omunye umuntu, kuyilapho benza sengathi kumane kuyihlaya.
- Balawula imizwa: ngemva kwehlaya, isisulu sizizwa sinamahloni noma silimele kodwa sinenkinga yokuyiveza ngaphandle kokubonakala “singathi sína kakhulu” noma “sinozwela”.
- Ziqinisa ukungalingani ebudlelwaneni: umuntu okhohlisayo uzibeka ngaphezu komunye ngokumenza abe sengozini yokuhlekwa usulu ngokuphindaphindiwe.
🧠 Izibonelo ezijwayelekile:
-
Ekubukekeni komzimba:
“Hawu usukhuluphele futhi, huh?” Kufanelana nawe, kuyahlekisa! » (Ngaphansi kokuhlekisa, omunye udelelwa emzimbeni wakhe.)
-
Kwezobuhlakani:
“Kuyahlekisa, kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ubambezeleka kancane, akunjalo?” » (Ukuthotshiswa kubonakala “njengehlaya” futhi kwehlisa amakhono omuntu.)
-
Ezehlakalweni ezinzima zempilo:
“Usufuna ukushada nalomfana ngempela?” Uyayikhumbula i-ex yakho, akunjalo? Kuyoba okufanayo! » (Ukuhleka kusekelwe ekubuzeni umcimbi obalulekile nowomuntu siqu.)
-
Ngobuthakathaka noma amaphutha adlule:
“Ay uzophinde ukhohlwe lokho kodwa?” Uhlale unekhanda emafini. » (Iphutha liyahlekwa, elivimbela umuntu ukuba afunde ngaphandle kokuhlekwa.)
⚠️ Imiphumela yamahlaya alimazayo:
- Ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba, njengoba isisulu siqala ukungabaza ukubaluleka kwaso.
- Ukuzizwa unamahloni ngisho noma kungekho sizathu esizwakalayo.
- Ukuzihlukanisa nabantu: uma abanye behlanganyela ehlaya noma bengalibuzi, lokhu kuqinisa ukuhlazeka.
- Ukucindezeleka nokukhathazeka: ngokuhlekwa njalo ngalolu hlobo, umuntu angase azizwe ezimisele ukuzivikela njalo.
🛡️ Ungasabela kanjani kulolu hlobo lwehlaya?
- Thatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva: Ungaphenduli ngokuphamazela.
- Beka imingcele eqinile:
-
“Angilwazisi lolu hlobo lwamahlaya, aluhlekisi kimina.”
-
- Phendula ngokuvuselela okuzolile:
-
“Ngicabanga ukuthi awuboni ukuthi kubuhlungu kangakanani kimi.”
-
- Shintsha isihloko noma ungasinaki isiphakamiso:
Kwesinye isikhathi, ukwenqaba ukudlala umdlalo wamahlaya kungaqeda izikhali umkhohlisi.
Le Umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza uvame ukusebenzisa Ukungezwani kwengqondo kusetshenziswa njengesikhali esicashile sokuxhaphaza nokulawula izisulu. Inhloso yaso ukudala ukungqubuzana engqondweni yesisulu, okusenza singabaze iqiniso laso, imibono yaso, kanye nemizwa yaso. Lokhu kungabangela ukudideka kwengqondo, ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba, kanye nomuzwa oqhubekayo wokungakhululeki kwengqondo.
🔥 Indima ye-cognitive dissonance ku-narcissistic pervert:
I-narcissistic pervert inguchwepheshe kwezobuciko bokudala izimo lapho isisulu sizwa khona ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi. Ngokufaka imibono ephikisanayo, umuntu okhohlisayo wenza isisulu singasazi ukuthi yini engokoqobo, yini engamanga, futhi agcine ezisola noma ezivumelanisa nenguqulo ehlanekezelwe yezenzakalo eziphakanyiswe umuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile.
💥 Izibonelo eziqinile ze-cognitive dissonance ku-narcissistic pervert:
1. Ukunciphisa ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo:
-
Isimo: Umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo uhlala ekugxeka, ekusola, noma ekuhlambalaza. Kodwa ngokushesha nje lapho usabela, uthi:
“O, kodwa bekuyihlaya nje! Uyalungisa izinto!”
