Umlukuhli oGcukileyo-Fumana izixhobo zakhe zokuhenda

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Ngaba uyafuna ukwazi ngakumbi malunga nabalahlekisi abagwenxa, ukwindawo elungileyo kuba siza kucacisa ngakumbi malunga neprofayili yengqondo yomhedeni ogwenxa. Lo ngumntu ofuna ukuthandwa ngumntu wonke. Ukongeza, ulawula wonke umntu omngqongileyo. Injongo yomlukuhli ogwenxa kukutshabalalisa ixhoba lakhe.  

Yintoni uMlukuhli oGqwethiweyo?

Umlukuhli ogqwethekileyo unokuchazwa njengomntu ozama ukuhenda wonke umntu ukuze amqhathe. Uya kwenza yonke into ukuze aphumelele ekufezekiseni okulindelwe lixhoba lakhe kunye nabo basondeleyo kwixhoba lakhe elitsha. Ngokungafaniyo ne umgqwethi we-narcissistic, umlukuhli okhohlakeleyo ushiya ixhoba lakhe ngokukhawuleza ukuze afumane elinye.

Umkhohlisi ogwenxa uya kuba luncedo kakhulu ekuqaleni kwaye atshintshe ngokuhamba kwexesha ukuze anelise iimfuno zakhe ezigwenxa. Indoda ekhohlisayo ayiyi kubonakalisa iimpawu zokuhenda de ixhoba lakhe liwele ngokupheleleyo phantsi kopelo lwakhe.

Kwintlanganiso yokuqala, uya kukuxelela yonke impumelelo yakhe, ukuba unobomi bephupha, ungumdlali, njl. Kuyafaneleka ukuba uqaphele ukuba umkhohlisi akanalo iimvakalelo kwaphela, akukho nto ibalulekileyo kunokuphumelela ekunqobeni umntu omtsha. Into emvuyisayo umlukuhli ogwenxa kukwazi ukuba abanye abaphumeleli kangako kunaye. 

Udlala ntoni umlukuhli ogqwethekileyo?

Kunzima kakhulu ukwazi ukuba umntu ophambi kwakho ungumlukuhli ogqwethekileyo okanye akunjalo kuba usebenzisa indlela ekrelekrele. Kwaba manipulators, ukuhenda ngumbandela onzulu kakhulu. Makhe sibone kunye inkqubo yokuhenda umntu ogqwethekileyo.

1. Irhamncwa lenza konke okusemandleni ukuze libonakale lingenakuxhathiswa lixhoba lalo

Ebudeni beli nqanaba lokuqala, umlukuhli wenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukutsala ingqalelo yomntu wonke. Ukuze atsale ixhoba lakhe, uya kwenza impembelelo yokuqala ephumelele kakhulu kwaye agxininise iimpahla zakhe, impumelelo ebomini kunye neetalente zakhe. Uzama ukubonisa ukuba unobomi obungcono kwaye sele eqala ukuxhaphaza ixhoba lakhe elitsha. I-FN iya kwenza abantu bakholelwe ukuba ngabona bantu baphawulekayo emhlabeni kodwa oko akuyonyani.

Abalukuhli bazama ukuxelisa abantu abaninzi abanamandla ahlukeneyo. Kodwa, ezi aziyiyo kwaphela into eziyiyo ngokwenene. Zonke iimpumelelo kunye nobomi ababuqambileyo zezabanye abantu. Umlukuhli ogqwethekileyo ukwalinganisa ubomi bomlinganiswa osuka kwifilimu okanye kwincwadi. Ngombulelo koku, ubonisa ubuntu obukhethekileyo kunye nobunomdla kakhulu phambi kwexhoba lakhe. Injongo yakhe kukubonisa ukuba ulunge ngakumbi kunabanye abantu esenokuba lalibazi ixhoba ngaphambi kwakhe. Siye sabona ukuba umhedeni ogqwethekileyo ngumntu othanda izinto ezimbi kakhulu. 

2. Ukuqhubekeka kokuhenda 

Umqhathi ukwafuna ukuhlangabezana nolindelo lwexhoba lakhe ukuze linamathele kuye ngokwenene. A uthando ibhombu okanye thanda ibhombu inokwenzeka ukuhenda ixhoba. Owokugqibela uya kuba nemiyalezo yothando kunye nezinye izijekulo zothando ukuba yiloo nto ixhoba likhangela kubudlelwane. I-manipulator izibonakalisa njenge-knight kubukho bexhoba lokulisindisa, lihlala limxhasa ebomini kwaye licime konke ukubandezeleka kwakhe kubomi bakhe bangaphambili.

