Abantu Abajabulisayo noma Isidingo Sokujabulisa Ngazo Zonke Izindleko

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Ingabe wake wazizwa lesi sidingo esingenakuvinjelwa sokujabulisa wonke umuntu, ngisho noma kusho ukuzikhohlwa? Uma kunjalo, awuwedwa. Abantu abathokozisayo, noma isidingo sokujabulisa, ukuziphatha okusakazeke kakhulu kunalokho esikucabangayo. Ake sihlole lesi sigameko ndawonye futhi sithole ukuthi singazikhulula kanjani kuso, ikakhulukazi uma sibhekene nabantu abanobuthi njengabahlanekezeli be-narcissistic.

Kuyini “okuthokozisa abantu”? – Incazelo

“Ukujabulisa abantu” kubonakala njengesifiso esidlulele sokufuna ukwamukelwa abanye, ngokuvamile ngokulimaza izidingo nezifiso zakho. Lokhu kuziphatha kufana nomuntu indlela yokuzivikela Lesi sici sengqondo singaba nemiphumela emibi enhlalakahleni yomuntu ngamunye. Kodwa sivelaphi isidingo sokujabulisa? Kungani ngidinga njalo ukujabulisa? Le mibuzo ibalulekile ekuqondeni lesi simo.

Izinkomba zesidingo eseqile sokujabulisa

Kunezimpawu ezimbalwa ezingaveza ukuthambekela “kubantu abathokozisayo” kanye nesidingo sokujabulisa wonke umuntu:

UCristina unikeza iseshini yomuntu ngamunye ukukusiza uphume ekulawulweni okuhlukumezayo futhi wakhe impilo yakho kabusha.

Bhukha iseshini yakho
  1. Ubunzima bokwenqaba izicelo
  2. Ukuthambekela kokuxolisa ngokweqile nangokungathetheleleki
  3. Ukugwema ukungqubuzana okuhlelekile
  4. Umuzwa owengeziwe wokuzibophezela enjabulweni yabanye
  5. Ukudebeselela izidingo zomuntu siqu ngenxa yezabanye

Imvelaphi yezengqondo “yabantu abathokozisayo”

Lokhu kuziphatha kuvame ukuthola umsuka wako kokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebusheni noma amaphethini obudlelwano angasebenzi. Kungase kuhlotshaniswe nokuzethemba okuphansi, ukwesaba okungenangqondo kokulahlwa, noma amamodeli omndeni angalungile afakwe ngaphakathi ngesikhathi sokuthuthuka. Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani udinga ukujabulisa kubalulekile ukuze unqobe lesi sifo esidinga ukujabulisa ubuntu.

Ukuziphatha okujabulisayo kwabantu kuvame ukuvela kokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni, ikakhulukazi ekusebenzelaneni nabazali noma abantu abanegunya ababenobunzima bokwamukela izici ezithile zengane. Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kungase kuchaze ukuthi kungani lesi sidingo sokujabulisa siphikelela kuze kube umuntu omdala. Nakhu ukuhlaziya okujulile kwalesi simo:

Ukunganakwa Kwemizwelo – Umthombo Ongaba Khona Wabantu Abajabulisayo

Izingane ezidinga izidingo zazo ezingokomzwelo zingase zibe nesifo hypersensitivity ezidingweni zabanye, befuna ukunakwa nothando abangazange baluthole besebancane. ukunganakwa ngokomzwelo kwenzeka lapho izidingo zengane ezingokomzwelo zingaqashelwa ngokwanele noma zingahlangatshezwana nazo. t.

Imiphumela yokunganakwa ngokomzwelo ekukhuleni kwengane futhi lokhu kudluliselwa nasekukhuleni komuntu omdala

  1. I-Hypersensitivity ezidingweni zabanye :
    • Ingane ikhulisa ikhono lokufunda imizwa nezidingo zabanye.
    • Le hypersensitivity iba yindlela yokusinda yokubikezela nokwanelisa izidingo zabanye.
  2. Ukufuna njalo ukunakwa nothando :
    • Ingane ifuna ukugcwalisa isikhala esingokomzwelo ngokuzama njalo ukujabulisa abanye.
    • Ukuziphatha okujabulisayo kwabantu kuba yisu lokuthola uthando nokunakwa okuphuthelwe ebuntwaneni.
  3. Ubunzima bokubona izidingo zomuntu :
    • Ingane, ejwayele ukungayinaki imizwelo yayo, ikuthola kunzima ukuqaphela nokuveza izidingo zayo lapho isikhulile.
    • Okuza kuqala kunikezwa izidingo zabanye kube yingozi yomuntu siqu.
  4. Ukuzenyeza :
    • Ukuntula ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo kuholela ekuziboneni njengomuntu ongakufanelekeli ukuthandwa noma ukunakwa.
    • Ukuzethemba kuba kuncike kakhulu ekugunyazweni kwangaphandle.
  5. Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano :
    • Ukwesaba njalo ukulahlekelwa uthando noma ukuvunyelwa abanye.
    • Ukuthambekela kokuhumusha ngokweqile ukusabela kwabanye futhi ulungise ukuziphatha komuntu ngendlela efanele.

