Profile of a Narcissistic Mother: How to Recognize a PN Mother?

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Every life emanates from a mother. She is often loved and sometimes hated, but always appreciated. Mothers are the center of the home. What about the profile of a narcissistic mother ?

The mother is a figure of tenderness, affection, love but also authority. In the case of a narcissistic perverse mother, this image of love does not exist. A child who lives with a perverse narcissistic mother does not know this feeling of attachment and love for his mother. Having a narcissistic perverse mother is very destructive psychologically, because the mother plays a very important role in the psychic development of the child.

What is a narcissistic mom?

A narcissistic perverted mother suffers from a immutable narcissistic and perverse disorder.

  • His mode of interaction with the other seems unbalanced, pathological and toxic.
  • For a narcissistic mother, life is a game where she is in control.
  • She is self-centered and manipulative.
  • The need for success is paramount to her.

A PN mom considers her child as a stooge or an object that it exploits to achieve its ends. However, she wants to keep her image. This is why she always shows the image of a mother who cares about her child and is involved.

In private, the narcissistic mother is a tyrant. She makes her child fail and feel guilty. In some cases, she is jealous of her own child. She thus creates a toxic rivalry against him.

Profile of a narcissistic mother: What are the characteristics of a narcissistic mother?

The symptoms of a narcissistic pervert following allow us to determine the profile of a narcissistic mother. More exactly, they show the behavior of a narcissistic woman :

1. Toxic

  • The narcissistic perverse woman denies the identity of her children. She puts them in danger and denigrates them by his psychological and moral violence.
  • The narcissistic mother mistreats her children to ensure and fulfill her narcissism.
  • She has malicious and destructive behavior with her child.
  • She steals his privacy and prevents him from having his free will.

2. Controlling

The narcissistic mother wants to control the whole life of her child. She controls:

  • his unions;
  • its games;
  • his leisures ;
  • her style of dress...

The narcissistic perverse woman does not allow no privacy to her child. She listens at the doors. She even reads her diary and her mail without hesitation. This allows him to have total control over the child, thus preventing him from having his autonomy.

3. Narcissistic and manipulative

The narcissistic mother strengthens her grip by using:

  • handling;
  • the blackmail ;
  • devaluation;
  • guilt.

She also tends to victimize oneself to create an image of a poor, helpless single mother. In fact, she's just manipulative and in full possession of his means.

The narcissistic mother controls her child's self-esteem. She belittles him at every opportunity to keep him in her grip. She may even steal his joy to increase the child's frustration.

 

What are the consequences of having a narcissistic mother?

The narcissistic mother is a real hindrance to the development of his child.

  • Insecurity and lack of belonging

The behavior of the narcissistic mother causes her child to feel insecure, physically, mentally and emotionally. His attitude creates a lack in the toxic relationship and unbalanced. This manipulative mother is emotionally unavailable.

  • Lack of identity

The perverse narcissistic mother prevents her child from constructing an identity. Instead of helping him develop his individuality, she belittles him and rejects what he is. She forces him to act as she wishes.

  • Lack of responsibility

The feeling of responsibility is also almost non-existent in the child of a narcissistic mother. The latter has no awareness of responsibility. She constantly blames others and is therefore not a good example.

How to behave with a narcissistic mother?

Whether you are a relative or the child of the narcissistic mother, do not remain indifferent to her behavior.

1. As a close or other relative

Are you part of a narcissistic mother's entourage? You have to realize one thing: you are the only healthy parent or relative. So you can provide a solid foundation that the child needs, but that his mother cannot provide:

  • the feeling of security;
  • individuality;
  • the personality…

Show him that he is allowed to have his own desires and that he can be himself.

Avoid criticizing the mother or even bringing her up. This could put the child in a big conflict of loyalties. It is also no need to confront your mother. It could backfire on you.

2. As the child of a narcissistic mother

Living with a manipulative mother is not easy. This pathology is incurable and it will follow her for life. Once an adult, the child of the narcissistic mother will have to take a step back from his mother, from his situation and also from his wounds.

The ideal is to see a therapist to rebuild and get rid of this toxic relationship. Therapy allows you to look at the story of the child and his mother from another non-judgmental and understanding angle. Running away and rebuilding oneself remain the only solutions to free oneself from the grip of a narcissistic mother.

Live Perverse Narcissistic Mother

How to recognize perverse narcissistic mothers?

You should know that PN mothers, members of a narcissistic perverse family are not all the same. While some manage to control themselves, others may exhibit very aggressive behavior. However, there are common traits by which one can recognize narcissistic perverse mothers: 

Mother PN: lack of love and neglect

Maternal love does not exist in the narcissistic perverse mother: She does not like being a mother and does not feel pleasure in caring for and taking care of her children. The perverse narcissistic mother is not very present for her child, she does not listen to him or consider his emotions. For her, her child is a burden, a burden that weighs on her and eats up her time. Lack of love and negligence are character traits very often observed in perverse narcissistic mothers. Children are often neglected and left to fend for themselves in childhood. When they grow up, the narcissistic perverse mothers make them understand that they bother.