-
Ukungezwani kwengqondo: Uyazi ukuthi amazwi akhe ayebuhlungu, kodwa ukwenza ungabaze ubucayi besimo. Uyazibuza ukuthi usabela ngokweqile yini, okukuphonsa ekungaqinisekini.
-
Umphumela: Ukubhekana nokusabela okunjalo ngokuphindaphindiwe kukuholela ekuzibuzeni imibono yakho bese uqala ukuzizwa unecala ngendlela osabela ngayo. Lokhu kukushukumisela ukuba ubekezelele ukuhlazeka okwengeziwe ngaphandle kokuzivikela.
2. Imidlalo yokungabi nandaba nokushuba kwemizwa:
-
Isimo: Umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza angaba nomusa kakhulu futhi anake ngolunye usuku, kodwa abe kude kakhulu, aze abe nonya, ngolunye usuku. Ngemva kwesikhathi sokulahlwa noma ukunganaki, babuya bexolisa futhi bethembisa ushintsho.
“Ngiyaxolisa, bengingaqondile ukukuzwisa ubuhlungu, uyazi ukuthi ubaluleke kakhulu kimina.
-
Ukungezwani kwengqondo: Isisulu sishintshashintsha phakathi kwamaqiniso amabili aphikisanayo: ukuziphatha kokunganaki nobudlova ngakolunye uhlangothi, kanye nokuxolisa kanye nezikhathi zokunaka kolunye uhlangothi.
-
Umphumela: Lokhu kungafani kudala ukungavumelani engqondweni yesisulu, esiqala ukukholelwa ukuthi mhlawumbe okwenzekile bekungekubi kangako, noma ukuthi umuntu ophambukile ozithanda ngokweqile empeleni ungumuntu ozwela kakhulu “ofanelwe” ithuba lesibili.
3. Ukuqagela nokuguqulwa kwendima:
-
Isimo: Umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo ugxeka ngokungafanele noma ukusola ngamaphutha akhe. Bazokuveza amaphutha abo kuwe.
“Uzicabangela wena, awukaze ucabange ngami!” »
Noma :
“Uwena owenze leliphutha, kungani uhlezi ungibeka ethubeni lokuthi kumele ngilungise yonke into?” » -
Ukungaqondani kahle kwengqondo: Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo uyazi ukuthi awunacala, kodwa indlela azama ngayo ukukukholisa ngenye indlela ikwenza ungabaze.
-
Umphumela: Ngokumangalelwa ngamanga ngokuphindaphindiwe, uqala ukucabanga ukuthi kungaba yiqiniso ukuthi uziphatha ngobugovu, noma ngabe akunjalo. Lokhu kuqinisa umuzwa wakho wecala futhi kunciphisa ukwahlulela kwakho.
4. Ukuhlukaniswa nokulawula:
-
Isimo: Umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo uzama ukukuhlukanisa nabangani bakho noma umndeni wakho ngokukwenza ukholelwe ukuthi bayakuphikisa noma abaqondi ubudlelwano. Bangase basho izinto ezinjengalezi:
“Uyabona, umndeni wakho/abangani bakho abakuthandi ngempela, bahlezi bezama ukukungabaza.”
Noma :
“Uma ubalalela futhi, uzogcina ulahlekelwe yilokho esinakho.” -
Ukungezwani kwengqondo: Isisulu sizithola sihlukene phakathi kobudlelwano baso bangaphandle, obuqotho, nomuntu obatshela ukuthi lobu budlelwano buyingozi.
-
Umphumela: Ugcina uzihlukanisa nabanye futhi ungabaza uthando nokusekelwa kwalabo abakuzungezile. Isisulu sincika kakhulu kumhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo, olawula kancane kancane indawo yakhe.
5. “Kuyiphutha lakho”:
-
Isimo: Umhlukumezi ozikhukhumezayo uvame ukusebenzisa ukukhohlisa ukuze akwenze ube nesibopho ngokuziphatha kwakhe okubi. Ngemva kwempikiswano noma ingxabano, bangase bathi:
“Ukube ubungakwenzanga lokho, bengingeke ngisabele ngaleyo ndlela.”