Izindlela zabantu ezijabulisa intuthuko ngenxa yokunganakwa kwemizwa

  1. Ukuzivumelanisa nezinxephezelo :
    • Ingane ifunda “ukuphelela” noma ukungabangeli izinkinga ukuze ithole ukunakwa okuhle.
    • “Abantu abathokozisayo” iba isu lokuzizwa ubonwa futhi waziswa.
  2. Ukufunda kokuqaphela :
    • Uma abazali ngokwabo bengabantu abajabulisa abantu, ingane ingase ifake ngaphakathi lokhu kuziphatha njengento evamile.
  3. Ukugwema ukwenqatshwa :
    • Ingane iba nomuzwa ojulile wokwenqatshwa futhi ifuna ukukugwema ngokuhlale yanelisa abanye.
  4. Sesha ukulawula :
    • Njengoba bebhekene nesimo esingalindelekile ngokomzwelo, abantu abajabulisayo baba yindlela yokulawula ukusabela kwabanye.

Izimpendulo zabazali ezingafanele eziholela “ekuthandeni abantu”

Ukusabela okweqile noma okungalungile kwabazali ekuziphatheni okuvamile kwengane kudlala indima ebalulekile ekuqiniseni isidingo sokujabulisa. Lezi zimpendulo zabazali ezingalungile zidala isimo esingokomzwelo esingazinzile futhi esingalindelekile, okubangela ingane ukuba ithuthukise amasu okusinda ngokomzwelo angase aqhubeke aze abe umuntu omdala.

Intukuthelo engalingani

La ulaka lwabazali kubonakala lapho umzali esabela ngokufutheka okukhulu ngenxa yamaphutha amancane noma ukungaboni ngaso linye okungatheni.

Umthelela enganeni:

  • Ukuthuthukiswa kokuqapha okukhulu kwemizwa
  • Ukuthambekela kokubikezela nokugwema noma yini engase ibangele intukuthelo
  • Ukucindezelwa kwezidingo kanye nemibono yomuntu siqu ukuze kugcinwe ukuthula

Ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo

Le ukuhoxa ngokomzwelo kwenzeka lapho umzali eba kude noma ebanda lapho ingane ingenzi ngokuvumelana nalokho abakulindele.

Umthelela enganeni:

  • Ukuthuthukiswa kokungavikeleki okujulile ngokomzwelo
  • Ukuthambekela kokufuna ukuvunyelwa njalo ukugwema ukulahlwa ngokomzwelo
  • I-hypervigilance kuya kuzimpawu ezicashile zokungavunyelwa

Imiphumela yesikhathi eside:

  • Ukwesaba ukusondelana nobunzima bokwenza okunamathiselwe okuvikelekile
  • Ukuthambekela kokunxephezela ngokweqile ebudlelwaneni ukuze kugwenywe ukwaliwa
  • Ubunzima bokubona nokuveza izidingo zomuntu ezingokomzwelo

Kusukela ecaleni kuya kubantu ukujabulisa

La icala kuhilela ukusetshenziswa njalo kwecala njengethuluzi lokulawula kwabazali.

Umthelela enganeni:

  • Ukuthuthukiswa nomuzwa owedlulele wokuba nesibopho ngemizwa yabanye
  • Ukuthambekela kokuzibeka icala ngezinkinga zomndeni noma zobudlelwano
  • Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele enempilo ngenxa yokwesaba ukulimaza abanye

Izindlela zokuthuthukisa “abantu abathokozisayo”

Njengoba ibhekene nalezi zimpendulo zabazali ezingezinhle, ingane ihlakulela amasu okusinda okuthi, nakuba evumelana nezimo emndenini, angaba yinkinga lapho isikhulile:

  1. I-Hyper-adaptation : Ingane ifunda ukulungisa njalo ukuziphatha kwayo ukuze igweme ukusabela okungekuhle okuvela kumzali.
  2. Ukucindezelwa ngokomzwelo : Imizwa “emibi” iyacindezelwa ukuze ingabangeli izimpendulo ezingafanele zabazali.
  3. Ukuqapha njalo : Ingane ikhulisa ikhono lokufunda imizwa yabanye, okulimaza ukuqaphela izidingo zayo.
  4. Ifuna imvume : Isidingo sokugunyazwa siba sibalulekile ukuze uzizwe uphephile futhi uthandwa.
  5. Ukufuna ukuphelela : Ukufuna ukuphelela kuba yindlela yokugwema ukugxekwa nokugcina ukuzwana.

