Izinkulumo ezihlekisayo: “Uzwela kakhulu,” “Awunawo amahlaya”… amazwi abhubhisayo

“Uzwela kakhulu.” “Awunawo nhlobo umqondo wokuhleka.” “Nakulokhu futhi, uyeqisa.” Uma kuthathwa ngokwawo, lawa magama abonakala engenangozi. Uma ephindaphindwa kaningi ngesonto, izinyanga noma iminyaka, agcina edweba isithombe esingamanga engqondweni yakho: esomuntu obuthakathaka, oyinkimbinkimbi, ongakaze abe muhle ngokwanele.

Lesi yisimiso sokwehlisa isithunzi ebudlelwaneni nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza. Akushayi kakhulu, kushaya kaningi. Yingakho kunzima kangaka ukuhlonza, bese usho igama.

Kulesi sihloko, uzofunda ukuqaphela izinhlobo ezivame kakhulu zokwehlisa isithunzi, uqonde ukuthi zikhiqiza ini kuwe, futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, uthole izindlela eziqondile zokuzivikela.

Kuyini ukwehla kwenani lobudlelwano?

Ukwehlisa isithunzi kuhlanganisa wonke amazwi, izimo zengqondo, kanye nokuthula okuhlose ukunciphisa ukuzethemba komuntu. Ebudlelwaneni obuhle, kuyinto evamile ukulimazana ngengozi. Siyaqaphela, sixolise, futhi silungise izinto. Ebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo, ukwehlisa isithunzi kuba yinto ehlelekile: akupheli, kuhlala kuqondiswe kumuntu ofanayo, futhi akuholeli ekuxolelaneni kwangempela.

Udokotela wezifo zengqondo uMarie-France Hirigoyen, owasakaza umqondo wokuzikhukhumeza eFrance ngencwadi yakhe Ukuhlukunyezwa kokuziphatha: ubudlova obuhlanekezelwe nsuku zonke (1998) uchaza kahle kakhulu le ndlela: umhlaseli akahlaseli lokho okwenzayo, kodwa ukuthi ungubani. Akasho ukuthi “lesi sidlo sinosawoti kakhulu”, uthi “awukwazi ukwenza lutho kahle”.

Abacwaningi abafunda ngobudlova bengqondo emibhangqwaneni bayichaza njengendlela ehlukile yokuhlukumeza, enemiphumela yayo ethile empilweni yengqondo, ngisho noma kungekho ubudlova obungokomzimba. Ucwaningo olushicilelwe ku- Udlame kanye Nezisulu (Karakurt and Silver, 2013) Ilinganisa ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo kuzo zonke izici eziningana, okuhlanganisa ukuzihlukanisa kanye nokululazeka (ukululazwa, ukuhlazeka), futhi ikhombisa ukuthi kuthinta kokubili abesifazane nabesilisa.

Uma ufuna ukuqonda kangcono isimo sengqondo esiphakeme esivame ukuhambisana nalezi ziphawulo, funda nesihloko sethu ku- ukuziphatha okuhlambalazayo.

Imisho ebhubhisayo: indlela yokuyibona

Ukuhlambalaza akuvamile ukuba sesimweni sokuthuka okuqondile. Kucasha ngemuva kokuhlekisa, “ukukhuluma iqiniso,” noma ngisho nokukhathalela. Nazi izinhlobo ezivame kakhulu zemisho esetshenziswayo.

1. Amazwi mayelana nokuzwela kwakho

“Uzwela kakhulu,” “Uthatha konke ngendlela engafanele,” “Awukwazi ukusho lutho kuwe.” Lawa magama asebenza ngenhloso ethile: ukuguqula impendulo yakho efanele ibe yinkinga. Akuseyona inkulumo yabo ebuhlungu inkinga, kodwa imizwa yakho.

Ekugcineni, ufunda ukuthula ukuze “ungakhulumi kabi.” Futhi umlingani wakho angaqhubeka ngaphandle kokuzibuza imibuzo.

2. “Amahlaya” angewona amahlaya ngempela

“Awunawo amahlaya,” “Bekuyihlaya,” “Awusoze wakuqonda ukugcona.” Ukugcona kuqala, ngokuvamile phambi kwabanye, bese kuhlelwa kabusha njengehlaya ngokushesha nje lapho ubhikisha.