Narcissistic Mother Symptoms

Among the common traits that make it possible to recognize a perverse narcissistic mother, we also find the dehumanization of the child or the concept of child object.

  1. She does not consider her child as such and does not consider his fragility.
  2. She is going to have adult talk with her child and the latter may be very deeply affected. This is the reason why the children of narcissistic perverse mothers are often psychologically and emotionally destabilized.
  3. Also, for the narcissistic perverse mother, his children are not equal in his eyes. There will always be a child she favors over another. She compares her children and absolutely does not hide it.
  4. Even if she don't like a child, she will make sure to make others believe it so that a feeling of rivalry and jealousy will arise between the children. His goal will be to make the children compete to please him.
  5. She goes the divide in order to exercise power and control.
  6. The narcissistic perverse mother has a constant need for attention and admiration, so she will want this need from her child.
  7. In the case where she has a daughter, the narcissistic perverse mother will be obsessed with destroying her relationships, she will want to take her place and will feel in competition with her.

Relationship between child and Perverse Narcissistic Mother

The relationship between a perverse narcissistic mother and her child is anything but normal. Even if the mother can very well play the comedy in front of her entourage to make believe that she loves her child and that she takes care of it, we can detect flagrant signs of narcissism and manipulation in her. Above all, the child will feel useless and devalued in the eyes of his mother. He will build a completely different personality or a mask to please and feel loved. The child will believe that he is reduced to the state of an object and that he must comply with the goodwill of his owner.

The mother, for her part, will exercise power, a certain manipulation over her child. She will control him so that he fulfills her desires. Starting with devaluation, she will create a vicious circle of guilt in the child. The child will always seek her approval in everything he does. As there is no bond of love between the PN mother and her child, the child will grow up in fear, lack of self-confidence and a great lack. 

The Narcissistic Mother: Portrait of Toxic and Manipulative Control

Here are the characteristics of a narcissistic perverse mother:

1. A grip reinforced by manipulation

The narcissistic mother uses various manipulation techniques to establish her hold over her children. Among them:

  • gaslighting : it challenges the child's perceptions, thoughts and emotions, creating confusion and doubt about his or her own reality.
  • Guilt : it places the responsibility on the child for his own misfortunes, making him guilty for his failures or his emotional state.
  • Emotional blackmail : veiled or explicit threats, such as harming oneself or abandoning the child, are used to subject the child to one's expectations.

2. A desire for absolute control

The narcissistic mother seeks to control every aspect of her child's life:

  • His relationships and unions.
  • His activities, hobbies and games.
  • Even his appearance and clothing choices.

This dynamic goes so far as to prevent the child from becoming autonomous, keeping him in emotional dependence to meet his own emotional needs.

3. A marked lack of empathy

  • Indifference : the child's emotional, psychological and physical needs are neglected or devalued.
  • Conditional love : affection is given only if the child meets the mother's expectations.
  • Emotional dependence : the child becomes unable to flourish without maternal approval.

4. A toxic and destructive relationship

The narcissistic mother often acts in destructive ways:

  • She uses psychological and moral violence to devalue the child.
  • She imposes her own aspirations, making the child a mirror or a tool to reinforce her ego.
  • It steals his privacy and prevents any free will.

5. Selfishness and instrumentalization of the child

  • Egocentrism : the narcissistic mother demands admiration and attention, constantly placing her needs at the center.
  • Child use : it becomes a tool to manipulate, arouse admiration or satisfy one's desires.

6. Absence of limits and respect

The narcissistic mother does not respect the child's personal boundaries or needs for independence:

  • Intrusion : she interferes in every aspect of her child's life, even as an adult.
  • Violation of limits : she ignores the child's personal space or emotions.

7. Toxic family dynamics

  • Favoritism : it favors a child to better control others, creating family tensions.
  • Division : by sowing discord, she strengthens her control over family relationships.

8. An unpredictable and erratic attitude

  • Mood changes : going from excessive love to brutal rejection, it plunges the child into constant emotional uncertainty.
  • Ambivalence : it mixes affection and cruelty, exacerbating the child's confusion and dependence.

9. Exploitation of guilt

  • Excessive guilt : it pushes the child to believe that he never does enough, reinforcing his dependence.
  • Denigration of successes : the child's accomplishments are minimized or ignored.

Bibliographic reference to recognize a narcissistic perverse mother

Bibliographic reference on the profile of a narcissistic mother

  • SOSPN Blog: “Narcissistic Perverse Mother: Definition and Characteristics”
    (sospn.fr)
  • Psychologist: “Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Symptoms and Treatment”
    (psychologista.fr)
  • Psynat: “Narcissistic mothers: What influence on the mother-daughter relationship”
    (psynat.fr)
  • Dérive-sectaire.fr: “The profile of a narcissistic mother”
    (derive-sectaire.fr)
  • Talking about love: “Analysis of a narcissistic mother”
    (parlerdamour.fr)
  • Imagyna: “How to Heal from a Narcissistic Mother”
    (imagyna.fr)
  • Parents.fr: “Narcissistic Parent: How to Identify Them”
    (parents.fr)

These articles will provide you with a starting point for a better understanding of narcissistic behaviors in mothers and their impact on the psychological development of children.

Cristina Balan
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