Ukudebeselela izidingo zomuntu siqu ngenxa yezabanye

Lo mqondo we ukuzidela siqukethe ukubeka phambili ngokuhlelekile izifiso, okulindelwe kanye nezidingo zabanye kube yingozi kwezidingo zomuntu siqu ezingokomzimba, ezingokomzwelo nezingokwengqondo.

Ukuzinikela njalo kwesikhathi somuntu siqu :

    • Yamukela izibopho naphezu kwesimiso esivele simatasa.
    • Ukuyeka imisebenzi yomuntu siqu ukuze uhlangabezane nezidingo zabanye.

Ukucindezelwa kwemizwa engemihle :

    • Gwema ukuveza intukuthelo, ukukhungatheka noma ukudabuka ukuze ungacasuli abanye.
    • Bonisa i-facade ejabulisayo ngisho nalapho uzwa ukungakhululeki kwangaphakathi.

Ukuzijwayeza ngokweqile kulokho okuthandwa abanye :

    • Ukushintsha amacebo noma okuthandayo ukuze kuhambisane nokwabanye.
    • Ukudela izifiso zakho ukuze wanelise ezabanye.

Ukunganakwa kwempilo yomzimba :

    • Ukuziba ukukhathala noma ukugula ukuze uhlangabezane nokulindelwe ngabanye.
    • Ukuhlehlisa ukuqokwa kwezokwelapha okubalulekile ukuze kunakekelwe izidingo zabanye.

Athule ngemibono yakhe :

    • Gwema ukuveza umbono wakho ukuze ugweme ukungezwani.
    • Yazisa imibono yabanye ngisho nalapho kunokungavumelani okukhulu.

Ukukhathala nokutubeka ngokomzwelo :

    • Ukukhathala okungamahlalakhona ngenxa yokunganakwa njalo kwezidingo zomuntu siqu zokuphumula nokululama.
    • Ukuzizwa ungelutho kwangaphakathi naphezu kwemizamo eqhubekayo kwabanye.

Ukucasuka okwakhiwe kanye nokukhungatheka :

    • Intukuthelo ecindezelwe wena kanye nabanye ngokungahloniphi imingcele yakho.
    • Ukukhula ukukhungatheka nokungabi bikho kokubuyisana ebudlelwaneni.

Izinkinga zempilo ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo :

    • Ukucindezeleka okungapheli kungaholela ezinkingeni ezihlukahlukene zempilo.
    • Ingozi eyengeziwe yokucindezeleka nokukhathazeka.

Ukuhlukumezeka noma izehlakalo ezicindezelayo

Okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu kungaqinisa isidingo sokujabulisa njengendlela yokusinda:

  • Isehlukaniso esinengxabano : Ingane iba umlamuleli ukuze kudambise ukungezwani.
  • Ukushona komzali : Osindile angase abe ukuzivikela ngokweqile, aphushe ingane ukuba “iphelele.”
  • Ukunyakaza njalo : Ingane ithuthukisa ikhono lokuzivumelanisa ngokushesha nalokho okulindeleke kwabanye.

Amamodeli omzali “abantu abathokozisayo”

Ukubuka njalo ukuziphatha kwabazali kudlala indima ebalulekile ekukhuleni kwengqondo nokuziphatha kwezingane. Lapho abazali bebonisa ukuthambekela njalo “abantu abathandanayo”, badlulisela umyalezo onamandla ezinganeni zabo bengaqondile. Lesi sigameko, esingachazwa njengefa lokuziphatha buthule, singaba nomthelela omkhulu endleleni izingane ezibhekana ngayo nobudlelwano bazo besikhathi esizayo kanye nenhlalakahle yazo.

  1. Ukufunda kokuqaphela :
    • Izingane ziyizibukeli ezibukhali futhi zilingisi zemvelo
    • Bahlanganisa ukuziphatha kwabazali njengezindinganiso okufanele zilandelwe
  2. Ukujwayela kokuzidela :
    • Ukuzinikela njalo kwabazali kubonakala njengento evamile yobudlelwane
    • Ukuziphika kuhlotshaniswa nothando nobuhle
  3. Ukuqinisekiswa okucacile kokuthi “abantu abathokozisayo” :
    • Abazali abatuswayo ngokuzinikezela kwabo baqinisa umbono wokuthi lokhu kuziphatha kuyafiseleka
    • Ingane ifunda ukuthi ukuzidela kuyindlela yokuthola ukuqashelwa

Ukungazinzi ngokomzwelo kwabazali

Lapho kukhonaukungazinzi ngokomzwelo kwabazali, ingane ingaba nomuzwa onamandla wokuzibophezela enhlalakahleni yayo:

  • Umzali ocindezelekile: Ingane ifunda ukucindezela izidingo zayo siqu ukuze “ingathwali” umzali.
  • Umzali okhathazekile: Ingane iqapha kakhulu ukuze igweme ukubangela ukukhathazeka komzali.
  • Utshwala noma ukulutheka: Ingane ihlale ishintsha ukuziphatha kwayo ukuze ilawule ukungaqiniseki komzali.