Isivivinyo esihle: ihlaya langempela lenza abantu bobabili bahleke. Uma uhlala uyisisulu futhi unguwe wedwa ongahleki, akulona ihlaya.

3. Ukuqhathanisa

“Owayengumlingani wami, wayekwazi ukupheka,” “Bheka ukuthi udadewenu ungcono kangakanani,” “Abafazi bozakwethu bayasebenza futhi banakekela indlu.” Ukuqhathanisa kudala umbono wokuthi uhlala uncintisana nokuthi uhlala uhlulwa.

4. Ukugxekwa komzimba wakho, amakhono akho, nokuhlakanipha kwakho

“Usukhuluphele, akunjalo?”, “Ungakhathazeki, ngizokwenza, uzophinde uphazamise konke”, “Ngeke uqonde.” Lawa mazwi athinta izindawo eziseduze kakhulu zokuzethemba. Ngokuvamile avuselela ukuntuleka kokuzethemba kumbhangqwana okwakungekho ngaphambi kobudlelwano.

5. Ukudelela okungenamazwi

Ukububula lapho ukhuluma, amehlo ebheke phezulu, ukumamatheka okubuhlungu, ukuthula okubandayo. Ukudelela akudingi amagama ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kungadluliselwa ngesimo sengqondo, okwenza kube nzima nakakhulu ukufakazela noma ukuchaza kulabo abakuzungezile.

6. Ukuphonsela inselelo umbono wakho

“Uyaqamba amanga,” “Angikaze ngisho lokho,” “Unenkinga yokukhumbula.” Lapha, ukululaza kuhlangana nokukhanya kwegesi: awusahlaselwa nje ngenxa yezimfanelo zakho, kodwa ngenxa yekhono lakho lokubona iqiniso. Sihlanganise izibonelo ezivame kakhulu esihlokweni sethu mayelana imishwana ejwayelekile yokukhanyisa igesi.

Kungani umuntu okhohlakele othanda ukuzikhukhumeza ebalulaza abanye?

Kuyayenga ukufuna isizathu sokuziphatha kwakho: “Ukube ngenze kangcono, ubezoyeka.” Akunjalo. Ukweyisa abanye kufeza izidingo zomuntu okwenzayo, hhayi amaphutha akho.

• Ukuzizwa ungcono. Ukwehlisa abanye kukuvumela ukuthi uziphakamise kalula. Uma “umncane” wakho, bazizwa bebade kakhulu.
• Lawula. Umuntu ozibuzayo mancane amathuba okuthi ahambe, mancane amathuba okuthi aphonse inselelo, mancane amathuba okuthi acele usizo.
• Hlukanisa. Uma uqiniseka ukuthi “uzwela kakhulu”, uzonqikaza ukukhuluma ngalokho obhekene nakho nabathandekayo bakho.
• Ukulayisha phansi. Ukukhungatheka kwakhe, ukwehluleka kwakhe, kanye nobuthakathaka bakhe kubhekiswa kuwe.

Le phrofayili ivame ukutholakala kubantu abagxeka abanye njalo. Ukuze ufunde kabanzi ngesilulumagama namaphrofayili, bheka isihloko sethu. umbiza ngani umuntu obeka abanye phansi.

Lokho ukwehla kwenani lentengo okukukhiqizayo kuwe

Ukuhlambalaza kufana neconsi lamanzi etsheni. Akukho ngisho nelilodwa izwi elanele ukukulimaza. Yiqoqo elishintsha indlela ozibheka ngayo.

Imiphumela emibi evame kakhulu:

• Uyangabaza izinqumo zakho, ngisho nezilula kakhulu;
• Ubona kusengaphambili ukuthi uzosabela kanjani ngaphambi kokukhuluma noma ukugqoka;
• Uxolisa njalo, ngezinye izikhathi ngezinto ezingezona iphutha lakho;
• Awusamboni umuntu owawunguye ngaphambi kobudlelwano;
• Uhlangabezana nokukhathazeka, ukukhathala, kanye nokuphazamiseka kokulala;
• Ugcina uphinda imisho yakhe ekhanda lakho: “Angilutho,” “Ngizwela kakhulu.”