Kwelinye icala, ezi zijekulo zintle zezexesha elifutshane kakhulu. Umlukuhli unokuba sesichengeni kakhulu kwixhoba lakhe ukuze lowo umva amnike inkxaso. Le ndlela ivumela ukuba abeke ityala ixhoba le-narcissistic pervert kamva xa efuna ukushiya ubudlelwane.  

Mqonde umlukuhli ogwenxa

  • Uninzi lwabalukuhli abagqwethekileyo banalo ngaphakathi kubo inxeba le-narcissistic kwasebuntwaneni babo. Xa udibana nomntu okhohlisayo, kubalulekile ukuba uhlale uthozamile. Umlukuhli sele eyazi yonke into ngamaxhoba akhe amatsha kwangethuba kwaye usondela kuphela kweyona nto ilula ukuya kuyo.
  • Ukuze ubalekele iinjongo ezimbi zaba baxhaphazi, kufuneka uhlale ukhumbula ukuba akukho mntu ufezekileyo. Kufuneka ulumkele abantu abanomdla kakhulu kuzo zonke iingxaki zakho kuba banokuzisebenzisa ukukukhohlisa. 
  • Maxa wambi abantu abalandela ithuku bayasinda kubalukuhli abagqwethekileyo. Ukulandela ithuku lakho kunokunceda ukuchonga ukuba ubudlelwane nalo mntu abuyi kuba luncedo. Abantu abaninzi bayagxalathelana kubudlelwane kuba bengasafuni ukuba bodwa ebomini okanye bafuna ukuzalisa ukuswela kwabo uthando. Nangona kunjalo, ubudlelwane obusekelwe kwezi mfuno buhlala buphela ekubandezelekeni. 

Uwazi njani umdlalo omkhulu womkhohlisi ogwenxa?

Nantsi indlela yokuqonda umdlalo womrhwebi:

  • Kubudlelwane, umhendi udlala umdlalo wokutshintsha ubuntu. Ngenye imini uya kuba nothando kakhulu ke ngosuku olulandelayo uya kutshabalalisa ixhoba lakhe. I-manipulator iya kuqhubeka ikwenza oku kulo lonke ubudlelwane babo. Ngokwenza oku, ixhoba liya lixhomekeke ngakumbi kuye. 
  • Umdlalo womlukuhli uqala ngalo mzuzu enze ixhoba lakhe libe liphupha. Ufuna ukubonisa abo bamva ukuba ulwalamano lwabo lungcono kwaye luya kuba lulwalamano olufanelekileyo kwintsomi. Uphendula kuyo yonke iminqweno yexhoba lakhe aze athathe yonke into emva. Ukususela kwithuba ixhoba lakhe liqala ukuxhomekeka kuye, i-manipulator ibonakala ingenamdla. Ngamanye amaxesha liyanyamalala lize libuye emva kwexesha elithile ngaphandle kwengcaciso. 
  • Emva kokubuya kwakhe, i-manipulator yenza uhlobo lokukhathazeka kwixhoba lakhe. Uya kuqala ukuzibuza imibuzo emininzi malunga nobudlelwane babo, malunga neqabane lakhe, njl. Ngaphandle kokufumana iimpendulo, uya kudana. Emva koko, ixhoba liya kucinga ukuba lityala labo ukuba i-manipulator (Ngaba i-manipulator ingatshintsha uthando?) iziphatha ngolu hlobo. Ebona ukubandezeleka kwexhoba lakhe, umlukuhli uzaliswa luvuyo nolwaneliseko. 

UMlukuhli oGcukileyo-Uphuma njani kumdlalo wakho?

Ngenxa yokwazi kwakhe, umntu okhohlakeleyo ufuna ukushiya ubudlelwane bakhe. Nanga amanye amanyathelo anokukunceda ukhuphe umhedeni ogqwethekileyo. 

1. Qaphela ukuba uyasokola kobu budlelwane

Nje ukuba i-manipulator iqale ukuba kude, uya kucinga kwangoko ukuba lityala lakho. Uziva ngathi uyafa ngaphakathi kwaye awusenayo incasa yobomi. Unxibelelwano alusenzeki konke konke kubudlelwane bakho. Ke ngoko, uyazi ngokubandezeleka kwakho kubudlelwane.

2. Chonga umlukuhli ogwenxa kunye nenkqubo yakhe

Ukuze ubaleke kumdlalo we-manipulator, kufuneka wazi ukuba iqabane lakho ngomnye wabalukuhli. Ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho, uya kuzibonakalisa njengendoda yamaphupha akho kwaye uya kuzama ukukholisa intsapho yakho ukuba ungumkhwenyana ongcono kakhulu. 

Ukusondela kwixhoba lakhe, i-manipulator isebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo:

  • Uqamba ubuxoki.
  • Yoyikisa ixhoba lakho.
  • Uya kulibekela bucala ixhoba lakhe.
  • Lijonge phantsi ixhoba.
  • Ukuzama ukuzenza ukuba ube lixhoba.
  • I-Blackmail kunye nokusongela abanye.