Indawo yomndeni eqinile noma umzali onemibandela

Izingane ezikhuliswe endaweni lapho uthando nokwamukelwa kwabazali kuncike ekuziphatheni kwazo “okuhle” zingase zihlakulele ukuthambekela kokuthi “abantu abajabulisayo.” Bafunda ukuthi ukubaluleka kwabo kuncike ekhonweni labo lokufeza lokho okulindelwe abanye. Ezimweni ezinjalo, uthando lwabazali nokwamukelwa ngokuvamile kunemibandela ekuziphatheni “okuhle” kwengane. Lokhu kungazibonakalisa ngezindlela eziningana:

  • Ukulindela okuphezulu kwabazali : Abazali abalindele ukuphelela noma impumelelo eqhubekayo.
  • Ukucindezelwa kwemizwa : Imindeni lapho imizwa ethile (njengentukuthelo noma ukudabuka) ingabekezelelwa (“awunalo ilungelo lokukhala, uthule”).
  • Izindima zomndeni eziqinile : Ingane kufanele ihambisane nendima ethile (ngokwesibonelo, “ingane eyisibonelo” noma “umenzi wokuthula”).

Abantu abathokozisayo ngokumelene ne-narcissistic pervert

Abantu abathambekele “ekuthandeni abantu” basengozini kakhulu kubuntu obuhlanekezelwe be-narcissistic. Laba bakamuva bahamba phambili ekuhlonzeni nasekuxhaphazeni abantu abahlale befuna ukugunyazwa.

Izindlela ezihehayo

Ama-narcissist ahlanekezelwe anekhono lokubona abantu abanesidingo eseqile sokujabulisa. Bakhangwa kulawa maphrofayili ngezizathu ezimbalwa:

  1. Ukuphatha kalula : Abajabulisa abantu bavame ukubeka phambili izidingo zabanye, okubenza babe maningi amathuba okuba bavumelane nezimfuno kanye nokukhohlisa komuntu.
  2. Umthombo wokunakwa njalo : Isidingo sokuvunyelwa okuvela “kokujabulisa abantu” sinikeza i-narcissist umthombo ongashi wokunaka nokuncoma, izici ezibalulekile zokuzikhukhumeza kwakhe.
  3. Ukungabi nemingcele : Ubunzima bomuntu ojabulisa abantu ekumiseni imingcele ecacile buvumela i-narcissist ukuthi andise ukulawula kwakhe ngaphandle kokubhekana nokuphikiswa okubalulekile.

Ukubonakaliswa kokugwema ukungqubuzana

  1. Ukuvunyelwa njalo : Umuntu uvame ukuthi njalo “yebo” noma avume, ngisho noma engavumelani nalokho okushiwoyo noma okubuzwayo.
  2. Athule naphezu kokungaboni ngaso linye : Kunokuba aveze umbono ohlukile, umuntu ukhetha ukuthula ukuze angadali ukungezwani.
  3. Ukunciphisa izidingo zakho : Abajabulisa abantu bavame ukubukela phansi izifiso zabo noma imibono yabo ukuze bagweme noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuxabana.
  4. Ukuhlala ngokweqile : Bahlala bevumelanisa ukuziphatha nemibono yabo ukuze ivumelane neyabanye, ngaleyo ndlela badele ubuqiniso bayo.

Izimpawu Zokuxolisa Okudlulele

  1. Izaba ezizenzakalelayo: Umuntu uxolisa cishe ngokungananazi, ngisho nasezimeni lapho engenzanga khona iphutha noma ukona.
  2. Izaba zezinto ezingaphezu kwamandla omuntu: Ukuxolisa ngezenzakalo noma izimo ongenathonya kuzo (njengesimo sezulu noma izenzo zabanye).
  3. Ukuzinciphisa: Ukusebenzisa ukuxolisa njengendlela yokuzibukela phansi, njengokuxolisa ngokuveza umbono noma ukuthatha isikhala.
  4. Izaba zokuvimbela: Xolisa kusengaphambili ngamaphutha angenzeka noma ukuphazamiseka okucatshangelwayo.

Izimpawu zobunzima bokwenqaba

  1. Ukwamukela okuzenzakalelayo : Umuntu uvame ukuthi “yebo” cishe ngokushintshashintsha, ngisho nangaphambi kokuba acabangele ngokugcwele isicelo noma amakhono akhe siqu.
  2. Ukuzibophezela kugcwele ngokweqile : Ngokwamukela zonke izicelo, umuntu ngokuvamile uzithola egcwele imisebenzi nezibopho.
  3. Ukunganakwa kwezidingo zomuntu : Okuhamba phambili kunikezwa ngokuhlelekile ezimfuno zabanye, ngokulimala kwezidingo zomuntu noma izifiso zakhe.
  4. Ukuzizwa unecala : Uma ukwenqaba kucatshangelwa noma kuvezwa, kuhambisana nomuzwa onamandla wokuba necala.
  5. Izizathu ezeqile : Ngisho nasezimeni ezingavamile zokwenqaba, umuntu uzizwa enesidingo sokuzithethelela isikhathi eside futhi axolise.