-
Ukungezwani kwengqondo: Isisulu siyazi ukuthi ukuziphatha komuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kwakungafanele, kodwa umuntu okhohlisayo uyakwazi ukumenza angabaze umthwalo wakhe wemfanelo.
-
Umphumela: Esikhundleni sokubona ukuthi umuntu ophambukayo ozithanda ngokweqile unesimo esinobuthi, isisulu siqala ukuzizwa sinecala futhi sicabange ukuthi nguye obangele lesi simo, ngaleyo ndlela sinciphisa amandla aso futhi siqinise amandla omuntu osikhohlisayo.
🛡️ Ungaphatha kanjani i-cognitive dissonance ebudlelwaneni nomuntu ohlanekezela i-narcissistic?
- Ukuthatha isinyathelo sokubuyela emuva: Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi lokho okuzwayo kuyiqiniso nokuthi ukuxhashazwa komuntu oziqhenyayo kuhlose ukulimaza umbono wakho. Ungabanjwa umjikelezo wokuphikisana.
- Ukubonisana nomuntu wesithathu oqotho: Ukukhuluma nomngane omethembayo, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha, noma ngisho nelungu lomndeni kungasiza ekutholeni umbono ocacile wezenzakalo futhi kuqinisekise iqiniso langaphandle.
- Ukukhumbula amaqiniso: Ukubhala phansi izehlakalo, amazwi, kanye nokuziphatha komuntu ohlukumezayo othanda ukuzikhukhumeza kungasiza ekugcineni umbono oqondile. Lokhu kusiza ukuvimbela ukunqotshwa yizindlela zakhe zokukhwabanisa.
- Beka imingcele eqinile: Funda ukwenqaba futhi wenqabe ukwamukela ukukhohliswa. Lokhu kungaba nzima, kodwa kubalulekile ukugqashula kule nqubo enobuthi.
Ukulawula kwengqondo njengokukhohlisa kophendukezela
Umthelela we-narcissistic pervert nawo usetshenziswa ezingeni lemicabango nezinkolelo:
- Ukuhlanekezelwa kwamanani: Kancane kancane uchaza izindinganiso zokuziphatha zesisulu sakhe ukuze athethelele ukuziphatha kwakhe okuhlukumezayo.
- Ukwakhiwa kwemikhawulo ephindwe kabili: Ubeka isisulu sakhe ezimeni lapho sinephutha kungakhathaliseki ukuthi senzani. Lokhu kudala ukudideka nomuzwa wokungabi namandla.
- Ukuqagela: Usola amaphutha akhe nokuziphatha okunobuthi isisulu sakhe. Lokhu kufiphaza imigqa futhi kwenza isisulu sizizwe sinecala.
- Ukulawulwa kolwazi: Uhlunga futhi ahlanekezele ukwaziswa isisulu sakhe esingafinyelela kukho. Lokhu kubumba umbono wakhe womhlaba ngokwezifiso zakhe.
La ukukhohlisa ngokuthi “I worry about you”
La Icebo lokukhohlisa elithi “Ngikhathazekile ngawe” liyindlela ecashile esetshenziswa abaphangi, ngokuvamile ebudlelwaneni lapho omunye umuntu efuna ukulawula omunye ngaphansi kwesicaba sokunakekela nokukhathazeka. Umqondo uwukudala imizwa yecala noma yokuthembela esisulwini ngokwenza sengathi ukukhathazeka okuvezwe ngumphangi kusekelwe enhlalakahleni yakhe noma othandweni lwakhe ngomunye umuntu. Lokhu kungaba yinto ecashile kakhulu, njengoba kubonakala kunenhloso enhle ekuqaleni, kodwa empeleni, kuyindlela yoku nciphisa inkululeko, ukuthinta izinqumo noma ukulawula imizwa yomunye umuntu.
🔥 Amazwana ça fonctionne?
I-manipulator:
- Sebenzisa umusa wakhe ngokwenza sengathi uyakukhathalela.
- Kuphazamisa ukunaka komuntu ezinhlosweni zakhe noma ekuziphatheni kwakhe okunobuthi.
