Can a Manipulator Change for Love? To know

La narcissistic perversion has never been talked about as much as it is now. You are probably wondering how this behavior manifests itself. The base is the lie, the isolation of the victim and the guilt of this one. It is difficult to decipher such behavior when you are madly in love with your partner or your wife.

Couple relationship with a manipulator – How is the relationship going?

In general, it can take place in a very banal way, like any couple relationship. You don't see anything negative coming in the weeks that go by. But to begin with, he will have a hold on you, so that you are completely in love with him.

It is emphasized from the outset that this kind of person can also be a woman.

With this person, you even believe in love at first sight, a feeling you haven't felt for a long time. Your love is reciprocated, everything seems normal, and both of you are even beginning to project themselves quite far into the future.

Words of love and gestures of affection are quickly cooled by innuendo and mockery. You realize that sometimes he/she seems not to be in love at all.
And then you start noticing anomalies in his gestures, and especially in his words. But the victim will ensure that everything is only misunderstanding and impression. The reason is that he knows you well enough to manipulate you as he pleases.
Then comes the humiliations in public, within a family reunion, during a snack between colleagues or between close friends. He throws a joke at you in a fun, and without bad intention, while it hurts you directly. He then confuses you with excuses for his actions, saying it was just for fun, it was ''a joke'' .

Can a manipulator change for love?

We even believe that the answer to this question could erase all our doubts. Since we fall madly in love with this person, the answer should be YES, because love erases all evil and changes human nature. Unfortunately the answer is, NO.

First, we start with the root of the problem, the perverse seducer won't change. According to a psychotherapist, "if he/she is less affected, the ability to love may remain" (Anne-Clotilde Ziegler).

Beware of harboring vain hopes that the person will change. Even if you give him all the love and attention he needs, he won't be able to change. Demonstrate that you deserve better, that he/she is worthy of your love.

Can you make a narcissistic manipulator fall in love?

Without wanting to chill your illusion, narcissistic manipulation is first of all a pathology. It's even a mental illness. The sick person is devoid of feelings, which makes it very difficult to have a romantic relationship with a normal person.

However, the great dilemma according to the expert, “the more he/she loves you, the more he/she destroys you. » If you therefore think of maintaining a lasting relationship with a person presenting such a pathology, love will never be enough. It can still mimic a budding or real love, for your great pleasure. Be careful, making him fall in love won't be so easy.

If you consult the testimony of people who have been victims of it, you will see that 90% of them have found that the manipulator has not changed and will not change. You know what you expected.

Why can't the narcissistic pervert change?

He/she has a mania for throwing everything on others. He/she never accepts his/her faults, and the consequences of his/her actions. In order for him to change, and above all out of love, he must apply his three inseparable criteria:

Let him be aware of the problem he has, and the one he caused by his fault;
That he feels the need to innovate, for change to work;
Let him act accordingly;

Above all, do not rely on his words, which are generally unimportant and all flattering. Observe his actions, his actions to really understand his intentions to change.

More, he likes to brag about himself to put you down. What's more, the narcissistic pervert knows how to talk about him as an individual endowed with wisdom and knowledge, who is cultivated, to your great disadvantage. The manipulator loves to engage in mindless discussions just to upset you on a lot of topics, like family issues, his previous relationship, your worries with your ex.

How do you know if the manipulator likes you?

Knowing if a manipulator loves his victim is quite complicated. In general, such people know how to fake real love, like normal people.

According to the words of the psychotherapist, "the predator will love as one loves an object that brings you prestige". If you watch his behavior, you will see that he will blow hot and cold, that the narcissistic pervert lies automatically in everything and above all, he will never be clear in his feelings.

It could be that you feel a reciprocity, because yes, there will be exchanges of glances, distinct signs of affection and love, however this is only illusory, even utopian.

Bibliographic reference

Here are seven bibliographic references addressing the question of the possibility for a manipulator to change through love:

Hirigoyen, M.-F. (1998). Moral harassment: Perverse violence in everyday life. Paris: Syros.
Weaver, S. (2010). Family secrets: From transmission to revelation. Paris: PUF.
Cyrulnik, B. (2001). A wonderful misfortune. Paris: Odile Jacob.
Salome, J. (2004). The courage to be yourself. Paris: Albin Michel.
Ancelin Schützenberger, A. (1998). Ouch, my ancestors!. Paris: Desclée de Brouwer.
Cungi, C., & Lemoine, M. (2008). Asserting yourself and communicating. Paris: Retz.
Lejoyeux, M. (2017). Difficult personalities. Paris: Odile Jacob.

These works offer varied perspectives on the nature of manipulative behaviors and the question of their modification through love.

Conclusion

Truth be told, a manipulator is incapable of changing. On the other hand, it can show evolution according to the weaknesses of its prey. If you feel common fears or doubts, he knows how to use it to claim a change without it lasting.

In general, a manipulator can change, after realizing the damage he has caused around him. He must first be able to recognize the real basis of his problems and thus fight against his old demons to achieve this.

This change cannot therefore depend on you but only on him. We must open his eyes to his actions, tell him directly about his faults without adjustment. This way is one of the few solutions to his pathology.

You were probably expecting a sudden miracle, but make no mistake about it. Only real change comes from each of us, through our spirit.