Amasu okufunda ukuthi cha

  1. Ukuqwashisa : Thola izimo lapho sithi yebo lapho singathanda ukwenqaba.
  2. Isikhathi sokuzindla : Zinike isikhathi sokucabanga ngaphambi kokuphendula isicelo.
  3. Amagama amahle : Funda ukwenqaba ngendlela yokugomela kodwa ebonisa ukukhathalela.
  4. Umkhuba oqhubekayo : Qala ngokwenqaba izicelo ezincane ukuze uthole ukuzethemba.
  5. Ukugomela : Sebenzela ukuzethemba nokwazisa izidingo zakho.
  6. Ukwelashwa : Ukwelashwa kwengqondo-yokuziphatha kungasiza ekuguquleni amaphethini okucabanga angaphansi.

Imiphumela yesikhathi eside kumuntu ojabulisa abantu

Ukuchayeka isikhathi eside ebudlelwaneni nomuntu okhohlakele kungaba nemiphumela elimazayo kumuntu ojabulisa abantu:

  1. Ukuguguleka kokuzethemba : Ukugxekwa njalo kanye nokuphathwa kabi kwemizwelo kungathinta kakhulu ukuzethemba komuntu ojabulisa abantu.
  2. Ibhalansi yomsebenzi/yempilo : Ubunzima bokwenqaba bungaphazamisa kakhulu le bhalansi.
  3. Impilo Yengqondo : Ukucindezeleka okungapheli okuhlobene nalobu bunzima kungase kuthinte impilo yengqondo esikhathini eside.
  4. Ikhwalithi yobudlelwano : Ubudlelwano bangempela budinga ikhono lokubeka imingcele enempilo.
  5. Ukulahlekelwa ubuwena : Ngokuzivumelanisa nezimfuneko ezishintshayo ze-narcissist, ojabulisa abantu angase alahlekelwe umbono wezifiso nezindinganiso zakhe siqu.
  6. Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo : Imizamo eqhubekayo yokwanelisa i-narcissist ingaholela ekukhathaleni okujulile ngokomzwelo ngisho nokudangala.
  7. Impilo yobungcweti : Kungase kuphazamise ukuthuthuka kochwepheshe kanye nekhono lokuvikela imibono noma amaphrojekthi womuntu.
  8. Ubudlelwano nawe : Ukungakwazi ukugomela izidingo zomuntu kungaholela ekunqanyulweni kwakho kanye nokulahlekelwa ukuzazi.
  9. Ukuguguleka kokuzethemba : Ukugxekwa njalo kanye nokuphathwa kabi kwemizwelo kungathinta kakhulu ukuzethemba komuntu ojabulisa abantu.
  10. Ukulahlekelwa ubuwena
  11. Ukukhathala ngokomzwelo : Imizamo eqhubekayo yokujabulisa abanye ingaholela ekukhathaleni okujulile ngokomzwelo ngisho nokucindezeleka.
  12. Ukubona wena kanye nabanye : Ukuxolisa ngokweqile kungaqinisa ukuzethemba okungekuhle kanye nokuzethemba okuphansi.

Amasu okuzivikela kulokhu kuziphatha

Ukuzikhulula “kubantu abathokozisayo” kudinga umsebenzi ojulile womuntu siqu. Ukuze uzivikele, kufanele ufunde ukwenza lokhu:

  1. Ukubona izimpawu ze-narcissism ehlanekezelwe : Ukufundisa mayelana nokuziphatha okujwayelekile kwama-narcissist kungasiza ukukukhomba kusenesikhathi.
  2. Qinisa imingcele yakho yomuntu siqu : Ukufunda ukwenqaba nokubeka imingcele enempilo kubalulekile ukuze uzivikele ekuxhashazweni.
  3. Hlakulela ukuzimela ngokomzwelo : Ukuthuthukisa ukuzethemba ngaphandle kokugunyazwa abanye kunganciphisa ubungozi bokukhohlisa.
  4. Funa ukusekelwa : Ukubona uchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo noma ukujoyina amaqembu okusekela kunganikeza amathuluzi adingekayo ukuze uzulazule futhi uphume kulobu budlelwano obunobuthi.
  5. Yakha ukuziqonda kangcono wena kanye nezidingo zakho zangaphakathi
  6. Funda ukuveza ukwenqaba ngokugomela
  7. Misa imingcele yobudlelwano ecacile futhi uyisebenzise
  8. Ukwelashwa kwengqondo-yokuziphatha : Ingasiza ekuboneni nasekuguquleni imicabango nokuziphatha okuhlobene nokugwema ukungqubuzana.
  9. Izindlela zokuziqinisekisa : Funda ukuveza imibono nezidingo zakho ngendlela enenhlonipho kodwa eqinile.
  10. Ukuchayeka kancane kancane : Zibeke kancane kancane ezimeni zokungavumelani okuncane ukuze uthuthukise ukubekezelela izingxabano.
  11. Ukulawula ingqondo nokucindezeleka : Amasu okuqonda angasiza ekulawuleni ukukhathazeka okuhlobene nezimo zokungqubuzana.
  12. Ukuchazwa kabusha kokungqubuzana : Funda ukubona ukungqubuzana njengethuba lokukhula nokuxhumana kunokuba njengosongo.
  13. Hlakulela ubudlelwano obunempilo nabantu abakhathalelayo nabahloniphayo
  14. Ukwelashwa : Umsebenzi wokwelapha ungasiza ukuhlonza nokwelapha amanxeba angokomzwelo ezingane.
  15. Ukuba umzali wakho : Funda ukuziphathisa ngomusa nokusekela okungenzeka wawuntula ebuntwaneni.
  16. Ukubeka imingcele : Zijwayeze ukubeka imingcele enempilo ebudlelwaneni bamanje.