- Kulawula imizwa ngokudala isimo sokuthembela noma umuzwa wecala, okukwenza ukholelwe ukuthi awukwazi ukwenza okufunayo ngaphandle kokulimaza omunye umuntu.
🧠 Izibonelo ezingokoqobo zokukhohlisa ngokuthi “Ngikhathazekile ngawe”:
1. Ekuphatheni ubudlelwano bakho bokuxhumana nabantu:
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Isimo: Ufuna ukuchitha isikhathi nabangani bakho noma umndeni wakho, kodwa umuntu okhohlisayo usabela kanje:
“Uyazi, ngikhathazekile ngawe. Abangane bakho abakuqondi ngempela. Ngikhathazekile ngokuthi uchitha isikhathi esiningi nabo futhi kuyakulimaza.”
- Ukukhohlisa: Umuntu okhohlisayo udlala ngecala lakho ngokwenza sengathi uyakhathalela inhlalakahle yakho. Basebenzisa ukukhathazeka kwakho njengezaba zokukuqhelisa kubathandekayo bakho futhi bakwenze uthembele kakhulu kubo.
- Umphumela: Ekugcineni, uzizwa unecala ngokubona abathandekayo bakho, noma uqala ukungabaza izinhloso zabangani bakho. Ngakho-ke, umuntu okhohlisayo uqinisa ukulawula kwabo ubudlelwano bakho nabantu.
2. Ezikhethweni zakho siqu noma zomsebenzi:
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Isimo: Ufuna ukwenza ushintsho empilweni yakho, njengokushintsha imisebenzi noma ukuthuthela kwelinye idolobha, kodwa umuntu okhohlisayo ukutshela ukuthi:
“Ngikhathazeke kakhulu ngawe, kuwushintsho olukhulu. Uqinisekile ukuthi umbono omuhle lona? Angifuni wenze isinqumo esibi.”
- Ukukhohlisa: Umkhohlisi usebenzisa “ukukhathazeka” kwakhe ukuze akwenze ungabaze izinqumo zakho. Bakwenza ukholelwe ukuthi uma bekuthanda noma bekukhathalela, banelungelo lokungabaza izinqumo zakho ezibalulekile.
- Umphumela: Lokhu kukhathazeka kukwenza ungabaze, uqala ukungabaza amakhono akho kanye nokukhetha kwakho, futhi ugcina ungakwenzi lokho okufunayo ngempela ukuze ugweme ukudumaza noma ukulimaza umuntu othi uyakukhathalela.
3. Mayelana nokuziphatha noma imikhuba:
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Isimo: Uqala indlela entsha yokuphila, mhlawumbe enempilo, kodwa umuntu okhohlisayo usabela kanje:
“Ngikhathazekile impela, uyazi ukuthi lokhu kungaba nemiphumela, ubulokhu unomkhuba wokuthi udlulele kancane.” Qaphela, kungase kube kubi kuwe. »
- Ukukhohlisa: Lolu hlobo lokuphawula luwumzamo wokwenza isisulu singabaze izinqumo zaso, kuyilapho siziveza njengomuntu ohlakaniphe kakhulu futhi okhathalela kakhulu. Umgomo uwukuthonya ngokukwenza ungabaze ikhono lakho lokuzinakekela.
- Umphumela: Isisulu sigcina sizizwa sinecala ngezinqumo zaso, noma siqale nokungabaza ukuthi indlela yaso entsha yokuphila iyasebenza yini.
4. Ezinqumweni zempilo yemizwa noma yomndeni:
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Isimo: Ufuna ukwenza isinqumo esikukhathazayo mathupha, njengokuqeda ubudlelwano noma ukushintsha isimo somndeni, bese umuntu okhohlisayo ekutshela ukuthi:
“Ngikhathazekile ngawe. Uma wenza lokhu, ungase uzisole, kungase kukulimaze kakhulu. Angifuni ulimale.”
- Ukukhohlisa: Uzama ukukwenza ungabaze ikhono lakho lokwenza izinqumo ngokuziveza njengesisulu futhi akwenze uzizwe unecala ngokufuna ukushintsha okuthile empilweni yakho, noma ngabe kungokwenzuzo yakho.