3. Qwalasela imeko

Ixhoba alisaqondi kwanto ngobomi balo ngenxa yokuqhathwa kwalo mlukuhli. Unokuqala ngokuthatha usuku lokufunda yonke indlela yakhe yokuziphatha. Unokudwelisa yonke into ayithethayo, into ayenzayo, izigxeko, njl. Ngokwenza oku, uya kuqonda ukuba kukho izinto ezingaqhelekanga ebomini bakho.

4. Zazi iziphene ezichukunyiswe ngumhedeni

Kuya kufuneka uyazi ukuba i-manipulator ichaphazele ntoni kubuntu bakho. Amaxesha amaninzi, itshabalalisa ukuzithemba kwexhoba layo. Ngokwazi oku, unokuqala ukusombulula ingxaki kwaye uphume ekubambeni kwayo. Ngaphezu koko, uqala ukuzithanda kwakhona njengoko unjalo. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kufuneka uhlale ulandelwa ngugqirha wengqondo. 

5. Luqhawule lonke unxibelelwano nomlukuhli ogqwethekileyo

Ngoku ekubeni uwagqibile la manyathelo mane, lixesha lokuphuma kwi-manipulator. Okukhona usuka kude kuyo, kokukhona ukuxhomekeka kwakho kuyo kuncipha. Kufuneka uqhawule zonke iintlobo zoqhagamshelwano nomlukuhli. Ungayivimba naphi na. Kufuneka ukuphephe ukubaxelela idilesi yakho entsha. Umele wazi ukuba umntu olahlekisayo akanakuze afune ukuzinyanga ngokwakhe, ngoko suka kude naye kunokuba umncede.  

6. Dibana nogqirha wengqondo 

Kuyimfuneko kakhulu ukubonisana nodokotela wezengqondo ukuba uphume ekukhohliseni umkhohlisi. Umhlaseli udlala ngobuthathaka bexhoba kwaye unika yonke into ekuqaleni kobudlelwane ukuze umntu axhomekeke kuye kakhulu. Injongo kukuba ixhoba lakhe liya kuba sezantsi kakhulu xa efuna ukuphelisa ubudlelwane babo. Ngaloo ndlela, ukuze bakhe kwakhona ubomi babo, ixhoba lifuna uncedo lwengqondo. 

Iimbekiselo zeBibliographic

Nazi iimbekiselo ezisixhenxe zebhayibhilografi kumxholo othi “umlukuhli ogwenxa”:

  1. Roudinesco, É. (2007). Icala Lethu Elimnyama: Imbali yabaGqwethiweyo. EParis: Albin Michel.
  2. UAnatrella, T. (2005). Umahluko Ongavumelekanga: Ukwabelana ngesondo, imfundo, ubundlobongela. EParis: Flammarion.
  3. UCifali, M. (1994). I-Narcissistic Pervert kunye neqabane lakhe. EParis: Dunod.
  4. Hirigoyen, M.-F (1998). Ukuxhatshazwa ngokokuziphatha: Ugonyamelo olugqwethekileyo mihla le. EParis: eSyros.
  5. Tisseron, S. (2000). Iintloni: Uhlalutyo lwengqondo lwebhondi yentlalontle. EParis: Dunod.
  6. Racamier, P.-C. (1992). Abagqwethi beNarcissistic. EParis: Intlawulo.
  7. Roudinesco, É. (2024). "UDominique Pelicot kunye nabamangalelwa naye abangomadoda aqhelekileyo." Le Monde.

Ezi zalathiso zibonelela ngembono eyahlukileyo kwingqikelelo yokuhenda okugqwethekileyo, ukudibanisa i-psychoanalytic, yentlalontle kunye neendlela zembali.

isiphelo

Ukuqukumbela, umlukuhli ogqwethekileyo ngumkhohlisi owoyikekayo, okwaziyo ukufihla ubunjani bakhe bokwenyani emva kwe-facade ehendayo nenenkathalo. Ukuqonda iindlela zayo zokulawula kunye nokwazi indlela yokuqonda ukuziphatha kwayo kubalulekile ukuze uzikhusele kuyo. Ukuba ujongene nomntu onjalo, kukho izisombululo, kuquka ukuqonda, ukunqanyulwa koqhagamshelwano kunye nenkxaso yengqondo, ukubuyisela ukulinganisela kwakho kunye nokuvuselela ukuzithemba kwakho.

Ukuqhagamshelana: Ubuxoki obugqwethekileyo beNarcissistic

Cristina Balan
Amanqaku akutshanje nguCristina Balan (ndinibone nonke)

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