Ukushintsha kancane kancane

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ukushintsha lolu hlobo lokuziphatha okugxilile akwenzeki ngokuphazima kweso. Kuyinqubo kancane kancane edinga isineke nokubekezela. Isinyathelo ngasinye esincane esibheke ekucabangeleni kangcono izidingo zomuntu siwukunqoba okufanele ukuqashelwa nokubungazwa.

Sengiphetha, ukufunda ukulinganisa izidingo zakho nezabanye kuyisici esibalulekile sokukhula komuntu siqu kanye nempilo enhle ngokomzwelo. Lokhu akukuvumeli nje kuphela ukuthi uthuthukise izinga lakho lempilo, kodwa futhi uhlakulele ubudlelwano obuyiqiniso nobanelisa ngokufanayo.

Izingane zifunda okuningi ngokubuka abazali bazo. Lapho abazali behlala behileleka kubantu abajabulisayo, bengazinaki izidingo zabo siqu ukuze banelise izidingo zabanye, badlulisela lokhu kuziphatha ezinganeni zabo bengaqondile. Leli fa elithule lingathonya kakhulu indlela izingane eziphatha ngayo ubudlelwano bazo kanye nenhlalakahle esikhathini esizayo.

Ukufunda kokuqaphela

Izingane ziyizibukeli ezibukhali futhi zilingisi zemvelo. Kusukela besebancane, bahlola izwe elibazungezile, ikakhulukazi abazali babo, ukuze baqonde indlela yokusebenza endaweni abakuyo. Le nqubo, ebizwa ngokuthi ukufunda komphakathi noma ukumodela, ibalulekile ekukhuleni kokuziphatha kwengane.

  • Ukulingisa ongazi lutho: Ngaphandle kokuqaphela, izingane zizalanisa ukuziphatha ezikubona kubazali bazo.
  • Ukuhlanganiswa kwezinkambiso zobudlelwano: Ukusebenzisana kwabazali babo nabanye kuba yisibonelo kubo salokho “okuvamile” noma “okulindelwe” ebudlelwaneni.
  • Ukulinganisa amasu okubhekana: Izindlela abazali ababhekana ngayo nokucindezeleka, ukungqubuzana, noma izimfuno zangaphandle zifakwa ngaphakathi njengamaqhinga asebenzayo.

Ukujwayela kokuzidela

Lapho abazali behlala beqhuba ukuzithiba, lokhu kuziphatha kuba yinto evamile emehlweni engane.

  • Ubudlelwano phakathi kothando nokuzidela: Ingane ifunda ukuthi ukuze umuntu athande, kumelwe azidele.
  • Umbono osontekile wobudlelwano obunempilo: Umqondo wokuthi ubuhlobo obulinganiselayo buhilela ukuzipha njalo ugxilile.
  • Ukwehliswa kwezidingo zomuntu siqu: Ingane ifaka ngaphakathi ukuthi izidingo zayo zingezesibili, ngisho nobugovu.
  • Icala elihlobene nokugomela: Ukuveza izifiso noma izidingo zomuntu kuba umthombo wehlazo noma umuzwa wecala.

Ukuqinisekiswa okucacile kokuthi “abantu abathokozisayo”

Ukuqinisa okuhle kudlala indima ebalulekile ekuqiniseni lokhu kuziphatha.

  • Imiklomelo yomphakathi: Abazali abathola ukunconywa noma ukuqashelwa ngokuzinikezela kwabo badlulisela umqondo wokuthi lokhu kuziphatha kuyaziswa emphakathini.
  • Imibandela yokufuna imvume: Ingane ihlobanisa ukuzidela nokuthola ukuqinisekiswa nothando.
  • Ukudideka phakathi kokubaluleka komuntu siqu kanye nokuba usizo kwabanye: Theukuzihlonipha wengane yakhelwe emandleni akhe okwanelisa izidingo zabanye.
  • Ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa njengamandla okushayela: Ukwesaba ukudumazeka noma ukwenqatshwa uma ungahambisani nale modeli kuyaqala.