- Umphumela: Ungase uqale ukukholelwa ukuthi usesimweni lapho izinqumo zakho zidinga ukuqinisekiswa ngomunye umuntu, noma okubi nakakhulu, ukuthi awukwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezifanele wedwa.
⚠️ Imiphumela yalokhu kukhohlisa:
- Umuzwa Wecala: Umkhohlisi ukwenza ukholelwe ukuthi uma wenza okuphambene nokukhathazeka kwabo, uzibonakalisa unobugovu noma ubeka impilo yakho engozini.
- Ukuncika ngokomzwelo: Ngokukwenza ungabaze, umuntu okhohlisayo udala ukuncika ngokomzwelo, lapho uqala khona ukwethemba isahlulelo sakhe ngaphezu kwesakho.
- Ukuzihlukanisa: Ngokukwenza ungabaze ubudlelwano bakho nabanye, noma izinqumo zakho zomuntu siqu, umuntu okhohlisayo angakushukumisela ukuba uzihlukanise nalabo abakuzungezile ukuze ulawule kangcono izenzo zakho.
- Ukuvinjelwa kwamaphrojekthi akho nezifiso zakho: Ungase uholeleke ekulahleni amaphupho akho noma amaphrojekthi ukuze ugweme “ukulimaza” umuntu okhohlisayo noma ukudumaza amathemba akhe.
🛡️ Ungazivikela kanjani kulokhu kukhohlisa?
- Ukuqaphela ukukhohlisa: Isinyathelo sokuqala ukuqonda ukuthi akuyona inkinga yangempela, kodwa umzamo wokulawula ngaphansi kwesicabha somusa.
- Lalela izidingo zakho nezifiso zakho: Uma unomuzwa wokuthi isinqumo noma isenzo sikulungele, kubalulekile ukusilandela, noma ngabe siyamkhathaza noma siyamkhathaza omunye umuntu.
- Beka imingcele ecacile: Funda ukubeka imingcele futhi wenqabe ukuvuma ukukhathazeka okuyimizamo yokulawula abanye.
- Ukusekelwa Kwangaphandle: Ukukhuluma nabangani, amalungu omndeni, noma uchwepheshe wezokwelapha kungakusiza uthole umbono wangaphandle futhi kukhulise ukuzethemba kwakho kuwe nasezinqumweni zakho.
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Izimpendulo eziqinile:
“Ngiyaqonda ukuthi ukhathazekile, kodwa lesi sinqumo simayelana nami futhi yilokho engicabanga ukuthi kungilungele.”
Izindlela zokuthonya kanye nomthelela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi
Umthelela we-narcissistic pervert kwenzeka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngezindlela ezimbalwa:
- Umjikelezo wodlame: Ukushintshashintsha kwezigaba zokungezwani, ukuqhuma kanye nokubuyisana okugcina isisulu ethembeni nomuzwa wecala.
- Ukuphazamiseka kokuqiniswa: Ukushintshashintsha okungalindelekile kwemiklomelo nezijeziso okudala ukuncika okuqinile ngokwengqondo.
- Isikweletu somzwelo: Ukunqwabelana kwemihlatshelo nezivumelwano ezidala umuzwa wokuthi kufanele uhlale ebudlelwaneni.
- Ubunikazi obuhlukene: Ukucekelwa phansi okuqhubekayo kobunikazi bomuntu ohlukunyeziwe, esikhundleni salokho isithombe esilolongelwe yi-narcissistic pervert.
Izici zobungozi ezingathonya kanye nokukhohlisa
Izinto ezithile zikwenza ukuthi uthonyeke kalula ethonyeni le-narcissistic pervert:
- Amanxeba ezingane angaxazululeki: Ukushoda ngokomzwelo kusenesikhathi kungadala izimo ezivumayo zokuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kubizwa nangokuthi ukulimala komama.
- Ukuzenyeza: Ukuntula ukuzethemba kukwenza uzwele kakhulu kumasu wokulinganisa/wokwehlisa inani.
- Ukuzwela okweqile: Ukuzwela okukhulu kwabanye kungaxhashazwa yi-narcissistic pervert ukuze avuse icala nokuzinikela ngokweqile.