Leli phuzu lokugcina libalulekile. Uma izwi lomunye umuntu eligxekayo liba yizwi lakho langaphakathi, ukulawula kungaqhubeka ngisho noma engekho. Ucwaningo mayelana nokulawula okuphoqelelayo luqinisekisa le miphumela: ukuhlaziywa kwe-meta okushicilelwe ku Ukuhlukumezeka, Ubudlova Nokuhlukumeza (Lohmann et al., 2024) ihlobanisa lolu hlobo lobudlova nezimpawu zokucindezeleka kanye nokucindezeleka kwangemva kwenhlekelele.

Le miphumela ayilona uphawu lobuthakathaka. Yindlela evamile yokusabela komuntu obhekene nobudlova obuphindaphindwayo. Ukuze uqonde yonke inqubo, funda isihloko sethu mayelana ubudlova bokuziphatha komuntu ophambukile ozithanda ngokweqile.

Ingabe kuyinkulumo exakile noma ukuphawula okululazayo? Ungawubona kanjani umehluko?

Noma ubani angasho into ebuhlungu uma ekhathele. Umehluko usezindleleni ezimbalwa ezilula.

• Imvamisa: Inkulumo engavamile, noma ukugeleza okuqhubekayo kwezimpendulo?
• Inhloso: Ingabe ukugxekwa kuqondiswe esenzweni esithile, noma kuqondiswe kumuntu wakho wonke?
• Ukusabela uma uthi kuyakuzwisa ubuhlungu: Ukuxolisa okuqotho noshintsho, noma ukugcona, ukuphika kanye nokuhlasela okuphindiselayo?
• Ukungalingani: Ungasho okufanayo kuye ngaphandle kokubangela inkinga?
• Isimo sakho: Ingabe uzizwa uncane, ucindezelekile, unesizungu njengoba izinyanga ziqhubeka?

Uma uphendula ngokuthi “okuvamile”, “mina”, “ukuphika”, “cha” kanye “yebo”, akuseyona indaba yokungakhathali.

Uhlu Lokuhlola: Izinyathelo eziyi-8 zokuzivikela ekwehleni kwenani

Awukwazi ukushintsha omunye umuntu. Kodwa-ke, kancane kancane ungaphinde ulawule lokho okungokwakho: ukuqonda kwakho, imikhawulo yakho, kanye nendawo okuyo.

1. Bhala phansi imisho. Gcina incwadi yokubhalela (iphepha noma uhlelo lokusebenza oluphephile) enosuku, umusho oqondile, kanye nomongo. Lokhu kukusiza ukuthi ucacise izinto futhi uqiniseke ukuthi awuqisi.
2. Zisho wena ukuthi kwenzekani. “Lokhu kuwukwehlisa isithunzi.” Isenzo nje sokukusho ngamazwi kunciphisa ingxenye yomphumela.
3. Ungazithetheleli ngokungapheli. Umusho omfushane wanele: “Angivumelani” noma “Lokho okushiwoyo kuyangilimaza.” Akunasidingo sokukholisa noma ubani.
4. Yenqaba uhlaka lokuhlekisa. “Akungihlekisi lokho.” Akudingeki uhleke ukuze ubonise ukuthi ungumuntu ohlekisayo.
5. Yakha kabusha izwi langaphakathi langempela. Kulelo nalelo binzana elilulazayo elibhalwe phansi, bhala eceleni kwalo lokho umngane onomusa angakusho kuwe.
6. Xhumana kabusha nabantu obathandayo. Khuluma nomuntu oyedwa noma ababili obathembayo. Umbono wangaphandle uyikhambi elinamandla.
7. Thola umuntu ozohamba nawe. Udokotela wengqondo, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha, noma inhlangano ekhethekile ingakusiza ukuthi uqonde lokho obhekene nakho.
8. Hlola ukuphepha kwakho. Uma amazwi ehambisana nezinsongo, ukulawulwa kohambo lwakho noma izimali, noma izenzo zobudlova, isimo siba sibi kakhulu futhi sidinga usizo olusheshayo.

Lokho okushiwo umthetho eFrance

Ukululaza okuphindaphindiwe kungaba ukuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo phakathi kwabashadile, njengoba kuchaziwe ku-Article 222-33-2-1 ye-Penal Code. Leli cala lihlanganisa amagama noma ukuziphatha okuphindaphindiwe okwehlisa izinga lokuphila kwesisulu futhi kuphazamise impilo yaso engokomzimba noma yengqondo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isisulu singumlingani, umlingani, umlingani womshado, noma umlingani wangaphambili.