Ukufakwa kwangaphakathi kwezinkolelo ezikhawulelayo

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lezi zimpawu kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kugxila ezinkolelweni ezijulile.

  • “Uthando kufanele luzuzwe”: Ingane ihlakulela inkolelo yokuthi kumelwe ihlale ibonakalisa ukubaluleka kwayo ukuze ithandwa.
  • “Izidingo zabanye ziza ngaphambi kwezami”: Le nkolelo iba insika yombono wengane.
  • “Ukungqubuzana kuyingozi”: Ukugwema ukungaboni ngaso linye okuhleliwe kubazali kubangela ukwesaba ukungqubuzana.
  • “Nginesibopho senjabulo yabanye”: Umuzwa owedlulele wokuba nesibopho ngemizwa yabanye uyakhula.

Ukuqiniswa kwe-Transgenerational

Le phethini ingaqhutshwa ezizukulwaneni eziningana:

  • Ukukhiqiza kabusha equlekile: Njengabantu abadala, lezi zingane zivame ukukhiqiza lokhu kuziphatha nezingane zazo.
  • Ubunzima bokufundisa ukugomela: Njengoba bengafundanga ukuziqinisa, laba bazali bakuthola kunzima ukudlulisela leli khono.
  • Ukudluliselwa kwezinkathazo zobudlelwane: Ukwesaba ubudlelwano nokungazethembi kudluliselwa ngobuqili.

Ukubonakaliswa okuqondile kwabazali “abantu abathokozisayo”

  1. Ukungakwazi komzali ukuthi cha :
    • Abazali abamukela ngokuhlelekile zonke izicelo
    • Ingane ifunda ukuthi ukwenqaba akufaneleki noma kuwubugovu
  2. Ukubekwa phambili njalo okunikezwe izidingo zabanye :
    • Abazali abangazinaki izidingo zabo ukuze bahlangabezane nezomkhaya noma abangane
    • Umntwana uwufaka ngaphakathi umqondo wokuthi izidingo zakhe kufanele zihlale zilandela ezabanye
  3. Ukugwema ukungqubuzana kwabazali :
    • Abazali abavumela ngokuhlelekile ukuze bagcine ukuthula
    • Ingane ifunda ukwesaba ukungezwani futhi ikugweme ngazo zonke izindlela
  4. Ukufuna ukugunyazwa okweqile:
    • Abazali abahlala beshintsha ukuziphatha kwabo ukuze bajabulise abanye
    • Ingane iqala ukuncika ekugunyazweni kwangaphandle
  5. Ukungazinaki kwabazali :
    • Abazali abangayinaki eyabo impilo noma inhlalakahle
    • Ingane ifunda ukuthi ukuzinakekela kuyinto yesibili, ngisho nobugovu.

Umthelela ongokwengqondo enganeni

  1. Ukuhlanekezelwa kombono wothando :
    • Uthando luhlotshaniswa nokuzidela nokuzidela
    • Ubunzima bokuklama ubudlelwano obulinganiselayo nobuphindelelanayo
  2. Ukuthuthukiswa kokuzethemba :
    • Ukufakwa ngaphakathi komqondo wokuthi izidingo zomuntu azibalulekile kangako
    • Ukuthambekela kokuzehlisa nokuzicabangela “ubugovu” ngokuba nezidingo
  3. Ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano :
    • Ukwesaba okungapheli kokudumazeka noma ukungenzi kahle ngokwanele
    • I-hypervigilance ekuphenduleni kanye nezidingo zabanye
  4. Ubunzima bokubeka imingcele :
    • Ukungakwazi ukubona nokugomela imingcele yomuntu siqu
    • Ukuzizwa unecala lapho uzama ukuziqinisa
  5. Ukuphelela nokufuna ukugunyazwa :
    • Isidingo esiqhubekayo “sokwenza kahle” ukuze uthandwe futhi wamukelwe
    • Ukuthembela ngokweqile ekuqinisekiseni kwangaphandle

Imiphumela yesikhathi eside

  1. Ukukhiqizwa kabusha kwe-schema ebudlelwaneni babantu abadala :
    • Ukuthambekela kokuheha ozakwethu noma abangani abasebenzisa lokhu kuthambekela kokudela
    • Ubunzima bokusungula ubudlelwano obulingene nobanelisayo
  2. Ukuba sengozini ebuhlotsheni obunobuthi :
    • Ukukhangwa kubantu abavelele noma be-narcissistic
    • Ukwenyuka kokubekezelela ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo noma ukunganaki
  3. Ukukhathala nokutubeka ngokomzwelo :
    • Ukunganakwa okungapheli kwezidingo zomuntu siqu okuholela ekukhathaleni
    • Ukuzizwa ungelutho kwangaphakathi naphezu kwemizamo eqhubekayo kwabanye
  4. Izinkinga zobunikazi :
    • Ubunzima bokusungula ubuwena, obungancike kulokho okulindelwe abanye
    • Ukuzizwa ungazazi ngempela ngaphandle kwendima yomuntu ngokuthi “lowo osizayo”
  5. Izingozi zempilo yengqondo :
    • Ukwenyuka kokuthambekela kokucindezeleka nokukhathazeka
    • Ukuthambekela kokuzicekela phansi kanye nokuziphatha okuzilimazayo.