- Izinkolelo ezikhawulela: Izinkolelo ezithile ngothando noma ubudlelwano zenza kube lula ukwamukela ukuziphatha okunobuthi.
Umthelela we-neurobiological wethonya kanye nokukhohlisa kwe-PN
Umthelela we-narcissistic pervert unemiphumela elinganisekayo ebuchosheni:
- Ukuphazanyiswa kwesistimu yokuklomelisa: Ukushintshashintsha phakathi kokulinganisa nokwenqatshwa kudala ukulutheka kwangempela ebudlelwaneni.
- I-Hyperactivation ye-amygdala: Isimo sezulu sokwesaba nokungavikeleki sigcina ingqondo isesimweni sokuqapha.
- Ukuphazamiseka kokukhiqizwa kwe-serotonin: Ukucindezeleka okungapheli kuphazamisa ukulawulwa kwemizwelo futhi kukhuthaze ukucindezeleka.
- Ukushoda kwe-Oxytocin: Ukungazinzi ngokomzwelo kuphazamisa ukugcinwa kwehomoni yokunamathisela.
Isixhumanisi sokuthonya kanye nokukhohlisa ku-Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Ithonya nokukhohlisa kuxhumene nesakhiwo sobuntu se-narcissistic pervert:
- Isidingo sokulawula: Umzwangedwa wokuba namandla onke uyamcindezela ukuba afune ukulawula yonke into eseduze kwakhe.
- Ukungabi nozwelo: Ukungakwazi ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zomunye kwenza kube lula ukuziphatha okukhohlisayo.
- Isicelo sokuqinisekisa kwangaphandle: Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokutuswa sicindezela i-narcissist ukuba alolonge omunye ngomfanekiso wakhe.
- Umbono wokuhlukaniswa kobudlelwane: Ukuthambekela kokucabanga bese ululaza abanye kubhebhezela umjikelezo wokulawula.
Ireferensi ye-bibliographic mayelana nethonya kanye nokukhohlisa
Nalu uhlu lwezikhombo zebhayibheli eziyisithupha zokuthonya nokukhohlisa:
- Cialdini, R.B. (2021). Ithonya, uhlelo olusha: Amandla okukholisa. Izinguqulo Zokuqala.
- Joule, R.-V., & Beauvois, J.-L. (2014). Imibhalo emincane yokukhohlisa ukuze kusetshenziswe abantu abathembekile. I-Press Universitaires de Grenoble.
- Guéguen, N. (2011). I-Psychology yokukhohlisa nokuhambisa. Dunod.
- Breton, P. (2000). Inkulumo eguquliwe. I-Discovery.
- Abgrall, J.-M. (2003). Imishini yamahlelo. I-Payot.
- Nazare-Aga, I. (2014). Abazenzisi baphakathi kwethu: Bangobani? Ungazivikela kanjani kukho? Les Éditions de l’Homme.
Le misebenzi ihlinzeka ngemibono eyahlukene mayelana nezinqubo zokuthonya kanye nokukhohlisa ezimweni ezehlukene zomphakathi nezengqondo.
Isiphetho
Sengiphetha, umthelela kanye nokuxhashazwa kwe-narcissistic pervert kusekelwe ezindleleni eziyinkimbinkimbi zengqondo. Ukuqonda lokhu kusebenza kusivumela ukuthi sibone kangcono izimo zokulawula futhi silinganise ubukhali bazo. Kwabesifazane abazisulu, lokhu kuqwashisa kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile, nakuba sibuhlungu, sokuzikhulula ethonyeni elinobuthi.
Ukulungele ukuvula ikhasi unomphela?
Iseshini yobuso nobuso noCristina iyisinyathelo esibalulekile: ukuqonda, ukuthatha isinyathelo, ukuqhubekela phambili. Ku-inthanethi, noma ngabe ukuphi. Iseshini yokuqeqesha yomuntu ngamunye ngevidiyo (Skype noma WhatsApp) — €100 ngeseshini.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.
Want to break free from this hold?
The Complete Narcissism Release (PDF book) and the Musc essential oil guide you step by step – at your own pace, at home.