Irekhodi elisemthethweni Udlame lwasekhaya ku-service-public.fr Ichaza izinyathelo ezingase zithathwe: ukufaka umbiko wamaphoyisa, isikhalazo, umyalelo wokuvikelwa. Amanothi akho anosuku, imiyalezo ebhaliwe, kanye nobufakazi obuvela ezihlotsheni kungaba ubufakazi obuwusizo.

Uma unesinye isinyathelo esingokomthetho, xhumana nommeli noma inhlangano yokusekela izisulu, ezokwazi ukuhlaziya isimo sakho esithile.

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

“Uzwela kakhulu”: ingabe lokho kuwukukhohlisa ngempela?

Akunjalo ngempela, uma leso sitatimende sihlukanisiwe futhi silandelwa ukulalela kwangempela. Siba ukukhohlisa uma sisetshenziswa ngendlela ehlelekile ukuze silahle imizwa yakho futhi sigweme noma yikuphi ukuzicabangela.

Ngingamphendula kanjani umuntu ongihlambalaza ngaphandle kokuqala impikiswano?

Kugcine kufushane futhi kuyiqiniso: “Angivumelani,” bese ushintsha indaba noma uphume ekamelweni. Ngomuntu okhohlisayo, akukho nkulumo ephelele ezovimbela ukuhlasela okuphindiselayo. Umgomo uwukuzivikela, hhayi ukunqoba impikiswano.

Ingabe ukwehla kwenani kungaphela uma ngishintsha?

Cha. Kuphendula izidingo zomuntu okwenzayo. Lapho uzivumelanisa nezimo, kulapho izidingo zishintsha khona. Ushintsho oluhlala njalo luvela kumuntu ozehlisa isithunzi, uma ekhetha ukuthola usizo, noma kude nawe.

Ingabe ukuzethemba kwami ​​kungakhiwa kabusha?

Yebo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukwesekwa, kanye nesiqondiso esivame ukuvela, umgxeki wangaphakathi ulahlekelwa amandla akhe. Abantu abaningi baphinde bathole isithombe esiqinile kunangaphambi kobudlelwano.

Ekuphethweni

Ukuhlambalaza kuyindlela yobudlova ethule, kodwa akuyona into engenakugwenywa. Imisho efana nokuthi “uzwela kakhulu” noma “awunawo amahlaya” ayisho lutho ngawe. Yembula okuningi ngendlela omunye umuntu adinga ukukubona ngayo ukuze azizwe eqinisekisiwe.

Qala ngokubhala, ukubiza amagama, nokukhuluma. Lezi zenzo ezintathu ezilula zibuyisela isikhala embonweni wakho. Futhi uma uzizwa udinga ukwesekwa ukuze uthole ukuzethemba nokucaca, ungahlola Ukusekelwa okunikezwa izisulu zokuhlukunyezwa okunobugovu.

Lawa macebiso awathathi indawo yeseluleko sochwepheshe bezokwelapha: uma isimo sakho sengqondo noma ubuthongo bakho buphazamiseka njalo, xhumana nodokotela noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Uma kwenzeka ingozi, shayela ku-3919 (Ulwazi Lobudlova Babesifazane, mahhala futhi lungaziwa), 17, noma 112.

Imithombo

• Karakurt G., Silver KE (2013). Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni obuseduze: indima yobulili kanye nobudalaUbudlova kanye Nezisulu.
• ULohmann S. nabanye (2024). Imiphumela Yokuhlukumezeka Nempilo Yengqondo Yokulawula Okuphoqelelayo: Ukubuyekezwa Okuhlelekile Nokuhlaziywa Kwe-MetaUkuhlukumezeka, Ubudlova Nokuxhashazwa.
• Isevisi-public.fr, Udlame lwasekhaya.
• UHirigoyen M.-F. (1998). Ukuhlukunyezwa kokuziphatha: ubudlova obuhlanekezelwe nsuku zonke. ISyros.

Izinombolo zocingo ezithi 17, 3114 no-3919 ezishiwo kuleli khasi zisebenza ezinsizeni zaseFrance.