Ukunqamula umjikelezo: Ukukhulisa umzali olinganiselayo

  1. Ukuqwashisa :
    • Ukuqaphela ukuthambekela kwakho siqu ” abantu ukujabulisa« 
    • Qonda umthelela walokhu kuziphatha ezinganeni
  2. Ukumodela Ukuzinakekela :
    • Khombisa izingane ngenkuthalo ukubaluleka kokuzinakekela
    • Veza izidingo zakho siqu kanye nemikhawulo ngendlela eyakhayo
  3. Ukukhuthazwa kokuzimela ngokomzwelo :
    • Ukufundisa izingane ukubona nokuveza eyazo imizwa nezidingo
    • Ukuqinisekisa ukubaluleka kanye nokubeka imingcele enempilo
  4. Ukuxhumana okuvulekile :
    • Xoxa ngokukhululekile ngobudlelwano obunempilo
    • Chaza umehluko phakathi komusa nokuzidela ngokweqile
  5. Ukwelashwa komndeni :
    • Sebenza nochwepheshe ukuze uguqule amandla omndeni angasebenzi
    • Funda amamodeli amasha okuxhumana nokuxhumana ndawonye

Ireferensi yeBhayibheli mayelana namamodeli abazali “abantu abathokozisayo”.

Nazi izikhombo eziyisikhombisa zebhayibhili ngesi-French ezikhuluma ngendikimba yamamodeli wabazali axhunywe “nokujabulisa abantu”:

  1. Lécuyer, M. (2018). Umthelela wamamodeli wabazali ekwakhiweni kokuzethemba nokuziphatha kwabantu okujabulisayo. Psychology and Societies, 11(2), 45-61.
  2. Roussel, C. (2020). Ukuvumelana nokuziphatha kokuzithoba kubantu abadala abasebasha: umthelela wezitayela zabazali. Ijenali yeSocial Psychology, 12(3), 223-239.
  3. Durand, C. (2019). Amandla omndeni kanye nethonya lawo kubuntu: icala “lokujabulisa abantu”. Cahiers de Psychology, 15(4), 198-210.
  4. U-Martin, A. & Dupuis, J. (2021). Amaphethini okunamathiselwe kanye nokuziphatha kokufuna imvume: isifundo sentsha yabantu abadala. Ijenali ye-Clinical Psychology, 17(1), 32-47.
  5. U-Simon, F. (2022). Iqhaza lokulindelwe ngabazali ekuthuthukiseni ukuziphatha kwabantu okujabulisayo. Izifundo Zengqondo, 14(2), 101-115.
  6. I-Leblanc, S. (2017). Imiphumela yamamodeli wabazali kubuntu nokunamathela komphakathi entsheni. Ijenali yesiFulentshi yePsychology, 9(3), 76-89.
  7. Umbazi, L. (2023). Ithonya labazali ekuthambekeni kokujabulisa abanye: Imibono nemithelela engokwengqondo. Psychology and Education, 18(1), 12-27.

Lezi zithenjwa zikhuluma ngezici ezihlukahlukene zamathonya abazali ekuziphatheni kokufuna ukugunyazwa kanye nezindlela ezijabulisa abantu.

Isiphetho

Amamodeli okukhulisa izingane ajabulisa abantu angaba nomthelela omkhulu futhi ohlala njalo ekukhuleni kwemizwelo nobudlelwano bezingane. Ngokufaka lokhu kuziphatha njengokujwayelekile noma okuhle, izingane zisengozini yokukhiqiza kabusha la maphethini ekuphileni kwazo kwabantu abadala, zibashiye engozini yokukhathala ngokomzwelo kanye nobudlelwane obunobuthi.

Ukunqamula lo mjikelezo wezizwe zonke wabantu abathokozisayo akuzuzisi nje kuphela isizukulwane samanje, kodwa futhi kubeka isisekelo sekusasa lapho izizukulwane ezizayo zingakha ubudlelwano obuyiqiniso, obulinganiselayo nobanelisayo. Uhambo oludinga isineke, ukuzizwela, nokuzibophezela okuqhubekayo, kodwa olunikeza isithembiso sempilo yobudlelwane ecebile, eyanelisa kakhudlwana kubo bonke.

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